Letters from 2006

Date: 12/30/06   Subject: coming to Las Vegas!
We saw you at the Texas Ren Fest. Now we live in Las Vegas. Will you come here to perform? We'd love to see you in this desert.
-Gooly Gool

Bob sez:
Hmmmm... lounge bob. d.b.


Date: 12/20/06   Subject: Hey bob!!!!!
Hey bob i was just wanting to tell you that your show is the best show ever and i wanted to go to the renfest but i didnt have enouf money so just keep performing and stuff.
-Jacky Jonson
P.S. YOU ROCK

Bob sez:
Jacky, the tickets to the fair are far over-priced, in my opinion, but learn your p's and q's and how to separate the scoop from the b.s., and someday you'll own this faire. d.b.


Date: 11/28/06   Subject: ded bob dummy, er smarty
Being one of the 'bad' parents yearly at your show, of course, the number one item on my 9 year olds list is a Ded Bob smarty of his own. OK, I'm not really bad, my 9 year old has the jokes go right over his head, but we've told him which ones he can't repeat in grown up hearing so CPS doesn't come visit. The kiddo really wants his own Ded Bob. Well who wouldn't? So, If I buy a small medical skeleton and play with the head, God does that sound like Bob, am I on the right path?
Thanks - not a bad mom, really, we'll stop bringing him when he starts catching on.
-Saundra

Bob sez:
Saundra, you're not a 'bad' parent, you're a 'baaaaad' parent. d.b.


Date: 11/23/06   Subject: MI Ren Fest
Dear Lord and Master, Ded Bob
Lady Katrina here just wondering if you have ever had a mother/daughter team work your show? My 18-year-old daughter, Lady Jennifer and I eat, sleep and breathe you, and will be at your show, AGAIN, in MI next year. I think you'll have a VERY tough time deciding who to Bobmotize! I've been to your show numerous times, but have never been "bonked" by you, and this would be her first legal opportunity, although I admit, she does look younger than she is. Then again, so do I. Genetics can be a wonderful thing! Your parents must have been something, because you have some hot-looking bones for your age! Come to think of it, where were you about 18 years and five months ago...! Anyway, MISS YOU!!!! Can't wait to see you again!
Much Love (and Lust)
-The Lady Katrina
P.S. We've both written to you before...THANK YOU for actually taking the time to answer!!!!

Bob sez:
Lady Katrina, I'm breathless.
Literally and figuratively - a mother/daughter offer doesn't come along every day. Implicit in your missive was the notion of which... mother or daughter might get chosen. But how about a combo?!?!?!? Both... at the same time... a horn-dog's dream!
The question is... Mary/Fifi or Fifi/Mary? I suppose we'll just have to wait and see.
d.b.


Date: 11/19/06   Subject: new material?
ded bob...always love your sho....one q...when can we pls see some new material? Seems like the same stuff for years, no offense inteneded....just really want to know.....again, love you...
-a faithful zombie, Dominique

Bob sez:
Dominique,
I wrote two other stories, and the most frequent comment was, "I liked the old story better." Of course, that's because I wrote dog shows, not because the concept of doing new material is undoable.
smuj is a lazy bastard, that's about all the excuse I can muster.
Thanks for all the years of your support, I'll understand if you don't come back. Who knows, maybe...not likely...but maybe, I'll get a burst of creativity and blurt out something workable. Till then, d.b.


Date: 11/15/06   Subject: a new follower
HEEEY BOB!!!!
I saw your show for the first time at Texas Renfest (11/12/06) and loved it..I havent laughed that hard in a long time. Its great the way you do the audience participation and spare no one, whether its in your jokes or just screwing with people in the crowd.. there were a couple of people sitting behind me that I heard griping about some of your jokes, yet they stayed...sounds like bush-ites to me....the material on W rocked...I look forward to seeing your show again next year.
Have a good 'un.
-Brian Gannaway

Bob sez:
Brian, there seems to be a 25-30% core of imbeciles who will never change their minds about anything no matter how strong the evidence is against their presumptions. But then, if there weren't, we wouldn't have anyone to make fun of. d.b.


Date: 11/15/06   Subject: my wedding
so hey...you rock..i want you to perform at my wedding...please. if not ill kick your ass
-gina
p.s. seriously..please

Bob sez:
Only if I get first crack at the bride... and $1000.00 plus expenses. d.b.


Date: 11/15/06   Subject: Dont read! (its fan mail)
Hey Bob! I was just at your show in the medievel festical in Sarasota and it was awesome! (It was Bob and puj, not smuj though) And you said I can be a fat smelly guy that holds bob when I get older, well, i've been practicing holding my brother like pudge holds you, (my brothers a skinny white guy too) and its really helping.
-Tyler (13)

Bob sez:
Brian, HOW DARE YOU!!!! Spreading unfounded rumors is what is turning this country into a cesspool. I am tempted to sue you for libel... "festical" indeed!!!!
I have never done a festical... they're despicable celebrations of debauchery. Usually, that would be right down my alley, but they descriminate against certain 'types' if you know what I mean, and I will not be a party to such bigotry.
Watch what you say, young man.
d.b.
O, and I'm up to my neck in wannabe-dummies.


Date: 11/12/06   Subject: Bite Size
Dear Ded Bob,
Thought I'd share a photo from one of your recent performances at the Michigan Ren Fest. That's my 16 year old daughter with you and Smuj - aka Bob Zombie number three, aka Bite Size". Enjoyed your show, as always. Jennifer thought you were headed toward me - because you, in her words, "always pick older women" to play Fifi. She was genuinely surprised that you Bobmotized her. I was laughing too hard to say anything! Great fun!
This year was a three generation event - my mom was there too. I've attached a photo of the three of us, as well. My mom behaved at your show, but she did heckle the Zuchinni Brothers.
I can't even remember how many times I've seen your show, but I enjoy it every time. This year was the best!
Thank you,
-Catherine

Bob sez:
If I'd have known she was jail-bate... well it's too late now, she been bobmotized. d.b.


Date: 11/11/06   Subject: great show
Hey Ded Bob how's it hagin? Loved your show this past weekend, i missed it last year but i was glad to see some changes from the last time. Oh by the way, if u remember i jappanese guy putting a dollar in your eye, well this year he was the one who gave u the 'One Free Kiss' coupon at ur 10:30 show. Sorry to let tell you, but he plans on doing something to annoy you every year until he stops coming....which might be awhile.
-Brian Anderson

Bob sez:
Brian, any chance the show he just saw could be his last? Seriously, smuj is on the edge... I mean it... he doesn't suffer fools readily these days... be a sport and tell your 'friend' to chill. d.b.


Date: 11/08/06   Subject: Hey, you know when you ask for tips...
Dear Dead Bob,
You know when you ask for tips at the end of the show? Well my little cousin, (who I am sorry to say is too young to count her own money) was given a 10 dollar bill to spend at the festival. Well, when you asked for all the kids to come up and give you a tip, Me, and my other younger cousin decided to do just that but only give you a buck. (since that was all we had. sorry.) Well, the youngest one had decided to give you ALL of her money, not knowing that she would not receive any more. I believe you should watch the younger children more closely, just to make sure that they aren't giving you like a 20 or something without their parents permission. Don't get me wrong, your show was AWSOME, but you see, I got into some pretty big trouble for not watching her closely enough and I want to make sure that this doesn't happen again in the future. Again, I love your show.
Sincerely,
-Haleigh Dean

Bob sez:
Haleigh,
I'm so sorry this happened... but I'm not sure I can keep it from happening again. I've no way of knowing whether a tip is intended or not, and I can't really stop and ask every tipper to confirm their tip. So... uh... look before you tip. d.b.


Date: 11/07/06   Subject: hey bob
whats shakin? saw the show saturday, incredibly hilarious as usual. i meant to ask you before i left but i got hungry. yet, im still incredibly curious about this one joke you made. a woman was wearing a red shiny hairy wig, and you looked at her and said "Good God, woman. Did you rear end a smurf?" i laughed real hard and yet i have no idea why cause i made no sense, at least none that i could see. am i missing something? please fill me in on that one.
thanks,
-dave

Bob sez:
David,
Well, you've caught me with my cultural pants down. Smurfs aren't red, they're blue. So just f'ng sue me. Send me to prison for 100 years... deport me... hang me... again. I'm only flesh and bones.... er.... bones and dummy. d.b.


Date: 11/06/06   Subject: Ded Bob = great Smuj = not so much
HEY DED BOB! I went to see your show twice yesterday at the Texas Renfest (11-6-06) like every year I've been going. (I always watch it twice because it rocks that much) But anyways, It seems like your show gets better every year! I'm only 13, so I'll probably see the sho quite a few more times. My favorite part was the Ded Bob singalong. Old Ded Bob had a Dysfunctional Farm! EE-I-EE-I-O! Keep doing the show, it gets better and better every year. This year, my mom came for the first time, anddidn't understand that she was supposed to sit down throughout the whole thing! After we put some money in the sack she just stood up and tried to leave, but obviously that wasn't going to happen. Those impersonations are awesome, especially the one about W. Keep it up!
Your most faithful Bob Zombie,
-Mac

Bob sez:
Thanks Erin. Bless you and the parents you rode in on. d.b.


Date: 11/06/06   Subject: Hello!!!!
OMG!!! So I Go and watch your show every year!!! and this year I just happened to get my mom to watch and she LOVED you!!!! she thought you where funny!!!!! My dad Also Loves you!!!! Which is kinda wired.. but we come and see you every year and even though it's the same thing every time you makes us laugh sooooo much!!!! We Love you so Much and can't wait till next year!!!!! When you come Back to Holy, Michigan!!!!!
One Of Your Big Fans,
-Erin Morgan!!!

Bob sez:
Thanks Erin. Bless you and the parents you rode in on. d.b.


Date: 11/05/06   Subject: laugh a lot
Holy Jesus on a cracker,
I went to the Texas Re. Fest. for the first time yesterday and the first thing me & my best friend did was see your show. He had been telling me about it for years and when I finally saw it I laughed so hard I almost choked to death on my reese's pieces! Your show was the best part of the whole festival!!! You're just so friggin hilarious and I just wanted to say that you have one more devoted bobzombie out there and I will come to every festival from here on out just to see your show.
-Arlen

Bob sez:
Arlen,
Your sense of humor is, clearly, in excellent condition. However, if you come again to the ded bob sho and continue to inhale confections, you should know that neither the ded bob sho, nor the texas renaissance festival, will assume any fiscal responsiblity for an early demise, on your part, as a result of decease ala reese.
Keep your airways clear, d.b.


Date: 11/05/06   Subject: REN FEST Carolina
Hey Bob!!
i just saw your show for the first time yesterday, November 4, 2006. I've got to say that was the most hysterical thing I've ever seen or heard!! Can't wait to go back and see it again. Our company is doing a group thing on November 19. Wanna do a group thing??
So was that slj or smj, yesterday?
-Merry B.

Bob sez:
Merry B,
You had the good luck to see sluj, my #2 dummy. Thanks for the positive feedback, I'll pass it on to sluj. He'll likely drool on it and then pick his nose. d.b.


Date: 11/05/06   Subject: 5:00 show on Nov. 4
Hi, Bob!
We saw you at the Texas Renaissance Festival on Saturday when my husband and I introduced our 17 year old son and 14 year old daughter to your show. Told them they simply had not been to the RenFest unless they had seen your show. They loved it! Not sure that my daughter 'got' all of your jokes, but she did say she laughed so hard she had a stomachache afterwards.
Anyway, good show! Thank you for giving us a silly family memory to look back upon and smile.
Your adoring fan,
-Sherri

Bob sez:
Sherri, what a nice letter. I can't even be sarcastic... it's too sweet. Thanks for your support, and it's probably time to lock your daughter in the basement. See you next time at the faire, d.b.


Date: 11/04/06   Subject: DED BOB FOR PRESIDENT!!
hey bob!!! I must say that I love your show! ever since I was small i have been a total loyal fan. You should run for president, seriously I think you would be the best! Well I am hoping to get some pictures developed so that you can see them! I was there with one of my friends and it was her first time experiencing ded bob. She said she loved it just as much as I do. We plan on making shirts and coming out to see you again soon! Talk to you later!!!!!
MUCH LOVE FOR YOU!
-Leila (BOB zombie forever!)
PS - Thought you would like a picture. Just so you know I am the one on the right! LOVE YA ALWAYS!

Bob sez:
Leila, your vote has been registered and tabulated. Now, if you can just get 200 million of your friends to do likewise, we're in. d.b.


Date: 11/03/06   Subject: Tourette Syndrome
While attending your show recently, we were stunned by your remark about a chicken with Tourette Syndrome. Like thousands and thousands of other children battling this condition, our son has Tourette Syndrome, including Capralalia (involuntary foul language). We were absolutely paralyzed by your comment and our son was especially distraught for several days afterwards. The emotional stress of hearing you make fun of his condition and the idea that everyone there was laughing at him triggered his motor tics and vocal tics to flare up violently to the point he had to miss school.

Perhaps you should educate yourself on this condition. If you did, you'd realize that this is primarily a disorder that effects children ages 7-18. Most of the children with Tourette Syndrome do not express Capralaia, but those that do are especially outcast. They have enough difficulty handling the stress of ridicule from other kids, uninformed parents and school administrators. They don't need to be singled out to thousands of people that attend your show every week (including children) for the sake of your attempt to get a laugh and earn a few bucks.
-Mr. M

Bob sez:
Yikes.
Of all the things I could get criticized for, I never thought it would be this. Alright, I'll go back to my old 'chicken with a crappy attitude', instead. Sorry about your son; I knew a guy in Atlanta that was actually performing with Tourettes. The audience didnt know what to make of it, but he did o.k., considering his condition. d.b


Date: 11/01/06   Subject: T.R.F. 10-21-06
Maybe it was because I had heard that your show was so funny that I was disgusted by your "jokes". It's bizarre that you advise parents not to bring their kids since your form of humor is so juvenile and disrespectful. Apparently, you are too stupid to realize that your political "humor" offends more that it tickles since President Bush (from TEXAS....hellllLLLOOOO) is the most powerful person in the world. Not that I agree with everything he has done but the office of the presidency and the person who holds that office should be respected. Leave the politics out since there are many, many funny topics that would not tick off your audience.
BTW, you were the only show that I attended that I did NOT give a tip. I gave the Washer Women $10. There was no political statement in THEIR show.
-Gance, happy and proud Texas since I won't be seeing YOU again

Bob sez:
I'd say that makes me one ballsy dead guy, eh, bashing the world's leading terrorist in his own [via new haven connecticut] adopted state?
I'm chalking your opinion up to ignorance. If you knew what I knew, I've little doubt you would be first in line to stab this spoiled-brat, ignoramous in the eye. d.b.


Date: 10/30/06   Subject: Loved your show as always, but....
...this email is to address those that have emailed to say that you're not funny, or they were offended, etc. To those people:
Look up and down the page. Take a good look. Do you see the massive numbers of positive feedback for The Ded Bob Show vs. the naysayers who hated the show, plus the one you have submitted (or are about to)? In fact, take a moment to do a count. That's quite a ratio, is it not? It almost makes a rational person want to stop and think that maybe Ded Bob isn't really your problem. Face it....you're an uptight, joyless minority and your ilk is slowly dwindling. No one is willing to cater to your sensibilities anymore. Either pull that stick out and grow a sense of humor, or lock yourself and your family away in a dark room, where you'll be safe from Ded Bob.
Rock on, Ded Bob (and Smuj),
-Chris Hutchins, A Texas RenFest regular
P.S. Ded Bob, you miiight want to start writing some new material. I still love you though and I'll never miss your show.

Bob sez:
Thanks for the support Chris, but you should know that not every letter gets posted. I don't censor the bad ones, unless they're boring, and I probably leave out more of the supportive emails than I do the critical ones, but I don't know if the ones posted are an accurate representation of the ratio of good to bad or vice versa.
And I DO have some new material...not much, but some. d.b.


Date: 10/28/06   Subject: omg!!!
hi ded bob!!!! omg i fricken luv ur sho!!!! i have a question 4 u............ wut tree were u hung from?? were is it??? i shall go chop it down for you. ? I SHALL DIE!!!! i will give u life!!!!!!! bye bye i luv u ded bob
-greendayrox586

Bob sez:
Easy there, it wasn't the tree's fault...it was the queen. Apparently, goosing a queen is bad form in some circles. Lesson learned.
As for giving me life, I'd give you my children, but I've been shooting dust for centuries. d.b.


Date: 10/24/06   Subject: 10-22-06 12:30am TRF
Sweet Mary Oat Blossom here. Just sharing Photos!
KISSES!
-Faith

Bob sez:
MARY!!!!! Holy crap, you're yummmy!!
My dummy, smuj, has been drooling ever since he saw you. If it's alright with you, I have the pictures posted on the website. d.b.


Date: 10/24/06   Subject: I have found you a new dummy
Dear Ded Bob,
I saw your show on Saturday at teh TX ren. Faire for the first time. It was great. Anyways, I was looking at your site and noticed you are getting fed up with Smuj. I have two suggestions.
1) Take out the dicipline belt. Beat him.
2) My brother would make the perfect dummy. He's fat, hideous, and dumber than a pebble! Really, the wheel is spinning but the hamster is definantly dead. He's the perfect idiot to make into one of your dummies!
-Kyra

Bob sez:
Ha!!! Most big brothers are dummies. Thanks for the email. d.b.


Date: 10/23/06   Subject: I like your views
Bob, I am a bobzombie, and I love your show and come to see you every year. Keep up the good work. And as for your political views, I'm so glad there is SOMEBODY out there that gets what is really going on! I love you even more for introducing me to "The peoples history of the u.s." by Howard Zenn, and also for the link to thirdworldtraveler.com Thank you for "getting it" in American society, and more importantly, thank you for doing what you do.
-Brian Overby

Bob sez:
Thirdworldtravelor is amazing, eh? I've spent hours perusing that site. Thanks for the feedback, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my thinking. d.b.


Date: 10/22/06   Subject: ded bob show
Ded bob,
I saw you and nuj yesterday at King Richard's Faire. First time, but by far the funniest and best show I've seen there. I was really hoping that you were going to make this woman in the front row a bob zombie. She would not stop reading her program the entire time you were explaining the rules. I guess I could also have been made a bob zombie for watching her read the program and not paying complete attention. Well anyway, thank you very much for the great show and I hope to see you there next year. I am definitely buying the DVD and a t-shirt. You rock.
-Mike
P.S. Those dirtbags who stand in the back, leave early and don't tip should be given a lobobomy. whatever that is.

Bob sez:
I gave smuj a labobomy a long time ago...it improved his attitude, and oddly, his skin. d.b.


Date: 10/22/06   Subject: Saw Your Show
Saw your show at the Texas Renaissance Festival.
Not so much.
-Phillip Laird

Bob sez:
Thanks for the scintillating feedback. d.b.


Date: 10/09/06   Subject: Hey what?
Hey man. You are so funny. Yesterday at king richards fair i watched ur "sho" 2 times. the same dang thing 2 times just because its so funny! I love when You go up to some lady in the crowd and go " we still on for thursday?" . I was laughing so hard. And after the faire it was nice of u to take a picture with me. Thanks. Do you remember me? I was the kid in the benglas jersey. # 85.
So i was wondering if i could have your autograph? Like a signed picture of u and snuj. Snuj i respect u to. Even with that bag on your face. So ya if it isnt to much trouble I would really like ur autograph. It would be real cool. I know evrybody must ask you that but...... just asking. I mean its worth a shot right?
And by the way u walked right past me when you were picking zombies! You hate me. waaaah! Im just kidding ... i know you cant really pick kids for that play thing. Cause its like.... well for grown ups.
So if you can get me an autograph send it to me. if not i still like you. ( a little . heh) I have been bobmotized!
Thanx,
-Sean Davis

Bob sez:
Well thankee Sean.
That's the first feedback on my newest dummy, nuj. It's nice to hear that my dummification process is working as planned. See you at the faire, d.b.


Date: 10/09/06   Subject: Your Show
I am writing this to you even though I am certain you will not care about what I have to say. I simply feel like it should be said regardless.
I was at your show on Sunday with my family. I heard several people say that their kids really liked it so I took my 10 year old son. Even though you made the announcement at the beginning that the show was not appropriate for children, I couldn't tell if that was "part of the act" or not. Very soon into the show, we realized it definitely was not. We got up to leave and you began saying "Say bye to the dead beats." And then, "You suck!" Although your show, (even though I didn't find it the least bit funny) would not have offended my wife or me at all, and it was our fault for being there with our son in the first place, it thought it was WAY over the line (not to mention in very poor taste) to shout out "YOU SUCK!" to a 10 year old kid. After we were out he asked why you would say that to us. Even though I wanted to say to him, "Because he's an idiot," I tried to explain to him that it was just part of the act...etc.
I guess to some people, berating children passes as humor, but I am not one of them. Since your show was full, it appears there are plenty of people who enjoy tasteless humor that is neither clean nor clever, and having one person telling you this probably won't bother you in the slightest, but I felt like I could not leave it unsaid.
Regards,
-Joseph Pennington

Bob sez:
Joseph, I apologize.
My sense of humor was formed up north, where 'feigned abuse' is big-time funny. I understand that if the target of the humor isn't 'in' on the joke, it isn't funny. That's the fine line a humorist must tread, and I honestly apologize if you mis-took my remarks.
I've done that exact same bit dozens of times all over the country...although usually it's at the end when I ask for tips. That was the mistake I made last weekend... doing it in the beginning. As a result of your feedback, I've learned a lesson.
I'll understand if you don't come back without your son. The advice about not bringing children to the show is sincere. I don't think people should bring their children to my show, but then again, I think 90% of the people on the planet should be sterilized.
[kidding...sort of]
d.b.


Date: 10/07/06   Subject: what the hell up
I loved your show last year it was off the fucking hook I am coming back this year just to see your show. bye the wicked tink
-Derek Anderson

Bob sez:
Thanks Derek - the the tink of my blump I remort you. d.b.


Date: 10/06/06   Subject: i adore you
I know I'm a bob zombie when at the age of 18 I've seen Ded Bob 13 times, I can't wait for number 14, coming this weekend. I love your show the crude humor is effective and hilarious! Ded Bob i hope I'm a bob zombie forever!
sincerely your zombie,
-Channing

Bob sez:
Ahhhh....18....the sexiest word in the English language. d.b.


Date: 10/06/06   Subject: Hi
I am a huge fan of your work ded bob.When i saw you not to long ago i couldn't stop laughing. Your sooooooooo funny. your fan,
-kristen

Bob sez:
Well, apparently you stopped laughing long enough to write that e-mail...or maybe not. I suppose it's possible to type while your laughing. I'll do an experiment and get back to you. d.b.


Date: 10/03/06   Subject: hello from Mr.Puppet
Hey Smuj/Ded Bob
Howdy from Tex-ass!!
wanted to email you about using me in your show, I was the guy with the 60's cool shirt, the first show you did on saturday at the texas fair, I gave you my card, I am the ventriloquist,
anyway, looks like we both got our start in atlanta, that city rules!!
anyway, I now live in austin and can't wait to move back east,
wanted to say "Hey" and if you get a chance, help our a fellow atlanta brother and entertainer and put my website on your link and your photos and publicity will also be on my website too. check it out at www.mrpuppet.com
what does a pig say on a hot day??
I'm bacon
Peace,
-Bob Abdou/Mr.Puppet

Bob sez:
Hey Bob.
You were an excellent Ned. You may put that on your resume... unless you want to get more work. I'll pass your info on to my webguy. Unless he's on the road, he'll get it up on the link page soon.
d.b.


Date: 10/03/06   Subject: ded bob
Sorry hear that you are in a depression phase? but it was really nice to hear back from you so fast!! Now I understand that you didn?t do the show this weekend, right?? Or did you cause this guy that did it I forgot what his name was? will you be making any of the shows this year at the texas renaissance festival?
-christy

Bob sez:
my original dummy, smuj, will be at t.r.f. for the rest of the run.


Date: 10/02/06   Subject: King Richards Faire 2006
Bob I caught your show for the first time this year at KRF. Great show very entertaining. I noticed on your web site that you directed someone in 2004 to Walgreen's as the source of your puppet. Can you get it at Walgreen's or was this tongue in cheek humor.
-Ernie Rocha

Bob sez:
Cheeky indeed. d.b.


Date: 09/30/06   Subject: You *points at BOB*
You kissed my stomach So you rock and my friend said u had a websiote so i had to check it out. Thanks for an A mazing first time at REN is u catch my drift.
Sincerely,
-Your bare bellied Wench

Bob sez:
The female belly is oft overlooked as one of the best features of the fairer sex's anatomy. I simply could not resist the temptation to do yours justice and give it a smooch. Thanks for not calling the cops and having me arrested. d.b.


Date: 09/26/06   Subject: uber-splendiferous
hi there ded bob. I'm a big fan. U are uber-splendiferous to the max & insultorious! Have seen you...4 years in a row now, at the Michigan fair. Which is good when you consider I live in Ohio (yes, I just *now* found out there is a fair in Ohio- derr...) Think of all the gas money I'll save! No, I'm not a blond. (Natural, anyway.)
my then-boyfriend now-husband got me hooked on the fair when we were dating, and I've loved it ever since. And you are, of course, the star attraction (ranked 2nd: the washing well wenches)
i have not yet been bobmotized, but I have high hopes...perhaps I should consider wearing skimpier tops?
Saw you last weekend in fact....Sat. the 23rd, last show, the one that got rained out in the middle :( I was in the front row sitting next to the dopey executioner. Bummed out by the downpour. Wanted to buy another shirt, but couldn't because of the deluge. Good thing I found your site, now I can order crap this way. is the dvd a taped show, or something else??? gotta get it.
Thanks. Rock on.
-Rachel

Bob sez:
Rachel,
I'm afraid I only got as far as, "...skimpier tops." and I had to stop reading and let smuj have some 'personal' time.
.....................O.K. we're back now.
Yes, the dvd is a taped show recorded last year in Tejas. I'm hoping to have a video made from a composit of Michigan shows next year. I hope you're there to join in the fun. Til then, d.b.


Date: 09/25/06   Subject: Ded bob
Hey Ded bob!!! I just saw your show yesterday (9/24/06) for the 100th time, at least, HA HA!! Just loved it as always!!!! I always make sure, if I bring friends who have never been to the fair. They, HAVE TO SEE THE DED BOB SHOW!!!! I brought my Fiance' for his first visit to the Ded Bob show, I wasn't sure what he would think, but he also loved it!!! He laughed very hard!! I just wish we remembered the camera, but it was a last minute thing. We just love your sarcastic humor. It's GREAT!! Keep it up! I also purchased on of your tank tops. I was waiting for you to make one!! I am proudly wearing it! Also, if for some reason you feel like making a story line with a chick with no boobs. The "no boob" girls feel left out, HA HA. Take care and thanks for the laughs!!!!! Love ya,
-Janine (J9) and Jayson
P.S. LOVED YOUR WEB SITE!!!

Bob sez:
J9,
I'm just off the phone with J8 and we've agreed that your tendency towards hyperbole is clearly apparent in your recent correspondence. Really... "100 times"?
Let us assume that your exaggerated estimate is simply a result of your desire to assure me, in no uncertain terms, that my show meets your approval. If that be the case, then I thank you for your over-the-top 'attaboy', and wish you many happy attendances in the future.
Bless you and yours, d.b.


Date: 09/23/06   Subject: Picture for you
Ded Bob,
I can't wait to see you at ren fest this year in Texas. Maybe I'll let you get a twenty out of my cleavage this year... here's a picture for you.
Your Fan,
-Kallie A. Yaw

Bob sez:
Kallie, thanks for the pic. O, to be young again... You are exactly the kind of hottie that makes smuj crazy. I'd be happy to grab anything you wish from your cleavage...as long as it's fold-able. d.b.


Date: 09/23/06   Subject: show
Dear Bob-
We loved your show so much that we were glad it rained to make the rest of our pants wet! The only problem is our kids loved the Barney song so much that they now chant it while throwing darts at his picture saying they have been "BOBMOTIZED". So since they look up to u so much Bob & u don't have much to lose will u be the father of my children. Come on what do u have to lose? Maybe your head once in awhile! Thanks for all the laughs....
-Keri

Bob sez:
Keri,
Apparently, the weather gods are f'ng with us this year in Michigan. I have noticed that we've had exactly 6 PERFECT MONDAYS this year. I'm going with the conspiracy theory that right-wing evangelists have been seeding the clouds above the Flint area in order to thwart our pagan rituals. BASTARDS!!!!
It's only a theory. d.b.


Date: 09/18/06   Subject: My Dearest Little Ded Man
Is it true our wondrous outspoken ded man is going to be retiring after the 2006 season curtain call? I am referring to the statement by "little2bhitch" on 04/30/06, Under the Letters to the DEDitor. I certainly hope not, but you have a well deserved retirement ahead of you.
Warmest Regards and Best Wishes;
-Jenny

Bob sez:
Jenny,
There is always the chance that smuj will be driven away from the u.s. by the current trend towards neo-fascism.
Of course, there is always the chance that there will be nowhere to run as the u.s. seems bent on dominating the world with it's bottom-line, cut-throat-capitalist morality... er... make that non-morality.
Here's a way to know when and if smuj will split... when the u.s. invades Iran... I think he'll have no choice but to either leave or figure out some way to stop giving financial support, indirectly, by giving any more of his tax dollars to warmongers... I suppose he could do the festivals for tips only... ouch!
Sorry to be so political, but that is what will determine whether or not smuj remains in this country.
Till then, d.b.


Date: 09/18/06   Subject: Hey Bob!
My Lord Ded Bob,
I go to the Michigan Ren Fest and I heard that you might be sending an apprentice instead of traveling here. NOOOOO!!! Yes Bob, I know Smuj is dumber than moose poop, but...it's Smuj...
I'm finally 18 and so you better pick me to go up on stage! (Just kidding...kinda...)
best wishes, and lots of Colorado love!
-Lady Jennifer

Bob sez:
Jenny, be careful what you ask for... you may be ded meat. d.b.


Date: 09/18/06   Subject: Holly MI Renaissance Fest
Ded Bob,
I have been attending the Renaissance Festival in Holly, MI, for a great number of years. I even remember attending the last festival which was held before they moved to their present location.
I have been a Ded Bob fan for as long as I can remember. Every time I attend a festival, the first thing I do is to check the program to find out if you are performing, when and where. Whenever I hear of family, friends, or acquaintances planning to attend a festival I tell them that they must catch the Ded Bob show. For as long as I can remember, I thought your show was great and didn't mind sharing my enthusiasm with anyone willing to listen.
I haven't been at the festival for a number of years. An illness in the family (not me) required my complete attention. It was necessary for me to devote my time and resources to helping out as best I could and that meant missing a few seasons of the fest. But that time has passed.
I was at your 12 noon show yesterday (September 17, 2006) in Holly, MI. As a result, I will not be attending another show nor will I be recommending your show to anyone. The reason why is because I am opposed to your characterization of and comments regarding President George Bush and his administration.
You had a great show; you didn't need to debase it with cheap political potshots at the one president doing whatever he can to protect America from Islamic-fascists who would like to destroy America - to kill infidels and destroy the United States, the great Satan (in their minds).
You may not agree with the President and you have your freedom of speech guaranteed so that you may criticize him to your heart's content. But don't forget that your audience has freedoms too. I, for one, am free to avoid your performance. I am free to "not listen" to you. Including politics in your performance annoys me and I will not subject myself to it any longer.
So don't look for me in your audience anymore. I will not be visiting your website anymore. I will not be recommending your show to anyone. Pat yourself on the back for doing a great job of alienating a member of your audience.
Respectfully submitted,
-Max Effort

Bob sez:
Max,
Odd as it may seem, I agree that under normal circumstances, the festival is an inapropriate place for topical dissidence, but I believe these times to be extraordinary.
I think our government has been on the road to a kind of neo-fascism for decades.
It is common for those who engage in misdeeds to charge those they want the populous to hate with the traits they possess themselves...hence the increasing use of 'islamic fascists'... see George Orwell... 'newspeak'.
I am NOT suggesting that there are no islamic leaders who have fascist tendancies, but they are... make that were... not much of a threat until the U.S. began provoking them on an increasing basis since we backed an ill-advised coup way back in 1953:
http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB28/
My enemy is the military-industrial-complex [domestic and international] which thrives on armed conflict and spares no opportunity to create it whenever and wherever they can.
Had a look at Boeing, Halliburton etc. stock lately?
http://economistsview.typepad.com/economistsview/2006/02/who_profits_fro.html
A republican president Dwight Eisenhower gave us a grave warning in his farewell speech:
http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/ike.htm
I honestly believe that if you had access to better information, you would agree with me. Most americans have a heavily filtered notion of what drives U.S. foreign policy.
Wars are for profit.
The platitudes of 'spreading democracy' and 'fighting terrorism' are high-minded slogans to convince the masses of uninformed/misinformed citizens that what the military-industrial-profiteers are doing is righteous.
If you think it is all right for the U.S. to plunder other nations under the guise of "protecting american interests," then we are at an impasse. But I'll bet that you are a compassionate person, and likely have a similar moral compass as I believe I do. I could try and convince you that you're allegiance is misgiven, but I'd rather let someone else who is far more informed than myself tell you about our sordid history.
PLEASE do a little reading, and then, if you wish, I'd be happy to discuss this further.

First some background about the history of military intervention from another point of view... from those who were on the receiving end:
"The People's History of the United States" By Howard Zinn
Excerpts: http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Zinn/PeoplesHistory_Zinn.html
"America Right or Wrong" by Anatol Lieven
http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/American_Fundamentalism/America_Right_Wrong.html
And maybe some information about the Bush family... they are not so altruistic as they put on:
http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Kevin_Phillips/American_Dynasty.html
The Bushes have been in the arms business for a long long time. Prescott Bush was doing business with the Nazis DURING WWII... it took an act of Congress to get him to stop:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,12271,1312540,00.html
I hope you'll notice that all of these publications are from reliable sources. There are many books excerpted at the site above that contain a wealth of information that you will NEVER see in the commercial/corporate/mainstream 'news' media... or even P.B.S. for that matter.
P.B.S. and N.P.R. began taking money from Exxon as well as other corporate sponsors after Reagan dumped the 'fairness clause' which required the media to offer alternative opinions whenever an opinion was expressed on the public airways. The airways are no longer public... they belong to the highest bidder, A.K.A. corporate america.
Since the private sector always makes more money when they are left to consider ONLY the bottom line, we suffer the repercussions.... filtered information that leaves the private sector to it's own devices. There is a very good reason for public regulation of industry that effects the public.
The current regime [republican and democrat alike] have been selling out to private interests. If you were paying attention, I dissed hillary too... I'm a non-partisan dissident.
I'll shut up now, and hopefully we'll have more to talk about later.
Sincerely,
Clark Orwick, A.K.A. 'ded bob'


Date: 09/13/06   Subject: Bob, boobs, and boinks
Hey, d.b. I'm looking forward to you coming to the Texas Ren Fair in a couple of weeks. I never miss your show and its one of the highlights of the Fair. I'd have to say that getting a barrrrumski is a heavy enticement for going as much as possible, as well as the slim chance of being picked for a zombie. Hopefully this will be my year! You can't miss me, I'm a redhead with big boobs and a five dollar bill. Hopefully this picture will help, I'm on the right and that's Emily on the left.
-Christine

Bob sez:
I'll be performing with sluj, not smuj on the first weekend... you should come and support him anyway. You can always come back again later in the run.


Date: 09/13/06   Subject: BOBMERIZED!
Hey Ded Bob (and Smuj of course)
My name is Kelsey (fest character name Penn), I'm 18. and I've been catching your show almost evey year for a long time at the Colorado Ren Fest, and man, I must say. You ROCK MY SOCKS OFF! seriously. you're that amazing. This past summer, Some friends and I brought some Fest virgins with us, and took them to your show. They love you guys too, and wanted me to pass on the message. Keep on rockin' that mallet. It's hot.
best wishes, and lots of Colorado love!
-Kelsey B.

Bob sez:
Kelsey,
Let it be known, that neither Ded Bob, smuj, sluj, puj, nuj, nor anyone connected to the Ded Bob Sho nor it's affiliates accept responsibility for the loss of your..."SOCKS". Any attempt to hold us accountable for your lack of foot-prophylactic-retention will be met with a team of lawyers from the prestigeous firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe. That aside, thanks for coming to the Ded Bob Sho.
Sincerely, D.B.


Date: 09/12/06   Subject: Photo of friends with Ded Bob!
Hey Ded Bob!
Here is a photo of my friends with you at the Michigan Ren. Fair Sun, Sept. 10th. From left to right it is Diana, Anthony, Ricky and the pirate prostitute is me Bonnie. If your feeling generous maybe you can post it in your photo gallery. Thanks a bunch for being so entertaining!
-Bonnie Mount

Bob sez:
Bonnie, great shot!! I'll forward this to my webguy. d.b.


Date: 09/11/06   Subject: non-facist state? does that exist?
ded bob, when you find a non-facist state to live in let me know...I'm in!!!!
sincerely, your admiring fan....
-lynnette marshall

Bob sez:
I'm looking. As for contacting you when I do...I'm not terribly thorough...I'm afraid you're on your own...unless you happen to read something about my ex-patriotation on my website. d.b.

Lynnette replies:
Forgot to ask..we bought your DVD and Zelma said there were 2 shows on it..the one we got only has one..is it supposed to have 2?

Bob sez:
No, just the one. I'm hoping to put together something more ambitious next year...stay tuned. d.b.


Date: 09/06/06   Subject: Cry...baby.
Caught your show again (after more years than want to think about). I waited until the kiddies were old enough to see the show without akward questions or having them be afraid (I wanted to ENJOY the show!). Great show, my son and I laughed so much I think there were actual tears in our eyes. We have seen the DVD about 10 times since we got home Sunday night!!!! Can't wait for next year!!! Definately BOBMOTIZED in Michigan.
-mdreleozis

Bob sez:
So, I made you cry?!?!?! Ha! Take it and like it. d.b.


Date: 09/06/06   Subject: Tshirt suggestion
You might want to consider having a T-Shirt that reads:
"I am a Ded Bob Zombie" with an arrow pointing up.
-Mary Briehl

Bob sez:
Interesting suggestion. I'll mull it over with Velma... my t-shirt mogul. d.b.


Date: 09/06/06   Subject: Cry...baby.
Caught your show again (after more years than want to think about). I waited until the kiddies were old enough to see the show without akward questions or having them be afraid (I wanted to ENJOY the show!). Great show, my son and I laughed so much I think there were actual tears in our eyes. We have seen the DVD about 10 times since we got home Sunday night!!!! Can't wait for next year!!! Definately BOBMOTIZED in Michigan.
-mdreleozis

Bob sez:
So, I made you cry?!?!?! Ha! Take it and like it. d.b.


Date: 09/06/06   Subject: funny butt
Hello Ded Bob,
I seen your show for the feist time on saterday the 2nd of 2006 and i laughed my ass off and you called my sister in law on stage she was anna you called her cleavage and she played ( mary ) you said she was look at this guy nathan's butt that was too funny and i want to thank you for picking her and NOT ME !!!!!! ......LOL.... I really like your show and i will be back to see it oct 1st so please do not call me on stage ...lol...
Your Truly,
-Shaunna

Bob sez:
Shaunna, Don't think you're off the hook... there's always next time. d.b.


Date: 09/08/06   Subject: ded bob song
hi ded bob omg i love your show i just saw you at the Festival i espesially love the sing-alongs my favorite song is:
Ded Bob Zombies Sing This Song (doo-dah, doo-dah)
i love you ded bob if you wernt ded i would kiss you many many times well e-mail me back bobby bob bob
-Jessica

Bob sez:
Jess, Jessy, Jessica, Thanks for your fancy message and the atta-corpse support. You been bobmotized. d.b.


Date: 09/05/06   Subject: Hi You Rock
Hello Ded Bob
This is colin andersen(11) from Brighton MI and I was there at the renissance festivle in Detroit or Flint.....Whatever.I just wanted to say you rock.E-Mail me back if you can.
your friend
-Colin
P.S.Are you doing any shows in Tampa Florida?

Bob sez:
Colin, you roll! There are plans afoot for Tampa. I may be there with 'puj'...dummy #3. d.b.


Date: 09/02/06   Subject: Kinds of people
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't.
-Christopher Hawks

Bob sez:
Ha... I get it!!!! Thanks for that... I'll pass it on. db.


Date: 08/29/06   Subject: Nunya Bidnez
Hey Bob! (Hereís where you say: "Hey, What!" Or "So what!" as the mood strikes you.")
At least thatís what she said when I asked her: "Hey sweety, whatís your name?" She said "Nunya Bidnez" I thought it was a strange name for a gal who didnít look like a Nun, but there you have it; you canít tell a coffin by its cover.
Anyway, Is that urban myth true that says that you are related to French Royalty? Some guy told me that you got some Bonypart in you. Is Napoleon your uncle?
Caught your show on Saturday, August 26th. When it started I thought: "Jeez, just another stiff." I wasnít quite Bobmotized, but I warmed up to your act even if you didnít... Warm up, that is.
Seriously, It was a fun time for all of the group I was with. Some of the ladies didnít like all of the humor but you canít please all of the people all of the time. Hope to get out to Holly to see the act again. If not, weíll catch you next year. Keep up the good work.
Who said vaudeville was Ded? Oh, yeah, You did!
-Zack

Bob sez:
Why, thankee... zacharooni. See you next time... bring multitudinous yummy babes. d.b.


Date: 08/28/06   Subject: Oh dear God
Dearest Ded Bob,
So I was with my significant other at the Michigan Renaissance Festival this weekend, and he nearly had a heart attack when I told him that in the meager two years I'd been, I'd never seen the Ded Bob Sho. I was mercilessly taken to the stage at 3:00 and was sat down upon the bench. I've been to Second City in Toronto. I've been to the most liberal summer arts camp that the oldest boys dorm must dress in drag once. I have natural comedians for friends...
You just outdid just about everything I found funny up to that point.
Seriously, Ded Bob, you have magical moxie. You're witty, sarcastic, and probably the most flirtatious skeleton ever to be brought back from the dead. And my warm regards to Smuj. I plan on making several excursions to the festival again, and you better believe tha I will be the one to mercilessly drag others to your vaudeville. Your songs, your impressions, your Bobmotizing... what anyone would give to become your zombie... I'm severely infatuated with you right now. In a, "I am definitely going to go see your show again" way, mind you.
I wish I could give you a hug.
And by the way... my boyfriend and I visited you afterwards and you called him a hippie. As for me becoming yours in two years... you'll have to take that one up with him.
Don't you EVER stop your show, or I WILL gather up a bunch of Necromancers and send them your way...
Best wishes,
-Erin (and Nick would hopefully say the same! ... him being the other in the photo)

Bob sez:
Erin, how does one respond to such a resplendent stating of the obvious...how about, "Thank you very much." 'nuf said. d.b.


Date: 08/26/06   Subject: after 15 years
I just seen your show again on Sat 8/26/06 and after 15 years since the last time I seen your show your still funny as hell. Thanks for coming to Michigan.
-Brian Kelly

Bob sez:
Thank you for your years of support... you should be eligible for honorary zombie status... whatever that means. d.b.


Date: 08/21/06   Subject: Smuj's last year in Michigan
I was wondering when Smuj will be officially retired. Michigan will certainly miss him.
-Russell Anderson

Bob sez:
Hard to say...smuj is trying to find a non-fascist place to live. Until then, as long as he's living in the united states of hypocrisy, he'll likely be my dummy of choice at the michigan festival. d.b.


Date: 08/20/06   Subject: GL Med Faire
greetings Bob, I saw you the last weekend of GLMF and loved you! I wish I would've gotten there sooner, then I could have gone back for more. now it'll be another year. I miss you already and hope you're coming back. well, .... I wanted to tell you how brilliant you are and to keep everyone laughing. we talked for a minute after the sho and you said we would be good together......, I can only hope. I would love to hear from you if you have the time. sooooooo long!
-Deborah

Bob sez:
Deborah,
Yikes...I'm afraid there's not much chance I'll be back at Great Lakes...I'm pretty sure my new dummy burned some bridges...but, we'll see. Keep checking the website: www.dedbob.com for further info. d.b.


Date: 08/20/06   Subject: picture
Hey Bob,
Thought you might want to post this photo (you told us to send it to you) from left to right it's Emily, Allie, Maria (I'm the faery in the middle) and Shayna.
-Maria

Bob sez:
Maria, thanks for the great picture. I'll pass it on to my webguy. d.b.


Date: 08/16/06   Subject: A pic for ya, and goob urself! :P
Here ya go Ded Bob. Great show, and I thought I'd send a pic for your gallery. My daughters Nikki, Laura and Carly with very pale friend.
-Lewis

Bob sez:
Lewis, thanks for the picture. This one is definately getting posted. d.b.


Date: 08/09/06   Subject: Hey
Hi there, I went to a show at the Great Lakes Fair on Saturday Aug, 5th, 06. I was gimpy with a cast on my arm. Anyhow we went with my Dad a few years ago and he roared at your show. He was a huge fan of your show. He died a year ago and going and seeing your show made me feel close to him. It was cool. I am sending a photo of my husband Winfield, son Dylan and myself with you. You scared the hell out of my boy. It was kinda funny. The photo shows it all. Anyhow thanks for the good time. Even my serious husband laughed a lot.
-Mandy Sue

Bob sez:
Mandy,
Bless your pa, bless your hubby, bless your prodigy and bless you. I hope to see you next year... same bob time, same bob festival. d.b.


Date: 08/07/06   Subject: Awesome Addition to the Great Lakes Festival
Hey Ded Bob!
I just wanted to email you and tell you what an AWESOME addition you were to the Great Lakes Faire! Usually the only highlights there are Tortuga Twins, and Johnny Phoenix. But I pretty much have all their shows memorized by now. You had me BOBmitized the whole time and I throughly enjoyed the show! And if you are back next year, I certainly wont get pissed off if they raise the ticket prices! LOL
Have a great season
-Tina

Bob sez:
Tina, thanks muchly to you and yours. We're not sure yet whether we'll be back next year, but stay tuned to the website for all the bob news that's fit to know. d.b.


Date: 08/04/06   Subject: hey what
whats up bob just want to say cant wait to see ya here in hot ass az come next year and i love seeing you finaly made a video of your show now ya need to get in a studio and cut an album of your songs would love to bumb that in my system lol but realy man you would sell a lot of cd's if u made them just wanted to know if u will be doing any shows with fat lazy ass smuji at az next year and i have not caught your new zombies yet so cant say whether they r good or need to be sent to the singing exacusoners keep up the great fair makeing shows and mabe one day u can turn don waun and migale in to your zombies and then u would have 2 sword dueling crazy's peace out bob and dont for get to keep it hanging loose well nvm u dont have any tihng to hang any more lol
-Ricard Schuler

Bob sez:
two words: spell check. d.b.


Date: 08/01/06   Subject: Ded Bob Sho in Geneva Ohio, or someplace around there
Hey, I saw your show. I thought it was freaking awesome. At first I cought it at the sobriety test and watched until the end. When that was done, I told my friend "We are going to sit right up front and watch the whole dang thing at 3." So we did. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. When I come back from Wisconsin next year, or you go up there, I'll be sure to be in the front row again. -Ryan Maunus
P.S The Ded Bob Had a Dysfunctional Farm song was hard. And I wasn't even drinking.

Bob sez:
You better be there, or I'll.... I'll..... I'll..... Do something. d.b.


Date: 07/30/06   Subject: more than one ded bob?
We went to a fair in battle creek, Michigan.
The Ded Bob there wasnít you.
-Wm.Schanz

Bob sez:
Wm.
It was me, it just wasn't smuj. You saw me with my other dummy, sluj. I have four so far: smuj, sluj, puj, and the latest nuj [pronounced nudge] See 'nuj' at the Boston Festival [King Richards Faire] this Sept. d.b.


Date: 07/18/06   Subject: Colorado ren festival
Hey Ded Bob,
Just have to say your show is awesome....How anyone couldn't like the Ded Bob sho is mind boggling to me....It kicks ass...lol....keep up the evil work....and don't forget to cum back to Colorado.....Lates m8
-Jesse

Bob sez:
Jessica, as far as I know, all of the asses I have kicked deserved it. d.b.


Date: 07/29/06   Subject: silver leaf fair
Today I met a guy named DED BOB and really enjoyed the show. The last time I saw a show this funny was the ROCKY HORROR SHOW. Will be at the fair in Holly Mi and your show is a must see again.
-bruce campbell

Bob sez:
Bless you sir. I will see you in Holly with my original dummy, smuj. d.b.


Date: 07/24/06   Subject: colorado fair
hello! I saw you again and met one of your close friends at the colorado county fair I think her name is Lisa.when i get the camera developed i'll show the jack sparrow I was talking about last year.he works at the fair for god sakes! Anyways see you next year.....or in october...speaking do you remember the dumb redneck you picked on last october?
-Precious

Bob sez:
I picked dozens of rednecks... one cannot through a rock in this country now without hitting a dumb redneck. america is an SUV full of uninformed, fat, consumer-monkeys who hate anyone outside our borders. I'm hoping to leave a.s.a.p.
d.b.


Date: 07/18/06   Subject: Fifi Wants You!
Dear Ded Bob ( slug too, I guess)
Please tell me you're coming to the Mich Ren Fest this year. The only time I get to come ( Over and Over Again!) is when you come.
Sincerely,
-Melody

Bob sez:
I'm coming to the Michigan Renaissance Festival this year. d.b.


Date: 07/16/06   Subject: i love ded bob
Hey Bob--I saw you at the CO Ren Fest today for the, oh, I don't know--4th time, maybe? We make sure to see you every year--you're the best thing there. Did you have a different dummy there last year? He had skinny legs. Anyway, wish you would stick around for a few minutes after the show--I wanted a kiss upon my dainty cheek! Last year, you got a peek down my shirt so you owe me one!
-Erin

Bob sez:
Erin,
Yes, I did have a different dummy last year...skinny legs and all. >Coincidentally, his real name is Erin. Not sure if bob will be back next year or not. Keep checking the website for schedule updates. d.b.


Date: 06/15/06   Subject: Some sample lines for you to try
Dear Ded Bob:
Hello! You won't remember -- but I met you today, July 15, 2006. I was the blonde in the white tanktop who wouldn't say "boner." If I had a quicker wit, I would have said, "I'll say boner if you'll say Blondes Rule." But, alas, I only think of these things later, which is why I'm a writer.
I have been writing weekly newspaper columns for 13 years, as well as articles, speeches, etc. I have written for comedians before, when the opportunity presented itself. Below are some initial ideas for you and Smuj to toss around, chew over, run through the ol' bones and see what you think. If you are interested in seeing more, I'd love to send some and possibly come to an arrangement to do more. I will read your website, to get a better feel for your on-stage character.
If you wish, you are welcome to tell me some scenarios you would like to see lines for -- and I will be glad to work on the topics you prefer.
"Oh, don't look so shocked. That can't be the first time a guy lost his head and kissed your bottom."
"What do you know? I lost my head again. A hot day, a lot of pushup bras, no ligaments, these things happen."
"The only guy who loses his head more than me is the poor schmuck who has to tell Dick Cheney it's time for another stress test."
"You didn't like that one? Yes you did. I feel it in my bones."

Thanks,
-Tammy Hansen Snell

Bob sez:
Tammy, Thanks for the input. I'm not so great at adding new material, but I appreciate your contribution. If it's alright with you, I'll post your letter on my website and maybe you'll get another comedian with more ambition. See you next time, d.b.


Date: 06/05/06   Subject: An Awsome Movie Devoted to the Greatest Bag of Bones Iv'e Ever Known!!!!!
Hey, whats up DB?????
Hows it hangin!!! ... Well I guess its not ... Anyway hope you like the video and feel inclined to put it on your "Killer" site:)!!! Also... I Love the show and everything but... I think you should change it up now. I come by at the Texas Ren Fest and I must say i have walked away before because I've basically memorized the act. Ok well, I hope you like the movie and hope to see you this year at the Tex Ren Fest!!!!
Forever Bobmotized,
-Brian Goodheart

Bob sez:
Brian, Thanks for your letter.
As for changing the show... this is vaudeville... the show doesn't change so much as it evolves. Of course, that's the lazy man's excuse for not wanting to work on new material. The songs change, and the opening bit changes from time to time, but if you're looking for a new story, or a new ending, I'm afraid you're going to be dissapointed. Sorry, d.b.


Date: 06/05/06   Subject: You are in this book!
Yo, Bob,
I recently finished a (very rough first) draft of a novel. It's a fantasy involving love found and lost and lost again at a Renaissance festival, while a war is brewing between the mob and the courts of faery.
Anyway, Ded Bob has two (very brief) cameos. Is that cool? Or should they be among the 20,000 words I have to cut before by deadline at the end of the month? (I'm a zombie, so I'd love to keep 'em, but I am delighted to either remove the references, or change them to Ded Larry or something. Your call. I've attached the file, in case you want to do a key word search and find the scenes.
Thanks either way!
-John

Bob sez:
Go for it... you have my blessing, d.b.


Date: 06/03/06   Subject: Thank you
Greetings Ded Bob! I'm sending you the photo we took today to add to your collection and I wanted to thank you for the great show. I'm physically disabled and unable to get out and do much, or move around a lot without pain. The Deb Bob show was the only thing I was really able to enjoy the whole day. I can't tell you how much I appreciated just being able to have a good time and feel normal and healthy for once. Thank you for making my life a little brighter.
Love,
-Grima (Offically been bob-zombied twice!)
PS - Keep up the great political commentary. If we don't speak up about it, how will the ignorant masses ever get the clue?

Bob sez:
Grima, Thank you for your letter. For some reason, the picture didn't make it. I'm having trouble getting on-line with my laptop, so I'm answering my mail with a coffee shop pooter. Apparently, it blocks attachments, so I may not be able to post your picture till I get home in October. Till Then, BONK!!!! D.B.


Date: 05/30/06   Subject: Great show at Scarborough Texas
Bob, your show was great. I enjoyed your adult humor. First time for myself to both Scarborough and your show. You really made mine and my friends day when you picked my girlfriend, Erin, as your zombie number 1 "Marry Ann". Bob-mo-tized her. Man that was great. Fun times thank you!
-Daniel Bedinger

Bob sez:
My pleasure, Dan-o. I'm particularly pleased to hear this in reference to my newest dummy, puj. He's coming along quite nicely I'd say, and your comment is welcome feedback. See you next year. d.b.


Date: 05/30/06   Subject: Slim dummy answer
Aha!
I found the answer on your site under news. Two new dummies! Never mind.
-Gary and Karen

Bob sez:
Soon, my dummy/zombie army vill roool da vorld!!!! d.b.


Date: 05/29/06   Subject: I was a Bobzombie!! :)
Hey Ded Bob!
Just wanted to say I had a BLAST on the stage with you on Sat. Little did I know that you were a previous womanizer and THAT is why you were so infatuated with my BREASTS! Hope to see you next year! Keep the spirit alive..I mean...well you know figuratively speaking! ;)
-Cassie

Bob sez:
Ha, shows how much YOU know. It's not your breasts that fascinate me, it's your scapula. d.b.


Date: 05/16/06   Subject: Ded Bob Show
Dearest Bob, ( & smuj)
My family and I visited the faire this past Saturday and had a pretty good time. We stopped to watch the Ded Bob Show. As luck would have it, I was picked (or should I say picked on) to be Ned, zombie #2. As much as I dreaded it, it became the highlight of my day. The kids are still giving me crap about it. Thanks, and we'll see ya next year.
Your loyal zombie #2
- 2-kays

Bob sez:
Number two,
Now that you've been chosen, you'll need to begin your formal training. Keep checking your email for specific instructions. These will pertain to the process of putting together your indoctrination kit and directions to the nearest zombie conformation facility for restructuring. In about three or four days, your family and friends will begin to ask questions, about the change in your behavior and eventually, your appearance. Tell them you're studying French.
More to come, d.b.


Date: 05/04/06   Subject: Waxahachie, TX
Hey, Ded Bob,
Looking forward to seeing you at the Renaissance Festival this coming weekend in Waxahachie, TX. I loved your show in Apache Junction, AZ in March. I was out there visiting my daughter and we were there again back in March 2004. Keep up the good work, your have a great show. Thanks for all the laughs.
A great fan,
-Leslie

Bob sez:
Keep in mind, I'm using a different dummy in Waxahachie...he's.....uh....calmer. d.b.


Date: 04/22/06   Subject: yo, wat up my homie G???
Hey Bob. I have always been a fan of yours, thanks to my dad. I've honestly been going to ren fest mainly to see you. You have always made me laugh, no matter what mood I was in. Last year, I became a zombie and joined your little army of the "ded" or "unded". I figured out what a nut I was when I actually took the time to learn one of your songs the other day. Or maybe I was just that bored. I'm trying to convice my boyfriend to go with me this next year, because he has no idea who you are and I think he needs to. I know that he liked the lyrics to the songs, but that is all he knows. What should I say to convince him to go?
-Marzi

Bob sez:
Marzi,
"What should I say to convince him to go?" That depends... how old are you? If you're over 18, I have several suggestions. If not, tell him you'll stab him in the ass with a fork if he doesn't go. d.b.


Date: 04/17/06   Subject: Ded Bob photos
Hey-
I've posted 84 photos from shows at the opening weekend of the GA Ren Fest. Hope you like them and I'll get some more the when I'm back down there this year.

http://www.chiptalbert.com/photoalbum/gallery.asp?categoryid=689

Best,
-Chip

Bob sez:
Thanks, Chip. And good like with those 'art photo' charges - I'm sure they'll all be dropped... d.b.


Date: 04/03/06   Subject: i have a question
hey ded bob.
i have a question... me and my teacher was wondering if you would be willing to come to our school for one of your last shows... since you will be retiring... nobody will get to see the original ded bob anymore.... of course.. we are willing to pay.. but we were wondering if you would if it was fine with the district.. please write back asap please
-little2bhitch

Bob sez:
I think I can be all but certain that your school board wouldn't let me within 20 miles of your school... I'm subversive. However, I'll leave you with this:
Don't believe anyone in a position of authority... they all lie habitually. Your government lies, your parents lie, your teachers lie, and above all, your religion lies.
"People shouldn't fear their government - government should fear it's people." d.b.

little2bhitch replies
i have another question... how much money would you be charging if oyu did come to the school?

Bob sez:
Apparently, you aren't getting the message here.
Even if your school would allow me to come, I wouldn't do a show. I think anyone who allows their children to attend my show deserves to lose custody. d.b.


Date: 03/27/06   Subject: Michigan Ren
Will you be at the Michigan Ren fair this year again? it was really cool last year ( you called my dad up to be ned once).
-Your fan, Alex

Bob sez:
I think so... haven't got a contract yet... send them a letter. d.b.


Date: 03/26/06   Subject: yo, Bob
you've already recieved and E-mail from my friend jamie saying we LOVED your show your accually one of my influences in my Comedy (im not professional) but around my friends and they usually always laugh and I just wanted to thank you, please mail me back
-Harley Reagan

Bob sez:
Harley Reagan... Any relation to the ignoramous president we had a few decades ago?
He's the doofus that started the country on its latest economic, political and military trainwreck.
It's not your fault...one cannot choose their relatives.
It started with the elimination of the "fairness doctrine"... here's your homework assignment:
Google "fairness doctrine" "reagan" and read what you get. Then, do a report on it for your homeroom teacher for extra credit. In any case, keep coming to the show and reading my Email Feedback page for brilliant insights on today's existence.
d.b.


Date: 03/25/06   Subject: you ROCK!!!!
Dear DedBob,
My friend and I went to the festival last year, and we LOVED your show. please mail me back,
-jamie

Bob sez:
So, why aren't you here now, you schmuck? d.b.


Date: 03/22/06   Subject: The Tortuga Twits
I was at the Apache Junction Rennassiance Festival last weekend, and decided to see your funny show. Man was it funny. Even though it was so funny I could say more than it was funny, I'm in that traditional letter writing mood, so it's out of the freaking question for me to be anymore articulate.
Ahem.
But yes. Saw the show and then letter in the day saw the... Tortuga 'Twits' show and had a few thoughts...
They can't do comedy. They should leave it to the pros... Yup.
The pros being:
Ded Bob
Ded Bob
Ded Bob
And Sluj (when he's drunk on a good day)
Just thought I'd mention that you don't have anything to fear. No competition. They just plain suck. Yup...
Keep up the good work.
-Phillip Brenfleck

Bob sez:
Clearly you are a person with superior skills of observation and discernment. Bless you and the conveyance you rode in on. See you next time... and next time... let's leave the three stooges off of the agenda, eh? d.b.


Date: 03/08/06   Subject: In Arizona??
Hey there!!
Heard a rumor that you're going to be at the Arizona Renaissance Festival performing on the last weekend, April 1 & 2. Is it real.. or one of those urban myth things. We would love to see "Classic Bob" as opposed to the "New Bob" we saw last year. That was a lame Coca-Cola reference, by the way.
Hoping the rumor is true because we miss you!!
-Pat

Bob sez:
Yes, I'll be there...with smuj on the last weekend. sluj doesn't like it much, but he's just a dummy...what's he gonna do...kill me? d.b.


Date: 03/08/06   Subject: In Arizona??
Hey there!!
Heard a rumor that you're going to be at the Arizona Renaissance Festival performing on the last weekend, April 1 & 2. Is it real.. or one of those urban myth things. We would love to see "Classic Bob" as opposed to the "New Bob" we saw last year. That was a lame Coca-Cola reference, by the way.
Hoping the rumor is true because we miss you!!
-Pat

Bob sez:
Yes, I'll be there...with smuj on the last weekend. sluj doesn't like it much, but he's just a dummy...what's he gonna do...kill me? d.b.


Date: 03/05/06   Subject: Your the best
MR. BOB,
Gotta say...your the best!! I absolutely LOVE coming to watch you at the AZ festival!! This year you were at an all time HIGH!! Some of the stuff you get away with saying is priceless!! I love how you rip on peoples "ankle biters" !
Thanks for making me laugh my head off !! (although not quite as "off" as yours)
-JC, Arizona!!

Bob sez:
JC, you're not an ankle biter trying to get me to admit to what you think you heard me say so you can sue me.....are you? d.b.


Date: 03/02/06   Subject: Love that Renaissance!
Hello Bob,
I was at the Phoenix Renaissance Festival on Saturday, the 18th and caught your show, along with my sister and four other friends, all from out of town. We really had a great laugh and loved the show. While I was doing a scrapbook for each of us girls, I came upon your website address and took a peek. What a great website! The last time I was at the festival, in 1997, I got my picture taken with you and thought maybe you might like to have it.
-Best regards, Pamela Spinks

Bob sez:
Pamela,
Holy crap! You are a stone cold HOTTIE!!! Wanna have sex with a dummy? d.b.


Date: 02/25/06   Subject: Yer show in AZ
Am disabled so don't get out much, but my friend took me to the fair in AZ, and had a ball sitting the watching ppl go by. I basically set up by the boat stage and saw a lot of yer shows, and I don't usually send email's to ppl but after laughing so hard at yer show and going through a whole bottle of air so I could keep laughing I had to send a letter saying, I loved ur show and if I can get out next time will see it again. Thanks again for the laughs, and have a good one...
-Rametlh

Bob sez:
Glad you had a good time. But disabled? I'm dead! d.b.


Date: 02/11/06   Subject: AZ ren festival
Are ya planning on coming to the AZ ren festival? I saw the comment about the TX one....
-Sarah Golabiewski

Bob sez:
I'll be there with sluj.. the skinny blond dummy with the huge... I'll be there. d.b.


Date: 02/09/06   Subject: DED BOB ALL GONE?
HEARD A RUMOR YOU LAUGHED LIKE A LOON AT THE CONTRACT GEORGE GAVE YOU FOR TRF AND YOU WON'T BE BACK NEXT SEASON. WHAT I'M READING IN YOUR BREAKING NEWS SECTION SEEMS TO SUPPORT THIS. IF IT'S TRUE, WE'RE ALL GOING TO MISS YOU, DUDE. THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES.
-THE CUNNING LINGUIST, charles sadler

Bob sez:
I slapped him around a bit, and he finally came around and saw the light. I'll be back. d.b.


Date: 02/09/06   Subject: you the man, or whatever
Bob, I live in Arkansas and travel 8 hours to the Texas Ren Fest and I must say it's to see your sexy ass....there is just something about the rumor of the 10 bone you once had.....anyway I started going to the Tex. Ren Fest several years ago when I lived in East Texas and it was only a 3 hour drive, needless to say I am an addicted Ded Bob Zombie...keep me laughing with your perverted since of humor....I always leave your show horney as hell....like I said don't know if it's the rumor of the 10 bone or just someone else is as perverted as me!!! Keep em laughing.
-Tina Isaacks

Bob sez:
Tina...when I get a boner...it's from head to toe. d.b.


Date: 01/20/06   Subject: Looking forward to February/March
Hello, Bob
I missed last year's AZ RenFaire, due to reasons I'll not mention here. Looks like I'll be there this year though. I look forward to laughing both with and at you. As a former (but not typical) member of the U.S. Marine Corps, I still invite you to set aside your politics and put a smile on the faces of those who are defending your right to express your opinion, regardless of what it is. In any case, I'll see you soon.
Signed,
-Your Favorite Sergeant, Warren

P.S. Tell Smuj to either get a tan or wear a longer dress. His legs reflect enough light to blind someone.

Bob sez:
You'll be in for a surprise, I'll be using a new dummy. He's skinny, even whiter than smuj, and his voice would cut glass. So, be prepared.
Oh, and by the way, you're not defending my right to speak, you're making the middle east safe for Wall Street plundering:
http://www.corpwatch.org/article.php?id=6008
But don't worry, I've ordered all of my dummies that if they want to rage about current events, the have to be funny first and the message comes second. d.b.


Date: 01/14/06   Subject: Thoughts on mortality
To the immortal Ded Bob: Thank you for your show, it has brought many happy memories to my family and myself. The gang and I see you in Michigan, where fortunately, you have not replaced the smelly, but loyal, smuj. I loathe change, but am willing to trust you in the complete and total training of your future zombies and look forward to heckling them.
Bestowing thanks aside; where do all these idiots come from that write to you? My nime is, rox my purple sox, what would happen if you bobmitized yourself? I mean, don't they have some kind of special school (skool) homework to occupy themselves from writing to a dead guy? Excuse me while I take my medication.
Merry part, and merry meet again,
-Mel

Bob sez:
"What would happen if you bonked yourself?"
The space/time continuum would implode into a black hole the size of the space between g.w.'s ears... life would become death, death would become light and smuj would become the world's sexiest man. d.b.


Date: 01/08/06   Subject: Hey, Ded Bob!
Thanks for posting the picture of you EATING MY BABY! I've turned you into a scrapbook page:

http://www.scrapbook.com/scrapbook_layouts/showphoto.php/photo/147443/cat/6493
http://www.scrapbook.com/scrapbook_layouts/showphoto.php/photo/147444/cat/6493

-Dawn L. Stevenson

Bob sez:
Dawn, I LOVE THIS!!!! d.b.


Date: 01/08/06   Subject: idiot from houston/magnolia
hey bob! i'm the dork who raised my left hand to say your oath. i sat in the front with the girl with long red hair. you told her to say "jail bait" in your picture. your barney song was great! i hope to see you next time 'round!
-Sarah Gamblin

Bob sez:
Hey, dork. d.b.


Date: 01/05/06   Subject: Back to the bowels of the desert...
Almighty Ded Bob,
About a month from now Iíll be drinking my cares (and whatís left of my liver) away at the AZ Ren Fest! It will be great to see you again! I canít wait to see your show with that skinny bastage, Sluj. That burlap covered Slim Jim is damn funny!!! Iíd say he can make almost anyone laugh! So Iím going to try to bring a friend of mine to the show. She says sheís a compassionate conservative. I asked her what that meant. She said this:
Compassionate: she recognizes that there is sick, poor and hungry in this world.
Conservative: she doesnít care.
Hey, if you get bored backstage, tell Sluj to take you for a walk out in front before cannon. I know youíve told Smuj to do that for you a couple of times and, as I recall, you got your long bone stroked by some little hottie. If that doesnít work out Iíll fetch you up a couple of busty wenches. But ask Sluj to take a bath before hand, would you? Last time I stood next to him he smelled like tomato puree! Man that stuff really lingers.
Your humble servant,
-The Merchant, Joseph A. Ramirez

Bob sez:
Be careful what you say about sluj. Smuj was pretty much impervious to ridicule or insults, but sluj is kinda feisty...he can snap sometimes with very little provacation. I once saw him take out an old granny for farting during his hat pass. d.b.

Joseph replies:
The old bag deserved it! Sluj knows I think he's the greatest! I just like to refer to his "past life" when I speak of him


Date: 01/05/06   Subject: Excellent Show (Not a Gag Email)
Hey All who hail behind the cloth,
I had the ultimate pleasure of seeing this show for the first time this year (2005) in Houston, TX (two times to be exact that day). Although I have been to that faire many years ago. Being an Actor/Comedian myself who loves sketch comedy like that I would like to let you know that it was an excellent show all around. I mean such as the writing was wonderful, seemed fresh and new even though it was scripted, the comedic timing and the small things that were improv'd made the show that much better watch. I read the bio on how Bob came about and I think you have definetly fallen into something unique and great. I would love to find something like that to be a part of. On another note I am also an aspiring actor and director of sorts, while building my equipment I am thinking of starting some independant films and I would personally love to write a period piece with Ded Bob and friends being part of that show. However this is not an email trying to get you to come work for me, I just thought of that recently and how perfect it would fit into a film such as Robin Hood: Men in Tights-style period comedy. So excellent job everyone involved and keep doing what you're doing because everyone's talent shows through in every show.
Sincerely,
-Eric Davis

Bob sez:
Eric, thanks for your message. I'm flattered, though I deserve it.
Truth is, if we lived in a smarter world, I would have much rather done something important with my life. I was actually hoping to become a entomologist.
I wish you well in your endeavors and I'll give you this advice... don't trust anyone you don't know personally, especially yourself. Sincerely, bob's dummy


Wanna email Ded Bob? He'll get back to you as soon as humanly possible. If you're lucky, maybe even sooner.

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