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Ded Letter Office
Letters from 2004

Date: 12/07/04   Subject: Hey Bob!
hey bob! one of your many bob-zombies here! just wanted to let you know that we absolutely love your show. We go to the Houston TexRenFest every year, and for us, that's a 250 mile journey. Well worth it just to see you! And not to fear, not all of us Texans were ignorant enough to vote for GW. Especially the unfortunate second time around. :(
We look forward to seeing you again next year! Well, we have to go, afterall, we've been BOB-MOTIZED.
- Bob Zombie #6,567,898, Jennifer Freeman

Bob sez:
Dear #6,567,898,
Your dedication to the cause has been dually noted and acknowledged. See you next year. d.b.

Date: 11/30/04   Subject: Screw those ignorant fools!
Hey DB!
Iíve been a huge fan ever since the first time I laid socket on you (many moons ago). Every year your show gets funnier, INCLUDING the 2004 show I went to when you spoke nothing but the truth about our dumbass "leader" Mr. Bush. I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work. You lose some fans with bustalk, but you gain just as many if not more when you speak the truth about whatís going on. The word will get out by next show of what you had to say about the Bust administration and your fanbase will DOUBLE!!! I PROMISE!!! Bush supporters donít want to hang around??? Let emí go - there big heads were in my way anyhow
Love ya, and see you in Feb!
-Bobzombie #1, Josh Wight

Bob sez:
Josh, there are far too many ignorant fools for me to screw. By my guest and screw as many as you wish. I'm too tired. d.b.

Date: 11/17/04   Subject: A soldier's thanks
Ded Bob,
I had the good luck to get my R&R leave in October of this year and was able to attend the Texas Ren fest. I love your jokes and the show gets better every year. I think that if people can't laugh about the world around them, then they are living blind. I wanted to thank you for another great show and I look forward to seeing you again next year.
Thanks for another year of laughs,
-James D. Mann, SPC, United States Army

Bob sez:
I'm glad you enjoyed the show. I think it's a bit ironic that you mention people who can't laugh, because I'm having trouble keeping my sense of humor these days. If you sign the mailing list of this website: www.truthout.org and pay attention for a few weeks, you'll understand why.

Here's another site that shows our tax dollars at work.....

Don't be a tool.


Date: 11/15/04   Subject: hey bob
when can i play soccer with your head?

Bob sez:
when america emerges from fascism. d.b.

Date: 11/12/04   Subject: hay ded bob
yo ded bob i was thinking how ofton to u brush ur teeth cuz ur musing some...but there atill white no that is scery

Bob sez:
Dear BWG [Hmmm curious initials, reverse them and it spells asshole] - I'd say I brush more than you read. d.b.

Date: 11/08/04   Subject: Hey DB
Hey Ded,
How's it rotting? So it's 11/08. 89 days to the Arizona Festival and counting. I have my liver in training for the beer drinking marathon. So far it's doing well. I have to ask you, will I be seeing the Smuj of Renaissance past or someone different this year? The Smuj of the past is great but I'm glad that you're not too overly concerned about someone else's hand up your wazoo and giving someone new a chance. That's pretty cool of you.

Bob sez:
Why thank you Joe. I hope you enjoy many hands up your ass someday. d.b.

Date: 11/07/04   Subject: u rock
hey deadbob...i am a HUGE fan of urs my parents take me to see u at the azrf. u are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool.... i took my best friend and my little sister there last yr they loved it..(and u) but my little sis just said what the heck! so do u know anyways i cant explain to her?
ps.. smuj is a lazy ass!!!
-andrea (#1 fan)

Bob sez:
tttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttthank you ssssssssssssssssosoooooooooooosoooooo mmmmmmmmmmmmch.

Date: 10/29/04   Subject: Tragic loss
Well Ded Bob I never thought to see the day where you are booed on stage and we are no longer a fan.
Lets set the clock back many years, I go see a guy with a skeleton, what a show !! I think this guy is bound for greater things and my contribution at the end of the show reflects my enthusiasm! $20 worth of enthusiasm, I am far from a rich man, but with a beautiful wife and three daughters I am rich in other ways, and $20 is a small price for a smile. This was our standard donation each and every show.
OK, fast forward many years later to 2004, I am VERY eager to see my favorite show!! WOW WHAT A DISSAPOINTMENT!! Trash talking our President lost you more fans than you know, not to mention the fact many left early with their money in their pockets! You have lost out just like those Dixie Chicks did when they mixed politics with entertainment. Many to this day will not listen to their music, and many will never see your show again. Itís a sad loss and a BIG mistake on your part.
I am sure Kerry taxing the rest of us to death would not bother you, as I am sure you are paying taxes on every penny that is given at your shows...
Former Loyal and Dedicated Fan,
-Robert and Family

Bob sez:
I have to agree that 'trash talking' the president at a renaissance festival is, under normal circumstances, inappropriate. However, these are not normal circumstances.
I can only assume that if you're still supporting the Cheney/Rove administration, you must be ignorant of what they're up to. Here's a little video you should look into, and if after viewing it you still think I'm out of line, then so be it.
It's $20 dollars on-line. If you buy it and aren't changed forever, I'll send you the $20 dollars.

Date: 10/29/04   Subject: Hey Bob!!!
Hey Ded Bob,
I saw you twice this year at the Texas RennFaire and today on channel 13 news....just hilarious!!!
Tell me your not really retiring?! I heard it and I don't want to believe it.
As for you running for President, you got me vote!
But the reason I wrote you is for one main reason, as I was looking through your site I saw you said something really cool. You said you were very influenced by Bill Hicks! My fave comedian of all times!!!! How did you fall into Bill Hicks? Did you ever see him live? I didn't unfortunately but I have all his cds and they are just classic. Rant in E Minor is my fave!
Later Bob. Your Bobmotized zombie

Bob sez:
Bill Hicks. Best comedian ever. d.b.

Date: 10/25/04   Subject: "Live" in Texas
It's too bad I didn't see your show in another state and get the real top 10 reasons to vote for you for president. I think you toned it down a bit for the Bush-Backing-Bumpkins. But one thing you gotta admit about Texas, we have nice blondes (remember the one with the BJ piercing? Thank you!).
Keep it up (hehe), your show's getting better every year.

Bob sez:
Maybe someday, people will learn that anyone who wants power shouldn't get it. "Do not go quietly unto your grave." d.b.

Date: 10/25/04   Subject: Tshirts
You could make a lot of money if you had those DED Bob For President T-shirts. I Can't stand BUSH. HE SUCKS, The MOTHER OF THE BIG ONES . HAHA He has to be the Anti Christ. The Evil one! I've always loved your show. Your the best!

Bob sez:
How about making your own bob shirt? It'll be completely unique! And I'll consider such a gesture worthy of special note. d.b.

Date: 10/24/04   Subject: Hello
Hey What?
I just wanted to let you know, that I was at the Renaissance Festival this past Saturday, October 23th and say your show! I really did enjoy it!!!! Do you put on shows in Houston or Huntsville Texas? I would like to see you again. You need to hook-up with the "Laugh Stop" in Houston, Texas. You are also talented enough to make individual video's/DVD. I know that I would purchase one and if enough people knew about you, they would buy it. Honestly, I have never heard about you until my friend made sure I saw your show at the Renaissance.
I will let you go now, because I know that you are a very busy....dummy...haha...Just wanted to let you know that you show was really awesome and really did enjoy it. Also, the kids/students from the school that I work at "High School for Law Enforcement and Criminal Justice" really enjoyed your show also.
Take care
-Bobbie Williams

Bob sez:
Wow, that letter was so nice, I can't even be sarcastic.
So....I don't know what to say. I suppose I could answer your questions. I don't do night clubs, because....I hate night clubs. I'm making absurd amounts of money working two days a week now, I don't need any more gigs. As for videos, I've never seen footage of my act that I thought delivered the same punch as seeing the show live....so to speak. I know I could make more money if I sold videos, but you're going to discover over time, Bobbie, that in spite of everything America stands for Life is about more than money. I can say that, because I have buttloads.
Before I get too preachy, I better just say THANK YOU.

Date: 10/17/04   Subject: hey Bob
Hey Bob! You are the best! Why were you moved from the Globe Theater to the Odeon? Anyway, I am a HUGE fan. I've seen your show in Magnolia since I was 7. I'm 13 now, so I understand alot more of your jokes. I PROMISE to vote for you for president. You'll win no problem. Even though my whole family is voting for Bush. Want some jokes on Kerry? O.k. here are some quotes from Kerry himself. "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."John Kerry "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure"J.K. "One word sums up the resposibility of any governor, and that word is "to be prepared""J.K. "The future will be better tomarrow"J.K. "A low voter turnout is an indication that fewer people are going to the polls" J.K. Those are just a few. Anydangway, you are awsome. BYE!!!! Keep up the good work, by the way.

Bob sez:
Chip, I'm glad you liked the show. I must tell you though; anybody who supports Bush is either ignorant, stupid, or greedy and probably all three.
Want to read some Bush quotes? Go here:



Date: 10/19/04   Subject: dedbobbrother
Hi Ded Bob...I am a teacher at an elementary school and would like to adopt a Ded Bob ringer/brother to use in my classroom...are clones available? It would be great to have a Ded Bob lookalike read and tell jokes to the kids. Love your show. We go to see you every year and I have told all of my friends in NC that you will be in Charlotte this year. Thanks for the great work and the wonderful laughs.
-Steve Karr

Bob sez:
I'm not terribly keen on babysitting, but if I change my mind.....I'll jump off a cell tower first. d.b.

Date: 10/19/04   Subject: You're not Ded
Hey Bob,
Who was that at the N. Carolina Ren Fest? Not sarcastic, rude or pissed off enough to be the real Ded Bob I usually see at the AZ Faire. People were walking away saying "That was cute". I think the last thing Bob usually comes across as is cute. Are you a franchise now or what?

Bob sez:
yep, give him time, he's my new dummy. I wore smuj out. He's grumpy and barely usable anymore. d.b.

Date: 10/19/04   Subject: LARF???
You should think about performing at the Louisiana Ren. Fest. Maybe when they grow a little more. (It's only 4 yrs old) Anyway, just saw you again last weekend. Awsome show man!!!
Love the Bush jokes...can't stand him...lol
Keep it real,
-The purple faerie

Bob sez:
Bless you, purple faerie. I may just go to LARF...I may...but don't get excited just yet, it will be a few years. d.b.

Date: 10/18/04   Subject: Long-time fan
To my dearest Ded Bob...
You gave me the pleasure of a "Brrrumski" when I was a wee lassie. That memory I will hold close to my bosom for the rest of my life. It won't be the same when Smuj isn't holding your bony fragile body anymore. I have enjoyed your "sho" very much every year at the MRF. Though Smuj -is- in fact just a dummie to be used and abused as you wish, he will be greatly missed. ENOUGH about Smuj, let's talk about you Bob.
Hey baby, what's your sign??

Bob sez:
My sign? Uh I dunno, how about Cancer?

Date: 10/12/04   Subject: I'm voting for you.
Your show at TRF this year was by FAR the best ever. Your 10 reasons to vote for you for president was what made it great. I doubt you saw, but I nearly fell out of my seat when you said "Nuclear: N-U-C-L-E-A-R," because right after that some guy got pissed off and left. That was priceless. Oh, and I actually got the "pretzel" one too. It's too bad the election isn't on the weekend, or I would have found a way to get voting booths at your stage, but oh well. I'll just write your name really big on the ballot and maybe they'll be compelled pick you. Besides, it doesn't matter who has the most votes right? It didn't matter last time. Anyways, I look forward to seeing our show again this weekend.
May you audience always be filled with women who don't know any better,
-Troy (Ded Bob Zombie # 5392)

Bob sez:
Well said, #5392. You're giving #5391 something to sweat about. d.b.

Date: 10/11/04   Subject: can't wait to see your show again
hey ded bob, im here in arizona waiting for the ResFest to happen once again, your gonna be the first thing i wanna see when i get there, i can't wait to see you, your my dream come true. don't care what other people say about you, you don't suck you make me laugh so hard it would want me to pee my pants, anyways... hope your trip here is safe and i can't hardly wait to see you again, heres a kiss from me to you (KISS) enjoy! i will vote for you as prez

Bob sez:
Sara, just what do other people say about me that you don't care about?
And, I will not be responsible for your incontinence. If you cannot contain your........"pee", I'm afraid I'll simply have to notify the authorities and have you put away. Please show some self-restraint and use the facilities provided before you embarrass yourself, me and your family.
In jest, d.b.

Date: 09/19/04   Subject: Hey
I just saw one of you shows and I have to say that IT WAS SO COOL!!!! It was the BEST ever!!!! Would you come to a Birthday and put on a show??? YOU?RE THE BEST!!! My dad thinks your cool to!!!! He's been to a lot of your shows!!!!! I Can't wait to go see your show again!!!!

Bob sez:
Erin, thanks for your letter.
I'm afraid, however according to the last e-mail [see below] I just finished reading that I'm not funny, so you may be confused, or in some kind of denial. Apparently, we've all been under some kind of delusion for the last 17 years. I suppose I'll have to find other work.

Date: 09/19/04   Subject: MI ren
I just saw you here today in MI and I have to tell you that YOU SUCK!! The whole thing was just plain stupid. I guess I just don't get it. I do have a sense of humor but your kind of humor was just off the wall. All of the acts I saw today were dumb but yours was the worse. You might be kind of cute if you kept your mouth shut.
Not a fan,

Bob sez:
I'm sorry, I should have warned you that it's not for the less evolved.

Date: 09/17/04   Subject: Opening act
D.B. and smuj,
My family and friends went to your show last Sunday...we've seen you both a few times and will go again! We had a blast! You're the main reason we go!! Do you do any shows on the off seasons of the Ren.Fest?
Both of you were worth the ticket alone (WAYYYY TOO many JUGGLERS at the Ren. Fest! I'd rather watch the Loosers on American Idol-More exciting and commical!). Though, you may want to watch out-your opening act "Rick" was pretty much equal to your stage shows!! Have you ever thought of working together?!
Keep us laughing Ded Bob!! Have a Happy Halloween!!
-Joseph Rinker

Bob sez:
Thanks for your kind words. As for Rick and I working together...I doubt it. I'm a loner...unless you count smuj...and nobody does. d.b.

Date: 09/14/04   Subject: Schedule
Well I guess you were correct, I donated $5 to your cause and I DID get laid that very evening, the only problem was, what I was hoping for & what I got was two different things, but I guess my WIFE was happy, I don't know if she was still thinking about your show or something else. Maybe next time!

Bob sez:
I should have warned you that after seeing me "live" all women are ruined for at least three years or unless you hire a "de-programmer". Others have had limited success with wearing a dedbob t-shirt over their heads during....well...you know. d.b.

Date: 09/09/04   Subject: Bob
Ded Bob,
Your schedule shows that you will be in Texas from October through Mid November. The Carolina Ren Fest Page shows that you will be there this year. Both Faires take place at the same time.
Can you please clarify as to which show you will be at?

Bob sez:
As a disembodied being, I do in fact have the ability to be in two places at once. I'm using a new improved dummy in North Carolina. He's slightly smarter than smuj. However, he smells much worse, so stay upwind and you should be just fine. d.b.

Date: 08/22/04   Subject: the bobzombie has something to say
I just saw your show at the Michigan Renaissance Festival and I have to say.. each year it just gets funnier and funnier. By the way.. I gave you a $5 bill and I am still not laid.. I'll be coming next week and I will give you another $5.. maybe then something will happen.
-Bobzombie James

Bob sez:
I didn't specify when you would get laid. If, on your deathbed, you wish to contact me for a refund, send your request to:

Ded Bob Lied About Me Getting Laid & I Want A Refund
23456 Fat Chance Lane
East Bogus, Missouri
Sincerely, d.b.

Date: 07/20/04   Subject: bite
Dear Ded Bob,
Did you ever get bittin by any thing.

Bob sez:

Date: 07/20/04   Subject: video
hey im from lawrence, ks. my mom is a hair braider so i have seen a couple of your shows. i love it. i have a couple shirts, only one fits (had to have the other one anyway). so i was wondering if you are going to do a video. i know i would buy it. i have a tape of the two shows i saw you at but a sound edited tape would be awesome.

Bob sez:
I've looked into doing a video, but in order to do it right, it would cost more than I'm willing to pay. Besides, Bob is a 'live' performer. It's just not the same on a small screen. d.b.

Date: 07/01/04   Subject: Michigan RenFen in August
Hey Ded Bob,
My wife has turned my manager, his wife, and I on to your humor and the near lust at seeing your show this year at the Michigan RenFen is insane. However I noticed a previous e-mail you recieved concerning the Michigan RenFen were you replied that you were currently under negotiation with the orginizers. Has this been settled yet? Please tell me your coming back to Michigan!

Bob sez:
See you in August.

Date: 04/29/04   Subject: 07 Atta Girl Knee Pads
if you don't love our, flag you commie bastrard then leave we use to think you you were cool, but you are one sick sob I will make a point of each fair each day to boo you and tell people what a commie fag you are, love us or leave us

Bob sez:
Wow, a letter from a Jerry Springer guest!
I'm saving this one to share with my "commie" friends.
Till then, numb nuts.

Date: 04/29/04   Subject: Me Next!
Dear Mr. Bob:
I am hoping to follow in your illustrious footsteps when I have shuffled off this mortal coil. I think it is great that you have embraced your dedness and have found fulfillment (or at least a quick thrill) in your necrobiosis (I made that word up JUST for you). Since you are obviously a pioneer for those of us who still have our "original equipment", do you have any advice as to how to best make the transition from ordinary maggot-infested ded guy to ded babe magnet?
-Pre-ded Dave

Bob sez:
Pre ded Dave,
So, you're immortal eh? PROVE IT!
If this is true, then you have met the gatekeeper. I must ask you three questions:
What color is his eyeshadow?
How many noses has she got?
Why does the jub jub bird lay his eggs in the air?

Date: 04/29/04   Subject: Hey Bob!
Hey Bob,
The first time I ever went to the TX ren fest I saw your show and fell in love, well rather I fell off my seat laughing. That was eight years ago, I am now fifteen and still a loyal fan as well as my younger sister. Every time we go to the TX ren faire we make it a priority to see your show. This year we are planning a trip with about 10 of our friends to go to the ren fest (again the one in TX). My friends have never been to a ren faire *ga sp*. Not even the small, but still growing one here in Louisiana. I really hope you are planning on being their because no ren fest trip is complete without seeing you. I always found you rather cute, but then again I have always had a thing for skeletons. I mean there's you and Jack Skellington and if there were any other skeleton characters i knew about i am sure I would like them too. Well that is all.
You adoring and loyal fan,

Bob sez:
Thanks for you kind words. Alas, our love must remain a secret...for now. Perhaps, in time, the world will be ready to accept the idea of an old skeleton and a young waif as lovers, but for now...this longing must remain unsatisfied. Til then,

Date: 04/26/04   Subject: Hey Bopb. A letter from a fan
Hey Bob,
This is a fan of your. You are my hero and I bow before your bonelyness. You are the humoress of humor. The king of laugh and the Duke of jokes. Your my idol

Bob sez:
You are wise young zombie. Live fast and do good stuff. d.b.

Zack replies:
Hey bob,
I was always curious, Where do you get your jokes from? The president thing you said in March about Bob for president was hilarious. I was just curious. I would vote for you.

Bob sez:
Zack, thanks for asking. My jokes come from Tanzania. A man named Mboongi Bgumbi writes them in his grass hut and sends them Fed Ex. And remember to tell your parents, "Anybody but Bush in 2004". d.b.

Date: 04/25/04   Subject: Bob Rocks!
Dear Ded Bob,
I saw your show at the Texas Renaissance Faire for the first time last year. Your show was hilarious and I have been singing the Barney song all year. People think Iím crazy because I impersonate your 'bonking'. But thatís ok, weíre normal, right? Canít wait to see you again this year, and Iím sending you an e-kiss. Ded Bob is cute!
With love,

Bob sez:
Desireť, I'm watching you right now....you're cute too. d.b.

Date: 04/17/04   Subject: Ohhh ATllllannta............
Ded Bob and whatshisname,
Seein that the Bob sho more or less was born and died in Atlanta, why is it not on your touring schedule? Don't we deserve a little love down here in the south? I mean, what is this Michigan crap? Who lives in Michigan? No body I know!
Sincerely, Your Bobmitized fan
-Casa Venus

Bob sez:
I'm punishing Georgia for what you did to Max Cleland. Actually, it's not surprising, considering the legions of ignorant rednecks and religious sheep, it's little wonder that they were duped by Republican backed attack adds that lied about Mr. Cleland's record.
[That's actually not the real reason...the real reason is that the tips sucked and the bible belters didn't appreciate my brand of humor anymore.]

Date: 04/17/04   Subject: crush on you
Hey Bob! Listen Bob, I think my friend Richard has a crush on smuj. By the way Richard is a guy. I think my other friend Meg has a crush on you. She's the one who yelled at you that she thought you rocked. I'm that friend who told her about the site. And no I don't think smuj is hot. MEG thinks he's hot. Can't wait till I go back to Txas to see your show. You are terribly cool.
Huge fan that doesn't scream in your ear like Meg,

Bob sez:
To Richard: Thanks, but no thanks.
To Meg: Send naked pictures [unless you're under 18]
To Taylor: What's your problem? How could you break smuj's heart? You're cold, callous and heartless, and we'll never sleep with you again!

Date: 04/16/04   Subject: hot smuj
Dear Ded Bob,
You rock!!!!!! And I totally agree with a lot of the stuff u say!!!!!! And no... I'm not a sheeple! But you still rock! My friend Taylor told me about u and I checked out the site... and I'm so frickin glad I did!!!!! (Oh, by the way, Taylor thinks that smuj iz hot!!!)
from your loyal fan,
-Casa Venus

Bob sez:
I'm changing the site up a bit. I'm moving the political feedback to the politics "not bob stuf" page. Stay tuned.
P.S. tell taylor...hot nothin, he's smokin...right now in fact, a fatty..O!..ooo..ouch that's gotta hurt. He'll be fine, I'll up his medication.

Date: 04/15/04   Subject: We miss you
Hey Bob,
I notice you're not coming to Georgia again this year. Did I do something? Are you ever coming back?

Bob sez:
Yes, it is your fault.
I was in the final stages of the contract agreement, when suddenly it occurred to me...What the... doesn't Stefan come to this faire? I hate that a**hole. "F this!" I said, and stormed out of the office.
So, yes, it is your fault.

Date: 04/07/04   Subject: shows
Wondering if you do any shows in wisconsin and if so ....when? Seen you a few times in Arizona and love your shows.
-Jennifer LaRonge

Bob sez:
No plans for Wisconsin, but I might be appearing in Minnesota next year. d.b.

Date: 04/06/04   Subject: Hey bob!
I've seen your show four times now (in Colorado and Arizona) and support your candidacy for the President of the United states.
I came across some satire online that I thought you might appreciate: http://www.RightWingEye.com - a parody of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (TM) supported by Planned Parenthood, which serves as an advertisement for their April 25th march on Washington, D.C.
I appreciate that you're out there speaking out and acting against the erosion of our rights by a government controlled by greed. Although, I have long thought the country is too far gone to be saved by anything less than revolution - though not necessarily a military one. I guess I'm a pessimist. It seems to me that a coutry "founded on Christian values" is doomed to create a populace defined by greed, bigotry, fear, and hatred. I, for one, would rather live in a country founded on love and respect for all people regardless of their beliefs, color of their skin, wealth, sexual orientation, etc. and let's throw in some personal responsibility while we're at it. But maybe I'm a dreamer as well as a pessimist.

Bob sez:
I agree with you 100%, It doesn't look good.
It's a sad state of history that things have to get really bad before the average human/sheep figures out that [surprise!] governments are corruptible. This particular war came about through judicial use of conjured intelligence by Iraqi business interests. The principle scumbag in this case is Achmed Chalabi. Do a google search on him. While you're at it, go here as well: http://www.verifiedvoting.org/

Date: 04/05/04   Subject: Issues
I certainly agree with many of your concerns... and was quite impressed until I saw recommended reading by Michael (shudder) Moore and Al Franken. I'm hoping these recommendations do not mean you agree with their political objectives.
American's can - and should - be better informed. We are in complete agreement there. And even when we disagree, I will always defend your right to so.
-Bob Cody, longtime Ded Bob fan

Bob sez:
While I agree that Franken and Moore are divisive, I challenge you to find any inaccuracies in their facts. I'm not exactly sure what you think their "political objectives" are, but they couldn't possibly be any worse than those of the Cheney/Rumsfeld administration or their might-as-well-be-a-republican opponent. Democrats and Republicans are two sides of the same fascist coin. They are both pawns of Wall Street. d.b.

Date: 04/02/04   Subject: All hail Ded Bob
Hola Muerto Roberto...
This Bob-Zombie just was gonna let u know that ur a friggin genius. Ur views on politics are right on and even if some ppl think theyre wrong, they need to lighten up and develop a sense of humor. todays government is where some of the best laughs come from. Other than that, those who believe that bush is a good leader and that our country is actually run the way the gov says it is can suck the big one.
The other thing i wanted to say was that you should not be president. no no. far too small a scope. instead you should just jump straight up to the position of Earth's Supreme Imperial Grand High Master. then ur cabinet of yumminess can come from all over the world. mmmm, what a grand world we'd live in.
-Matt Pankratz, Bob-Zombie for life

Bob sez:
Pay heed all doubters, my zombie army will yummy all enemies into submission and disarm and convert them to peace, grooviness and lust. You are acknowledged zombie Matt. Go and spread the gospel according to Bob. d.b.

Date: 04/02/04   Subject: Hey Dead Bob?!
I LOVE YOU DEAD BOB!......I maybe said that about three times when I saw you out here in Arizona. Yeah, you rock, and you know it. I, first, want to say thank you for the lovely kiss I got from you. Your dead saliva kinda dried on my skin for the rest of the day. HA! Second, I wanna thak you for getting the picture with me. I'll probably end up sending it to you when I can. And I think thats about all....
Oh, and allt he b*tching that people give you about political matters....Why the hecka re they even caring. I mean, you have the right to speak freely, then you can speak of whatever you please. Right? OKie....Now that I got that off my partialy dead chest. Next, You should so run for President! I would vote for you! Even though I'm underage and all that crap. You could Bobmotize the world...And then.......We could all become Bob Zombies and worship the ground you walk on! Well some of us already do that...Lol!....
Anyf*ck, Again your show rcoks, Tell Smuj that he smells bad, and keep up the kick ass work! I have been forever Bobmotiezed, and I am forveer a Bob Zombie.
Keep on Rockin' on,

Bob sez:
When my zombies take over the world, my first order will be to free everyone from indoctrination of any kind; be it political, ideological or religious. For the first time in human history, every being will determine their own future free from moronic belief systems that thwart creativity and turns humans into pawns.
My second move will be to close the stock market and declare the corporate experiment officially failed.
Third, all businesses will be owned by operated by the same people.
Fourth, Karl "scumbag" Rove, Condoleezza Rice, Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, "Dick" Cheney, Elliot Abrahams, Grover Norquist, Colin Powell, Bush Sr., Baby Bush, John Ashcroft, and many many more will be tried for treason. I think, that is still a hanging offense.

Date: 04/01/04   Subject: Nedly
Dear Ded,
Thanks to your having chosen me to be Nedly approx 2:00 pm on the last day of RenFest AZ I got laid.
We have been going to the Apache Junction Fest for many years and always hold your show as the highlight so when I got to be Nedly I turned my baseball cap backwards on purpose just to give you the op to say: "You're not black, turn that hat around!" I have achieved Emeritus status at my house thanks to you. I am forever grateful. My wife even calls me Nedly now and even went down on my action figure and morphed it in a major way.
I was intrigued by your web site and see we have the same roots musically and politically altho I am probably less vocal. My band did play at a Viet Nam War Moritorium in 1970 at my Jr. College. We all booed the Mayor when she said, "We can't bring the troops home now because where would we find jobs for all those thousands of young men?" I couldn't believe my ears.
Anyway, I believe we are kindred spirits and will always be grateful for the experience of sharing the stage with you and Smuj. Kissing that foxy brunette on her tender cheek was also memorable. I liked her comment when fishing the money out of your lap as you swooned and she said, "You gonna need a towel Bob?"
-an annoymous Ned (certainly not anyone his wife or a wife's friend would recognize), and a fan forever

Bob sez:
Nedly, you're quite welcome. Here's to Neds getting laid frequently and well. d.b.

Date: 03/30/04   Subject: a fight
ded bob iam 13 i was at your show a cuple years ago in arizona and i witness a fight between you and some asshole it was cool i have every one of your tee shirts you fuckin rock dud
-Ethan Anderson

Bob sez:
fukin a. d.b.

Date: 03/30/04   Subject: sheeple
Dearest, deadest Bob
I'd like to express to you my deepest joy in learning about your campaign against "dubya". I'd also like to share with you a idea to eliminate the exploding population of sheeple. As a fellow loather of WalMart, I thought you'd enjoy it. A small burst of radiation should be emitted from the "automatic door" activators at the entrance to WalMart. This way it will render the lazy and frequent shoppers of WalMart sterile!
Ah, dare to dream!!!
I wish you'd notice me at the AZ Ren Faire, but alas, I have small tits. I don't think there is a corset on earth that would give me cleavage. But I make up for it elsewhere ;)

Bob sez:
I love your WalMart idea. I think you should start a petition today. I want to assure you that I have absolutely nothing against petite fun lumps. In fact, smuj is particularly attracted to the slighter mammarial body types. However, we are curious about your "elsewhere" stuff... d.b.

Date: 03/29/04   Subject: careful
I just want to know what its like. I have ben wonderin what it would be like to be in front of that many people. I mean i sing in a band in front of about 50 people but naot 200!!! I hope that we could be e-mail buddies even though u don't like children very much.

Bob sez:
You are mistaken, I don't dislike children, it's parents who avoid parental duties that I despise. d.b.

Date: 03/28/04   Subject: Bob for President
Ahoy Bob!
I'll most certainly be votin' for ye as me president o' the US. This one is tryin' to keep a good pirate down, he is. Can't a dishonest man make a dirty living anymore without being CEO of a corporation? I tell ya, the old-fashioned ways just don't work anymore. But when you're elected, I'll commandeer all the pretzel-carryin' ships you need to provide them free ones! Hell, I'll get me a few interns type wenches while I'm at it!
-Cap'n Slash the Scaley

Bob sez:
Slash, I'll need a Secretary of the Navy, you interested? d.b.

Date: 03/28/04   Subject: I am ur biggest fan!!!!
Wow i thought u were the funniest dead thing thats on this earth. its funny because im a child about the age of 12 but i still think u r really cool. I will come back every year and see your show!!!! and i was the red head in the second row to your right!!!!

Bob sez:
I'm afraid you and Bessie [see below] are making similar claims. You can't both be right. I thing you'll have to fight it out. d.b.

Date: 03/28/04   Subject: Im your number 1 fan!!!
Hey Bob!!! I am a girl about the age of 12 and i just love your show!!! i was at your show on saterday morning, i just laughed my head off!!!! i have always wanted to talk to you but i have never got a chance. I hope that when im grown up i get to be one of your Bob Zombies!!!

Bob sez:
Bessie, be careful what you ask for. I'm afraid I have a reputation for ravishing young women. d.b.

Date: 03/25/04   Subject: speechles
Dear mr bob
I finally caught your show at TRF last year. My mother liked yur show very much. When you saw her tyedye teeshirt, you said that if she were more careful with her laundry that wouldnt happen. Ive never seen anyone render my mom speechless before. THANK YOU! hope to see you this year again!
Ded Bob RULES!!!
-kelly warren

Bob sez:
Speechless, eh? Thank Bob for big favors. d.b.

Date: 03/25/04   Subject: Hey Bob!
Bob, read this to Smuj. Or vice versa. Or both.
We Georgians miss the funny dead guy! (That includes those of us who are proud members of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.) What better way to come together as a society than with a group sing-along of "Rudolph the Road Kill Reindeer" and watching Zombie #1 hop madly?
Opposing political views aside, the Georgia Renn Fest isn't the same without you, if you ever decide to come out of the Southwest, make quickly for Fairburn, Ga. and get back to bobmotizing us!
-Tom (also answers to "Hey Audience!")

Bob sez:
Fuck Georgia, it's full of bigots and ignoramuses. I'm punishing you for what you did to Max Cleland. [Except for my Dad who still lives there, and some other friends.] d.b.

Date: 03/24/04   Subject: Your Show Rocks!
We here from the MI Ren-Fest would like to say a few things, Hey db with the Bush jokes you told us: THOSE WERE THE BEST!!! My friends and I laughed our tails off (you might remember I was the one who almost fell off the bench on the third week!) Please run for President or even King! I think that by its self is enough to get people registered to vote. Please continue coming back to the MI ren-fest Get some new songs too. All my teachers think my friends and I are crazy because any time one says the word "SIT" she or he often hears the muffled words "Damn you!" and then with in a few minutes one of your hilarious songs!
-Your loyal minions and Zombies!

Bob sez:
Minions, I'm currently negotiating with MI. Call them and tell them you won't go to the fair unless DED BOB is there. d.b.

Date: 03/24/04   Subject: Political stuffz
Hey... I was just wondering what youve got against Old Navy hehe, guess Im outta the ring on that one. Anyways Im with ya all the way with the NBC CBS and ABC brodcasting stations and all those issues. May the whole Bush Administrations choke on their pretzels
Dedicated fan,

Bob sez:
There are three reasons I despise "Old Navy":
1. Their commercials.
2. They support slave labor.
3. I hate sheeple.

Definition, 'Sheeple': People who follow trends because they have simple minds and can't think for themselves.
For example, sheeple eat at MacDonalds, they shop at WalMart, they think Rush Dimbulb is smart, they think America is moral, they think George W. is a leader, they believe what they see on CNN, FOX, PBS, etc.
Sincerely, d.b.

Date: 03/22/04   Subject: hey
Hey bob and smudge- our family was at the renissance festival in az yesterday and were having a disagreement. were trying to decide whos right when it comes to what u say in ur show. my dad and sister say its "hey audience" "hey bob" but my brother and other sister say its "hey audience" "hey wat" so if u could correct one of them thanx!! by the way, I LOVE ur show!!!
Love always,

Bob sez:
Bob: "Hey Audience"
Audience: "Hey What?"

Date: 03/21/04   Subject: CURIOUS THOUGHT

Bob sez:
Frankly, I agree that it is a shame that people like me are forced to corrupt ourselves to compensate for commercial, lap-dog-journalism.
As it is, I think a few jabs at politics-for-profit are the least of your worries.

Date: 03/15/04   Subject: A fellow dissenter!
Dear Clark,
I've been enjoying the Ded Bob Sho for several years at the AZ Ren Fest. I was pleasantly surprised a couple of years ago when you had the balls to do a Bush joke (the imitation of Bush with Bob's head up his ass). I laughed my ass off while most of the crowd kind of sank down as if they weren't allowed to laugh at that joke. I'll be seeing your show this weekend, and a friend who was there jsut last weekend said you threw in a bunch of Bush jokes! Way to go!
I also have to extend my admiration for the info you're presenting on your website. It's cool that all the people who may have just seen your show for the first time will be checking out your site and will have the opportunity to become informed.
All the Clear Channel stuff is also on my mind. If Clear Channel decides to invest in Ren Faires....I'll just shit myself. I'd hate to imagine some of the acts in the Ren circuit having to tone down their stuff because the Faire got bought by CC. I don't think it would actually happen, however, if things keep up in the same direction we'll end up like the movie Demolition Man. Donny and Marie will be edgy, Jay Leno will be cool, and Kenny G will rock...grrr...
Anyway, thanks for doing what you do. I love your show and I make it a point to see it every year. (I even tip ;) )
Keep up all the good stuff you're doing.
-William Suphan

Bob sez:
Thanks for your support. There is a video you should buy and show to everyone you know. You can get it here: http://www.truthuncovered.com/. Buy as many copies as you can [they're cheap] and then pass them out to anyone who you believe might be open to it.
Thanks again, d.b.

Date: 03/15/04   Subject: hi
hey dead bob
i see ur show every year it rocks when is the next time u go to arizona g2g practice ur songs
-andrea white 10yrs, 5th grade

Bob sez:
Thank you Andrea. Be nice to your teachers and doubt everybody. d.b.

Date: 03/15/04   Subject: Politics
I like most of your stuff but politics is out of your field of expertise. My family goes to the Renaissance Festival for entertainment, not President bashing. Besides, the majority of voters in Arizona are Republicans and some of your comments are not appreciated. Kerry should be off limits too. Stay in the "stiff" part of entertainment.
Sorry, I was fresh out of ripe tomatoes from the "Veggie Toss" or you would have had some for your entertainment.
-Jim Johnson

Bob sez:
There seems to be some misunderstanding concerning my politics.
I find Republicans and Democrats to be two inept and corrupt sides of the same fascist coin. Don't anyone make the mistake that I'm to be labeled as anything but a dead curmudgeon. As for changing my tune in exchange for support from the Old Navy wearing-MacDonalds eating-PBS/FOX watching-legions of the ignorant, I'm not particularly concerned. If Americans had been paying attention, the pretend president would have never passed the smell test. Finally as to my "field of expertise", anytime you want to debate current events, bring it on.

Date: 03/14/04   Subject: You never know when something bad is going to happen...
Hey Bob,
saw your show just today for the first time. and it was love at first sight. you're the best man. and i'd thought you might want to know that. your material is the best.
from the one third to the left in the fourth row,
PS. keep on keepen on

Bob sez:
Ha! I remember you, you were the one with the face and the clothes on. d.b.

Date: 03/14/04   Subject: ello chump
yes, this is in regard to your post-campaign for presidency (which i highly suggest by the way, george "dubba" bush has nothing on you, especially with that pretzel stunt he pulled ... a defying day in history indeed) moving on ..... uhh run for president and we'll vote for you illegally may i note seeing as how we are underage .. as long as no one says anything though, things can work out! ... i know some people who can "take care" of ol' georgy if you know what i mean .. *wink wink*
signed your humble servents (who expect pay)
-Floyd the Barber and Captain Calico Ned

Bob sez:
Hey Floyd, loved you on Andy Griffith. d.b.

Floyd replies:
yo ded bob!! u are king ...any way i just wanted u to know that i chose the name floyd the barber from the nirvana song that was probably written about floyd from Andy Griffith... soooooooooooooo i was wondering if u or smuj listens to nirvana the sex pistols the doors pink floyd or ozzy? or what type of general music u and smuj listen to. -sincerely one of your bobzombies floyd the barber

Bob sez:
Not a big Nirvana fan. I don't care much for whine-rock. d.b.

Date: 03/14/04   Subject: Please don't go
I don't remember when or where I first saw you but it was a long time ago and I've enjoyed seeing you every chance I get. I've been to Renaissance Faires all over the US as, being a very curious person, I have moved around a lot. I always look for you.
I was surprised when I found that you don't perform at all of the faires. I thought I'd just missed you at a couple of them but when talking about you to a friend in Kansas City, who is a regular faire attendee, I discovered that you've never been at a KC faire and he had no idea who you are. I'm horrified that there are people all over the US who have not had the opportunity to see you, hear your message, or be Bobmotized! Worse, now you're considering moving to the Caribbean which will deprive all of us who do know and love you of your bright spirit and pithy humor as well!
Isn't there anything we can do to encourage you to stay and continue to spread you message if GW stays in office? Do you honestly think it will be any better with Kerry? No matter who is in office we'll need you to remind us that things aren't always as the media depicts them. People are more likely to listen when the message is delivered with humor and you do it so well. Please stay and continue to enlighten, educate, and entertain with your silly, raunchy, incisive wit. We all need to play a part in making sure that evil black-hearted power-hungry politicians don't turn our country into their image. The only way things will change is one person at a time. You make a difference.
I hope you change your mind about leaving.
-forever a ded bob fan,
-Cynthia Sweet

Bob sez:
Thank you so much for your support and encouragement.
The reasons for my retirement have more to do with personal goals than anything political. I'm hoping to find some place, a resort town maybe, where I can do my show for tourists. So, don't fret, you may simply have to take a vacation to see Uncle Bob. That would be a good thing. Besides, I'm going to find some new dummies here in the U.S. It won't be smuj anymore, but so what? One dummy is pretty much like another...just look at all the Cheney/Rumsfeld administration supporters.

Date: 03/14/04   Subject: Love to see you again
Hi Ded Bob
Is there any chance that you will come to the Renaissance Festival in Tampa Florida.......I so enjoyed your show in Michigan over the years.....
-NED ( one time a few years ago)

Bob sez:
Fraid not in the near future, Ned. Maybe with a different dummy someday. d.b.

Date: 03/11/04   Subject: Ah, Smuj
Dear Smuj,
I am sure that you don't get much email that is directed to you Sir. I just wanted to tell you that I have enjoyed the DedBob show since 1996. I was introduce to your show when you were performing over where the Wylde Men perform at the mud pit in Apache Junction in Arizona. My first experience with your show has been permenantly imprinted in my mind. I was sitting in the audience behind some man I hadn't even notice until you told me I was ogling his ass.

Bob sez:
Somebody needed to point out your affront to decency. If it had to be me, so be it. d.b.

Date: 03/09/04   Subject: DVD
hey bob hows it going I love your show ant the fest I see it evry year I go you r the best show bar non at the ren fest a couple of thing's first I think you should think about putting your show on dvd. Second I think you should make a cd with all of your sing along songs that would kick ass. if smuj dosnt start typeing for you just cut off the fuge that you give him as a treat till he starts typeing for you and tell him that you will turn the ren fest around and just go home well great to see you again this year here is hotter than hell arizona can't wait to see you again next year and I think the old guy in the neon green shorts dosnt even have a blow up date to use his breath on.
great to see you have a web site that kicks ass.
-Ricard Schuler

Bob sez:
I've yet to see a decent video of my show. I paid a guy $1,500 and it still sucked. Ironically, think the Bob Sho needs to be seen live. d.b.

Date: 03/08/04   Subject: Hey what?
Hey D.B.
The first thing i did when i got my program at the entrance gate of AZ ren fest was find out when n where the next dedbobshow was and planned the rest of the day around it. I also took a date w/ me, and it was actually your show that broke the ice w/ her n got us to loosen up, and the rest was gravy, got to thank you for that, she said she would comeback next yr. just to see your show, your the shizzle and the only way im registering to vote is if your name is on the ballot. You know if you do become president, we could put your face on money upon election cuz you'd meet the qualifications, ded president. you would have to make a 69 dollar bill, it would be the only one that suits you. anyways peace out.

Bob sez:
I like it! The $69 bob..er bill. I think we should nickname the money "Bob" as in, "Give me twenty bob for some beer." The ideas just get better and better. db.

Demapples161 replies:
I am responding this time, to the idiots that are bashing your political views, or that you express them freely in your shows. In dedbobs defense, they're his views, last time i checked we're all aloud to have them, secondly the right to freedom of speech is still reserved, and lastly if you don't like the damn show, here's a thought, don't watch it.... (When I go out to eat, i dont pick something from the menu that i know i am not going to like then complain to the cook after im done forcing it down my throat, how stupid would that be? ) thats my 2 cents on it. This bobzombie is out.

Bob sez:
Thanks. It's sad that people have to get their dissent from a dead puppet. If the media was doing it's job, I wouldn't have to do this. d.b.

Date: 03/07/04   Subject: Love your Style
Dear Bob,
You are the main reason to visit the Az Ren Fest. I especially enjoyed the remarks about the current administration. I love the effect you had on the Right wing peppering through out your audience. Most cheering and the few who got real quiet.
I hope you wake people up with your messages. So many have been brain dead over the last few years it is embarrasing.
I'd like to invite you to a group I partake of. It is listed as an adult discussion board, but the moderator encourages all manners of discussion. I believe your opinions would be well received (of course there are those who refuse to have open minds). Please feel free to check it out. www.SteviSecret@yahoogroups.com
I look forward to hearing from you!

Bob sez:
Thank you. I love it when their little patriotic/indoctrinated bubbles are burst and they discover there are people who actually refuse to be lied to. I'm actually suprised that my show would appeal to a Bush supporter, extreme right wing Christians usually don't have much of a sense of humor, but then fart humor is universal.

Date: 03/07/04   Subject: Love your show!
Hey Bob
I saw your show for the 4th time today at the Arizona Ren. Fest. I loved it, even though I was came in after the rules and you told me to sit down. My boyfriend and I just laugh our tail ends off when we watch you. We bragged about you to his parents and brought them to see you today. This is the second time this year we came to the festival, mainly to see you! I totally disagree to the guy who thinks your wrong on slaming our gov. I think its funnier then hell. Someone needs to do it and you make people laugh when you do it. Thank you for the laughs today. I would have to say your raindeer song is the best. Maybe one year I'll be a zombie and get to check out your roll of quarters. Thanks again!
-Tammy Griffin

Bob sez:
I'm appalled! How dare you accuse me of "slaming" our gov.! [Actually, I'm not sure what that means.] Thanks for watching in any case,

Date: 03/07/04   Subject: AZ Ren Fes
Just saw you at the Ren Festival today, I will be back next weekend to see you again. Laughed my ass off. Keep it up. You got my vote for Prez. -Mike

Bob sez:
Sorry about your ass, that is unless you wanted to lose it. I think smuj could lose about half of his. But the whole thing, that's harsh dude...what do you sit on? I suppose I could spring for a couple of pillows or some ass inserts. Nothing too fancy, but at least you wouldn't have to sit on your tail-bone.
Let me know, d.b.

Date: 03/04/04   Subject: thought you might get a laugh!!
I enjoy your show every time your in AZ thanks so much for making us laugh!
Read on and maybe I can share my laughter with you
-Lisa A. Peasley

Bob sez:
Lisa, this was fun. Who-ever the author is, I'm impressed. d.b.

Date: 03/02/04   Subject: AZ faire
Hey Ded Bob--I just saw your show for the 1st time 2/29/04 at the Az Ren Festival. It was hilarious and even made a lasting Impression on my 7 year old niece and 5 year old nephew. They went to school telling everyone they saw Ded Bob. Just wanted to say thanks for the laughs and keep it up. We love baby!!!

Bob sez:
You love me? You really, really love me? d.b.

Date: 03/02/04   Subject: DB for Prez
Hey ded bob i love you and i will vote for you for Prez Love ya and were still on for friday!!
-L.K. Greene

Bob sez:
Meet me in St. Louis. d.b.

Date: 03/02/04   Subject: ARIZONA
First time to your show on Feb. 28th in Arizona. Great show!!!
Question 1: If the festival only runs on the weekends what do you do during the week?
Question 2: How do you get in contact with the gorgeous wenches from the Tournament of Champions? LOL Keep up the great work!
P.S. Do you travel with all those people all the time? Must get crazy!
-John, Yuma, AZ

Bob sez:
John, it's not a circus. We're all independent. But yes, it is quite crazy. d.b.

Date: 03/01/04   Subject: Ded Bob is hilarious! :)
Hey baby! I saw your show this weekend at the Arizona RenFest, and I must say, quite impressive! You've got to be the sexiest bag of bones that I've ever seen! Your show was very funny, and I'm glad that you touched upon subjects that people need to be aware of (ie: the state of our self destructing country, thanks to the morons in Washington.) Just wanted to thank you for the enjoyment, and for converting me to a Bob-Zombie. Keep up the good work!

Bob sez:
Jen, thanks for your support. Don't forget to vote, and call your voting commission and make sure they have a paper ballot. d.b.

Date: 02/29/04   Subject: You Rock
I got to see the show today at the AZ Ren Festival. Awesome, wonderful, super, great.....
It was my second time seeing the show. I had my sister who was a "Ded Bob Virgin." She loved it...said it was her fave show at the festival.

Bob sez:
Why thankee there missy. Y'all come back hyear? Ah likes vergins. d.b.

Date: 02/27/04   Subject: Hey Bobby!
Hey Bob!
Once again I am writing to you because you kick total ass! I saw you a few times at MRF This past season, (Sorry it took so long for me to acctually e-mail you) We finally conned my younger brother into going to faire and even now he talks about going back just to see you! But who can blame the kid? Are you coming to MRF this year? Please say yes! I'll acctually have money to tip you with this year seeing as I have a job now...so yeah. Ok, I had better go before someone kicks me off the computer! Just wanted to drop my favorite ded guy a line!
Love Always,
~*The Horny One*~

Bob sez:
Horny, I'm not so interested in your little brother, how bout a sister? Or a cousin? d.b.

Date: 02/25/04   Subject: My true luv, DB!
Dearest Bob,
You r the 1, the only 1 for me. Please take me away to be your Queen of the Ded! I'll pick your bones, .... your maggots, dig your dirt. Take me, I'm yours! I've been Bobmatized for the past 10 years!
-Live Queen Mary

Bob sez:
Mary, alas, my maggot days are over. However, if they ever come back, I'll look you up. d.b.

Date: 02/23/04   Subject: Video's...
Ded Bob,
Having been to your show at the Phoenix Festival the past couple of years, I was hoping that there were video's out there for purchase of your show. I look forward to attending your show in the future and enjoying it year-round at home...and introducing you to the others that have not been able to see it live (or dead)....

Bob sez:
Gary, I've never seen a video of the show that captured the essence of the dedbob experience. Ironically, I think you need to see me live. d.b.

Date: 02/22/04   Subject: To Dedbob from AZ
Hi Ded Bob, I saw you in the Arizona Renaissance Festival for the second year in a row and I must say, your show never gets old. In fact it keeps getting funnier. Maybe it's cuz I've been bobmotized. But I must say that your political views that you show on your website are absolutely true and I have noticed everything you mentioned as well. The reason I saw all of this is probably due to the fact that I'm Canadian and having moved here to Arizona at a young age I don't think I've been fully "emmersed" into the American Government's false promises and it's false hopes it puts in the people. That's right, I may very well be your first Canadian Bob-Zombie. But more to the point, I'm glad to see that I am not the only person....errr....bag of bones... that sees the shadowy actions of the Pres's Cabinet for what it really is. But I was wondering, do you think it will get better? How do you think the people of America can get off their lazy butts and say "Hey, we the proud Bob-motized are here to say we're not gonna put up with this any longer?"
Keep up the good work,
-Karlen Kendrick

Bob sez:
I'm afraid the possibility of things getting better are slim. Bush is self-destructing, but he has a political propaganda machine behind him that the world has never seen. A quick study of the Roman Empire will give you a possible end scenario for American Fascism. I'm planning to leave the U.S. if the Bush Dynasty gets re-appointed. Look for Bob in the Carribean,

Date: 02/21/04   Subject: HEY BOB!
Just wanted to drop you a line and say that the show I caught in Arizona was totally kick ass! By all means, keep it up!
P.S.-I was just wonderin'...how much do you make during each show, on average?
-Josh, the Recently Bob-motized

Bob sez:
How rude! How dare you ask such a thing?! I'm astounded that this type of nosiness is considered snafu these days. About a bizillion simoleans a day. d.b.

Date: 02/21/04   Subject: Califorina
Hi! Bob,
This is Kimberly Plum from Santa Ana,CA. I am 9 years old and I saw your show at the Rennasance Fair in AZ. It was great!!!!! I was wondering if you do any shows in California if you do please tell me when & where. About the show my favorite song was Deed Bob Zombies Sing This Song (doo-dah,doo-dah) it was the BEST .I have to go loved your show! Bye!!!
-Kimberly Plum

Bob sez:
Kimberly, I don't do any California shows right now, but keep checking my website, things change. d.b.

Date: 02/21/04   Subject: sup?
Hey DedBob....
I found your web site from a link from the Renassance Faire official page. I luved your web site its great, and it'd be awsome if their was a cabnet of yumminess we should have a prez. that does that. lol Anywayz, I wanted to say hi and I hope I can go to the Ren. Fest next year and see you and say whats up? Its in AJ right now but I can't go this time so I went online to look and see if I could be on cast like one of my chick friends. ( so hard to find! :p ) tty laterz.

Bob sez:
Candy, what the world needs now is yumminess, sweet yumminess. d.b.

Date: 02/21/04   Subject: Was Ded Bob HUNG or was he HANGED?
Being the Grammar Nazi that I am, I can't help but point out an error in the Story of Ded Bob. It is stated that Sir Bob was "hung" for some trivial infraction. The correct wording is to say that Ded Bob was "hanged". I know - it doesn't sound right, but you'll have to trust me on this one. My father was a judge. He made a point of letting me know the correct wording of the phrase, "Hanged by the neck until Ded."
To say that Ded Bod was "hung" is to say that he was.... Uh... Well...
Nevermind. Leave the page the way it is. Sorry to have wasted your time.
(BTW, I have a 17 year daughter and a 47 year old girlfriend who recently met Ded Bob at the Phoenix Ren Fair)

Bob sez:
I too am a language nerd. You can be sure that my grammar choices are specifically chosen. However, truth be told, I wasn't hung "...from yonder tree." but more like the trunk of "yonder tree". "Was" is the operative word there. I haven't hung for some time. But now, when I get stiff...it's from head to toe!

Date: 02/21/04   Subject: Hey Ded Bob!! Love the show!!
Hey there, Bob!! I see your show every year at the AZ Renaissance Festival. You are definitely my favourite show. I always end up with the refrain of your song stuck in my head. But it's awesome, so it's all good. I love your reasons why you feel you should be president. I think you should run for president. The other candidates wouldn't stand a chance. Anyway, love the show, and I'll probably be back to see ya before the festival is over. By the way, you're the sexiest ded guy I've ever seen.

Bob sez:
Ashley, I love you for loving me. When you think you're ready, we'll seal the deal and...well we'll see. d.b.

Date: 02/19/04   Subject: somebody help us!
Hey Ded Bob!
Saw you at the Michigan Ren Fest last August and loved every minute of your show! I especially liked the president comments. Whoever said Michigan was a republican state was an absolute whacko! I'm a right wing, democratically based voter all the way, and I have been for the last 10 years. Anyway, I would love to be a Bob Zombie this summer, but I doubt you'd be able to get me up on stage, since I am in a wheelchair, but hey, if it's possible, count me in! I'll be the one wearing the knight outfit with the crown. I'll send you a pic of me in costume if ya like, so maybe you could look out for me. Maybe you remember, but a few years back you called me a "pushy bastard" for wanting a picture with you when you were about to leave? Made my day to be acknowledged by the one and only DED BOB! Looking forward to seeing you this summer.
-Kevin Smith
(No I'm NOT the famous director who did Clerks and all those other movies, even though I sometimes tell people I am lol)

Bob sez:
Kevin, thanks for your input.
I think the intellectual midget that was appointed to the white house is self-destructing. His inept interview on Meet the Press was quite enlightening to the legions of sheeple who were duped by the lap dog corporate press into thinking he was capable of leadership. Unfortunately, the religious right wing morons have been running for office while the rest of us were basking in the relative calm during the 90s. We are also doomed by the likelihood of Osama turning up just when Bush's numbers are bottoming out. If that doesn't work, look for another [allowed] terrorist attack to ratchet up the fear factor. We are also doomed by the paperless voting machines which are even now being installed by the Republican manufacturer Diebold. Fortunately for me, I can afford to leave this fascist nation if the asshole gets re-elected. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.

Date: 02/16/04   Subject: We miss you....
Hey Bob,
This is a quick note from a couple of ex-Michiganders who recently moved to Florida and are now heartbroken that we won't be seeing you at the Bay Area Ren-Fest. WE MISS YOU, SWEETHEART! Please please please come visit us here in Florida! There might be a couple of big sloppy wet kisses in it for you from my mother and myself. You are definately sexier AND more entertaining than Manolete and his sweaty thong!
Love always,
-Sunshine Sara

Bob sez:
Manolete is a good friend of mine, and you can be sure I'll show him this e-mail. I love rubbing his nose in my superior ability to woo the fairer sex. As for coming to Fla., I think that faire is owned by a certain Jim Peterson. He's a megolomaniac, and I'm already doing one of his shows in Mich. The only reason I'm staying there is for the fans.

Date: 02/16/04   Subject: I caught your show
I caught your show at the Arizona fair this weekend, while visiting my parents there. You were definitely the funniest show there. I, in fact, had just the night before told my parents how anyone who still says "Nucular" after 3 years in office is far too stupid to be President. And there you were, making the same comment in a (slightly) more subtle fashion. I am Bobmotized!
I don't understand how people in this country can be so blind. If a Democratic president was doing the things Bush has done, the Republicans would have crucified him twice over by now, after impeaching him. Clinton was impeached for being on the receiving end of a consensual blow job and trying to keep his private life private. But because Bush is a Republican, raping this country and the world and lying about it is The Right Thing To Do.
So, how come you're not in the Northern California renaissance fair?

Bob sez:
Thanks for your letter, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks the president appointee is an imbecile.
As to California, I think they take the whole thing a bit too seriously for Bob to perform there. I directed a Shakespeare parody that I wrote for Julius Caesar about 8 years ago and I have to say, that the locals there were pretty scary.
Thanks again, and if you're interested in some political activism, call your local voting registrar and ask if they have paperless voting machines. If they do, hassle them until they provide an auditable voting system.
Stiffly yours, d.b.

Date: 02/16/04   Subject: ded bob for president
Sounds great. the only concern is the conservative slam. hopefully bob is not a womanizing piece of shit, bleeding heart democrat who lies at every chance. long live or be dead, bob!
-Arlene Stroup

Bob sez:
I am a womanizer, and they like it!
What exactly is a bleeding heart? If that means I care about the people in other countries that the corporate world is using as slave labor; then yes, I suppose I am. I also care that my tax dollars are being used to destroy democracies around the world because they don't embrace corporate greed.
As for Democrats lying: No doubt, but they have a long way to go to catch up with Republicans. When Clinton lied, it was about a blowjob and who gives a shit. When Bush lies, he doesn't even know it, and thousands of human souls are destroyed. I'll take the blowjob any day.

Date: 02/11/04   Subject: nice to see the politics
Mr. Bob (or can I call you Ded?),
I saw your show last Saturday at the opening of the Arizona festival. I wanted to say thanks for not backing away from the politics. I completely agree with your assessment of the current state of the US. I am completely appalled by what the Bush administration is doing to the environment, civil liberties, and our access (or lack of) to our own government.
Keep up the good work,

Bob sez:
Thanks Andy,
I just got an angry e-mail from a Bush supporter. For the life of me..[ha!] I can't understand anyone supporting an AWOL Ex drunk filthy rich simpleton who failed at everything he's ever done. If it wasn't for his secret lover Karl Rove, he'd still be losing games with the Texas Rangers.

Date: 02/07/04   Subject: whatz up?
tell smuj to get of his lazy fat ass and email us back. we are really really x 10 big fans of you show. we will see you tomorrow (sunday feb. 8) again tell smuj to get of his lazy ass an email us back.can we get free t-shirts? please x 1,950,901.
we love you,
p.s. how big is your boner really?
-stephani martin and courtney cook

Bob sez:
S & C,
Here it is, your response from the almighty bob. smuj is comatose on the sofa [I call him a sofa-squash]. As for my bone, you show me yours and I'll show you mine. d.b.

Date: 02/06/04   Subject: What is up?
What is up my Ded Homie?
How's it going. I see you every year at the Arizona Renaissance Festival. I think that your the Coolerest! I've been BOBMOTIZED so many times it's not funny. Can I buy a Bob Bobble Head? Or are you ever gonna sell them?
I idolize you for your stories and songs, you are a modern day Shakespeare. You rock!!!
Signed one of Many Bob-Zombies

Bob sez:
Yo, home-chunk - sorry, no bobble heads. d.b.

Date: 02/04/04   Subject: February 7th is almost here!
Yo Ded Dog,
I'm all the shizzle about the bizzle and y'all be getting' down with yo ded self my mortified beeeotch. Ahhh, screw that crap! Can't wait to see you in AJ. By the way, did you know when you get to AJ, the number of teeth per capita doubles?
Be rigor,

Bob sez:
Is that because of the cheap dentists in mexico? d.b.

Date: 02/08/04   Subject: bob dolls
HEY D.B.!!!!
Hey I went to the festival in Arizona today and loved your show it was my favorite part. I have actually seen it before but was so young I really didnt remember it. I am now 17 and am actually understanding your jokes (last time I was about 7 or 8). Hey I have a suggestion for you..... what about Ded Bob figuriens maybe some small (dare I say) Barbie type things. I love you and your show and would love to have little Ded Bobs around my room ;) Anyways keep up the awsome work and say "Hey" to Smudge for me.
Your friend and faithful fan,
-Aubrey G.

Bob sez:
Aubrey, I have an aversion to useless plastic objects. d.b.

Date: 02/08/04   Subject: That Louise Wong's got...what?
Dear Clark and hand:
Just saw your 2-7-04 show at ARF (AZ). Great stuff esp the politkal stuff.
One bone to pick (was that your joke?): When db picked Miss Cleavage 1999 your line was Firesign's: "She's got a balcony you can do Shakespeare off of." Perhaps this was just an impromptu line but if it is a standard line you ought to credit the 4 or 5 crazy guys or else I will or at least list the group amongst your influences on your website. I know the guys (and even have a small part in a Nick Danger production which never had wide release) and perhaps you do also. DB's got a great opportunity to awaken memories of Firesign Theatre in some 57 year old brain-fried-on-drugs-and-Pam (tm) audience member.
Thanks for the mammaries.
-John V Scialli, M.D.

Bob sez:
Point taken. I will credit them on the website.
I started doing that line as you said, without even realizing it was a Firesign Theater line. I did realize it some time ago, but like most comedians, I'm not above stealing from time to time. Thanks for reminding me - "The Hand"

Date: 02/02/04   Subject: ded bob...um...whats it like?
umm....hey...question for d.b...is there REALLY a light at the end of the tunnel? or is that a cheap scam like George W. Bush still being president...? Whats it like being dead? Is it fun? Good thing you were never buried because that would have been pretty gross...I mean, who wants maggots eating their bodies? its just NOT right...tsk tsk...So, if you are alive and dead at the same time, can you see dead people? or perhaps all you see is dumb people...hmm...well anyways, just wanted to ask you some of those questions and say that i can't wait until faire time! I can't wait to look into your eye sockets and be BOBMITIZED again!!!!!! *starts humming* ol ded bob had a dysfunctional farm.... BYE!!!
-Lisa Lane

Bob sez:
No, there is no light. Fascist have taken over and unless you're a white right wing christian, there are hard times a comin'. Actually I was buried. Maggots cleaned my bones, that's why I don't stink now. [If only Smuj didn't stink] Thanks for paying attention, d.b.

Date: 01/31/04   Subject: Diet for smudge
Hey Bob!
Look to me that smudge is putting on a little weight. You can either put him on Atkins or start calling him pudgy. Looking forward to seeing you and your 1 and 1/2 assistants in AZ.....
Was smudge an alterboy?
Warmest regards.

Bob sez:
He's beyond pudgy. As for Atkins, I'm looking forward to all of the meat junkies getting their brains eaten from the inside out by mad cow. d.b.

Date: 01/20/04   Subject: Small children love Ded Bob...
Hi Ded Bob!
My daughter wants to know how old you are! She is 7. She says " I have 2 cats, do you have any animals?"
Thanks! and we'll see you in AZ next month!

Bob sez:
I'm a thousand and six. I have a dead cat, his name is ded cat. Thanks for writing, see you in AZ. d.b.

Date: 01/17/04   Subject: Colorado renfest...
Ded Bob,
We love your show!!!! You totally kick ass! My friends and I that work at the Colorado Ren Fest are still "bobmatized." Serioulsy. We all have those inside jokes and you're included in a lot of them! Like "Sit! DAMN YOU!" or " I like bonkin' you baby!" There are tons of them that we joke about. My Best friend and I got our pictures taken with you the last weekend of faire. She is Lady Raven and I'm Lady Vala. You rather enjoyed our "balconies." But anyway, fair thee well and we hope to see you again this summer!!!!
Love always,
-Lady Raven, Lady Vala and the foresters

Bob sez:
Of course you love me. It is, in fact, impossible not to. I have a mojo the size of george W. bush's bankbook. I put a whammy on yo asses. Take it and like it. d.b.

Date: 01/05/04   Subject: Mich renfest...
Dear Ded Bob,
Saw u at the Mich Renfest, thought ur sho was awesome as ususal. Being non-partisan, I couldnt help but notice that most of your anti-establishment, anti-bush rhetoric didnt go over too well - mayhap Bob is unaware that MI is a raving republican state, which accounts for any lapses in appropriate level of accolades during any of Bob's said MI appearances. LOL still cool to see their blank stares, tho. U kick ass!! Rockon Bob!!
-some nameless Bob zombie

Bob sez:
Since when has Michigan been republican?
If so, the only explanation could be that they actually believe mainstream media is honest and accurate. As for whether or not they continue to support me...I don't really give a shit if I get support from morons.
I had a record year last year and one more thing: I did the same material in TEXAS. The reaction was quite interesting and consistant, about half began to cheer, but then became intimidated by Bush supporters. And most interesting of all, nobody left.
Non-partisan as I see it nowadays is another term for apathetic. d.b.

Date: 01/05/04   Subject: Tshirts...
Hey Bob!
You so need to sell "Ded Bob for Presidents" T-shirts. You know put your campaign logo on front and the "Top 10 reasons..." on the back side. As a faithful Bob Zombie, I'm wear mine in your support!
-Michelle A. Cano, Devoted Bob Zombie

Bob sez:
The shirts are availabe - check my Get Bob Stuf pages for details.

Date: 01/05/04   Subject: From your fan...
Dear Ded Bob,
I am an 11 yr. old girl that praises you! The summer of my 4th grade yr. was wonderful the day I saw the extremly funny DED BOB! You probably don't remember but you called my cousin a pencil head(haha!).You were so funny with your show! Especially when you called up the audiance to collect the tips and of course you picked a pretty(sexy to you) girl! Then you flirted with her!
I always go to your site! I almost memorized most of your songs! Then my brother(13) and I preformed them in front of my mom and her friend!I feel pretty corney right now at my house it is 6:46 a.m.! I am sorry if I am bugging you I just wanted to say you made my life feel alot better after I watched your show!
From your fan,

Bob sez:
Thank you for your kind note. It really made my day. I look forward to seeing you next year. d.b.

Date: 01/04/04   Subject: Ded bob
Mr Bob you are obviously much more intelligent than you let on, but since you want to keep it a secret I won't tell any body. I agree with you we could well be on the verge of a totalitarian episode. My mother was raised in Nazi Germany and I have heard plenty about Hitler's rise to power(I was born there in 48.)It seems that what is happening now a days, even though the specifics are different, the strategy is similar.

Bob sez:
What scares me more than anything else, is the complicity of mainstream media, IE. CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, [Petrochemical Broadcasting System] NPR [National Petroleum Radio] and the scum of all scum FOX. If we can't get the truth from them, what hope is there? Well, there is hope. You probably already know about my "politics" page, if you go there, you can find sites for unfiltered info.
Thanks for paying attention, d.b.

Wanna email Ded Bob? He'll get back to you as soon as humanly possible. If you're lucky, maybe even sooner.

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