Letters from 2007

Date: 12/05/07   Subject: Any relation??
Hey Bob, is this guy any relation to you?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ded_MorozM

-Dennis

Bob sez:
No...just some bozo trying to horn in on my fabulousness. d.b.


Date: 12/03/07   Subject: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Bob
hey i go to the show every year and every time it gets funnier so keep up the great work :)
-bg4340@yahoo.com

Bob sez:
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw. d.b.


Date: 11/29/07   Subject: HI DED BOB!
My name is Jen and I am 18 years old. About 2 weekends ago I went to your show and absolutely loved it! My dad had told me about the show since I was a little girl but refused to let me see it until I was old enough to comprehend it. Haha I have to say you've got one of the GREATEST acts ever! I'm not going to lie, a part of me wanted to break the rules just so I could be picked as a zombie. Hopefully one year if you're not too busy, I can score a picture with you...and just maybe a kiss on the cheek. Haha. I just wanted to tell you that you did a fantastic job and I'm very impressed. It's hard getting me to laugh uncontrollably but somehow you managed to achieve it. Thanks so much for making my day, and I plan to come visit T.R.F. each year just to see your show. Keep up the good work!
Write me back if you can, because you're just too awesome!
Your favorite zombie,
-Jen

Bob sez:
Jennifer, my name is Bob, and I am 1006 years old. As you are now 18, you have reached the age of consent, and are now eligible to become an official Bob Zombie. Just say the word...or type the word...and your indoctrination can begin. As a zombie, you will be issued a number and eventually an assignment when my zombie army takes over the world.
Till then, d.b.

Jennifer replies:
Haha sorry Bob, and might I say you look very good for your age. I hope I'm not bothering you or anything, you're just hilarious! Please tell me if I am bothering you because I'd feel so guilty =). I'd love to be a zombie, and I will await your instruction, haha. Please don't stop doing T.R.F. because you're just too witty not to, and plus I want to see you next year. It'll really upset me if I don't get to take a picture with you. Oh, and say hi to Smuj for me!
-Jen

Bob sez:
Jennifer,
I would love to perform at T.R.F. again, however I am expecting that neo-fascists within the u.s. government are planning another 'terrorist attack' in order to establish martial law.
I am predicting this will happen not long before the 2008 election.
This will result in fuel rationing and other limits to travel, and life in the u.s. will be very different than it is now. I HOPE I AM WRONG, but the scum-bags who are currently running the show have proven over and over again that they are willing to lie, cheat and kill for their control-freak policies. Sorry to get so serious, but this is how the Nazis started. It's time everybody wakes up and smells the fascism. Here's a website you can check out for more details of the coming police state:

http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/

d.b.


Date: 11/28/07   Subject: Hey what
Hey Bob,
It was again a pleasure seeing you and smuj at work again at the Texas Renfest on Friday November 23rd. I always enjoy your show but I must say that I felt that your ranting about the president, no matter how disliked he may be, detracted from the overall quality of work that I have seen from you in the past. I go to the renaissance festival to leave the real world, if only for a couple of hours. I look forward to seeing you deviants again next year.
Your top ten was hilarious, of course.
-Bill

Bob sez:
Bill, I don't like bringing current politics into a renfaire setting either, but in an insane world, insanity is a legitimate response. Next year, I'll throw in some insults for the spineless democraps too. d.b.


Date: 11/25/07   Subject: Hey from Carolina!
Hey Bob!
I've got a little story for you. A few years ago, after much begging and pleading on my part, me and my mom happened to be walking around the Carolina Renaissance Festival. I'd managed to drag her all the way to the very back of the faire site, and we happened to walk past the tiniest little stage back there, where some guy with a skeleton dummy (forgive my mistake) was in the middle of a show. We stopped for a second to listen, and I don't remember exactly what happened to be said on stage right then, but whatever it was, it was apparently enough for my mom to decide that we'd better be heading back towards the front of the faire.
Fast forward to this year, and myself and a very good friend of mine were luckily enough to be cast as part of the CRF street cast, alternating between interacting with patrons on the street on Saturdays, and working as stagehands for the acts at one of the main stages on Sundays. One of said acts happened to be the Ded Bob Sho. Now, neither I nor my friend had ever managed to see the Sho before, aside from my little glimpse of it a few years ago (blasphemy, right?), but we'd heard a lot about it, and were looking forward to seeing the first show.
We *definitely* weren't disappointed. Honestly, I think there are very, *very* few things that have made me laugh so hard as my very first time seeing the Sho. My friend and I were very nearly in tears from laughing so hard at a few points. And I think it says something else that, despite seeing the Sho four times a day at least once a week, it *never* got old, even at the very end. sluj (and you, of course), did a kickass job of always managing to keep it entertaining, and sometimes a lil' bit insane (never will I forget the day when Fifi was a bit shorter and considerably younger than usual. Gotta love the 4:20 Sho, man.).
I know I can honestly say that getting to see and work around the Sho all season, as well as being able to hang around you and sluj so much, definitely helped make my first experience working at RenFest as completely *amazing* as it was. So thanks for making such an incredible show, that's honestly one of the absolute best I've seen. I think more people could learn to take the sticks out of their asses and laugh a bit more, as well as be a bit more knowledgeable about what's going on in the world around them, and your Sho definitely helps encourage people to do that, I think. So thanks again.
And thanks to sluj for yanking me and my pal up for the very last show. That was *definitely* an experience to remember. And make sure you keep sluj around for a while. Despite his being a dummy, he's certainly one of the smartest and sweetest folks I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and me and my buddy are already looking forward to being his stagehands once again next year. Because like hell we're letting anyone else steal the two of you away. We aren't the newly-formed Official Ded Bob Groupies of CRF for nothing. ;D
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on rocking while you're doing it.
Loyal fan, groupie, and Bob zombie for life,
-Annabelle
P.S. I've attached a few pictures from the shows throughout the season, plus a few of the *amazing* Little Ded Bob and Fuj who showed up a few times (sorry if they're a bit big, file size-wise. Any smaller and the quality got kinda crappy). I'm a bit confused as to how both a lil' Ded Bob *and* a lil' dummy could come into existence at the same time, but I suppose there are a few things in life one just doesn't question for the sake of their own sanity.
P.P.S. Thanks for all the links on the Smart Bombs page, too. As a current high school senior who's looking forward to being out on her own in the world in a couple of months, I totally appreciate the people like you who make it easier to know what actually *is* happening in the world. We could use a few more people like you around(or, a lot, really). Take care and best wishes with everything.

Bob sez:
Thanks, Annabelle. Stay in school, and spread the word (about the government - don't tell anyone about me.) d.b.


Date: 11/25/07   Subject: Ded Bob for Prez!
luv ya smuj. all those poser smujs can all go to hell. origonals forever. loved you show. tell bob i say hi too. when bob is elected are you going to be his vice pres?
-Lara

Bob sez:
For 'vice' president I was thinking maybe Heidi Fleiss. d.b.


Date: 11/24/07   Subject: hey
hey i love your show only one problem i am a little mad you never go to the back of the audience to pick ppl. i mean not me i am only 12 but my mom's boyfreind's nephew is old enough to get picked i go to the Holly Michigan. so plz remeber to go towards the back
love
-Maddie

Bob sez:
Maybe you should just get there earlier and get a decent seat, miss maddie-smarty-face. d.b.


Date: 11/24/07   Subject: Newly Bob-mo-tized!
HEY DED BOB! ... and Smuj (as well as Sluj, Puj and Nuj),
I just saw your show (and a renaissance fair) for the first time at Tex Ren Fest yesterday (Friday, Nov. 23, 2007). I'd never heard about you, but saw a sign inside the entryway advertising Ded Bob and thought "that sounds interesting." Then as I wandered around, trailing my girlfriend from this candle shop to that crystal store, it occured to me that my day might end up being less interesting than I initially thought. Other than eating some good food, and hearing some bagpipe band play a little Black Sabbath, it was turning into one long blur of shopping. Thank goodness for the hot spiced mead!
But then, I kept hearing people I passed mention your name. At one point, a family passed us and the dad said, "Now, don't forget, we have to see Ded Bob in an hour." I thought about that, looked at my phone to mark the time, and asked my girlfriend if we could take a break from shopping in an hour to see a show. She said yes, so I checked the program and skillfully guided our shopping route to arrive at your stage 15 minutes before showtime, and grabbed a couple of good seats.
I enjoyed the show thoroughly. I understand what you were saying about the Globe stage being better for your performance, but I took a lot of pictures and even when Smuj turned around, you still looked cool as far as I am concerned. I was very impressed by the huge turnout, by the number of people who clearly come back year after year, and by the absolute power you have to mesmerize an audience into doing your every whim. And I laughed so hard my sides hurt!
So I'm definitely Bob-mo-tized, as is my girlfriend. When I got home, one of the first things I did was look you up on YouTube, and heard you talking in a "higher, more energetic" voice. That threw me for a bit. Found some more clips with the right voice, and felt better. Then found your page, read the history and began to understand Smuj's desire to semi-retire.
So I will say this. I hope Smuj doesn't ever fully retire, as it's few things you can do in this life that make people genuinely happy. I'm also pleased to say that I can see Sluj is getting better, and will gladly attend a show where he appears with you any time. And I wish Puj and Nuj much success in their efforts to support the great Ded Bob.
I know this is a long email, and I don't expect you to post all of it on your site (or any if you don't want to - totally up to you.) But I did want you to know that:
1) I was totally entertained by you and you saved my day.
2) I will be back anytime I see Ded Bob on a program for anything ... even if it's a high school pep rally. and
3) I hope we are all lucky enough to continue to enjoy Ded Bob shows for many years to come.
Sincerely,
-Blane in Houston
P.S. I'll have to introduce you to my girlfriend next time. I'm really sure that she secretly wants to get bonked!

Bob sez:
Blane, now that you've been bobmotized, and have pledged your fealty, I can issue you your zombie number: 4772898. Your duties for overthrowing the capitalist pig neo-fascists and turning the planet into a fantasy theme park will be forwarded at an appropriate time. Your instructions will be specific and coordinated with your particular skill-set. If you fail, you'll ruin everything, so bone-up, and be flawless. d.b.


Date: 11/20/07   Subject: Konichiwa!
I'm Chinese, not Japanese. But I think you're freaking hilarious. :)
-MiSS MELON

Bob sez:
I better be... I'm getting paid. d.b.


Date: 11/19/07   Subject: Texas Ren Fest
Hey Bob,
We've been coming to your show here in Texas for more than 10 years. We see your show all the time and tell everyone we know that it is a must to see. Every time we see you it's just as funny as it was the first time, sometimes funnier.
We will see you next year and hope we enjoy it. This year was great...until you voiced your political opinion. The reason we see your show it to get away from real world situations and politics. It doesn't matter what political view one has, but as an entertainer nobody really wants to hear it in a show. If all entertainers keep their political views to themselves they will hold onto a lot more fans.
Again, we will see you next year at the Texas Ren Fest, but if you have a political agenda, we will be the ones getting up and leaving. You are one of our favorite comedians and we hope you will continue to entertain as you have in the past.
Take Care and May God Bless You,
-Still A Fan Lee Dempsey

Bob sez:
Lee,

I'm curious, are you bothered by ANY contemporary political content, or the stuff specifically about the neo-fascist administration currently occupying the whitehouse?
Truth be told, the current crop of cut-throat-capitalists are simply worse liars than the last bunch.
Clinton did his share of handing the world over to corporate thieves, he just did it more slickly.
The entire government [both parties] has been over-run by bottom-line-brained, corporate toadies [see rupert murdoch] and pseudo-christian extremists [see pat robertson]. Certainly there are a few exceptions, but they are marginalized by the corporate press.
Since 9/11 [provoked and enabled by the rumsfeld/cheney admin] I've spent a large portion of my free time [which I have tons of] learning about the darkside of u.s. foreign policy. Here's a definition for you:

American Interests...resources outside u.s. borders.

The united states government has been invading and plundering any nation, with resources, that is either too weak or too ignorant to resist. And legions of ignorant pawns line up to serve as tools. I find it beneath contempt that people volunteer to terrorize, maim and kill people they know little or nothing about so exxon executives can play golf 365 days a year. All of the bullshit about 'spreading democracy' is so easily debunked with a minimum of effort.
The u.s. spreading something, but it ain't democracy.
Another definition:

"Spreading Democracy"...privatization.

The u.s. has been propping up scumbag dictators and slaughtering millions of innocent human beings for hundreds of years in order to make the planet safe for private sector plundering. It makes me sick to my stomach to pay taxes to these murderers. But don't take my word for it, do some research for yourself. Here's a few websites to get you started:

http://www.zmag.org/CrisesCurEvts/interventions.htm

http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Zinn/PeoplesHistory_Zinn.html

For more contemporary articles go here:

http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Fisk_Robert/Robert_Fisk_page.html

To be completely honest, I'd rather not have to do this kind of material...but extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. I doubt I'll change anyone's mind, but there are millions of us out there who need to know that there are others who see the insanity of what's happening. I'd rather not stand by and watch the military industrial goons turn the planet into a toxic waste-dump.

So, I'm speaking out in my little corner of the world.

Sincerely, d.b.


Date: 11/19/07   Subject: You Rock
I just totally loved your show. I can't wait till next year when I see it again. I saw my first Ded Bob show Saturday, November 17, 2007. I was in the third row w/a dark purple dress on, plus you farted on me which was very amusing. I can't wait till I'm 18 so I can come on stage. Your just so cool. My favorite song is either the Barney song, Rudolf the Road-Kill Reindeer, or dooh dah, dooh, dah. I just think everyone should see your shoe you should have a tv show or movie.
-Gayelynne Addison

Bob sez:
Gayelynne, I remember every patron I ever farted on...I wouldn't bathe for a week or two if I were you. d.b.


Date: 11/18/07   Subject: texas ren fest nov 17 2007
Hey smudge, just wanted to email you and let you know how much we enjoyed your show this weekend. First time we saw you was 17 years ago when you were walking the grounds harrassing folks including my then very pregnant wife. The 16 year old was with us in person this time and loved the show. Keep up the good work and hope to see you perform again next year !!!!
-Mike Mickey and family

Bob sez:
Mike Mickey - what a great moniker. That must have been fun growing up. Oh, and thanks for making smuj feel like a grampa...as if he's not enough of a whiny grump-o-saurus already. d.b.


Date: 11/17/07   Subject: Hi
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY Bob!!!
My name is Rick White and I was first introduced to bein' Bobmotized in 1995 at the Texas Ren Fest. I have been coming up there each year since then and have always enjoyed your show. SMUJ is a riot!! Would you send my an autographed photo of you and SMUJ to my address? I would really appreciate it. Thanks alot... I am ordering the DVD you have for sale as well... Have a great Holiday,
-Rick

Bob sez:
I don't have any pictures to send...just download one of the pictures off the website and sign it yourself, and then tell everyone I signed it in person...they'll never know the difference. d.b.


Date: 11/13/07   Subject: I wuv you!
Dear Ded Bob,
You rock so hard at the Texas Ren Fair 2007. Love your show, and sent you a photo. I can die happy now, that I have a picture with Ded Bob! :) Also, a video clip where I snuck a kiss off you! ::tee hee!:: I'm a Ded Bob groupie, now!! Everyone enjoyed your show so much, and we plan to see you every time we can!
xoxoxox
-Tracy Arnold (the pirate)

Bob sez:
Tracy, I wuv you too. Especially when you show that cleavage... d.b.


Date: 11/13/07   Subject: I have a stupid question...
1. is there going to be any ded bob for president shirts
2. can my girlfriend date you on the side
**Girlfriend: I love you Bob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**
thanks,
-Josh

Bob sez:
yes squared. d.b.


Date: 11/12/07   Subject: Retirement
Got a chance to see the show at the Texas Ren Fest this past weekend. It was my first Ren Fest and yours was the first show I saw there and now I read that you, Smuj, are hanging it up? Unfortunate because that was the best show I saw all day. I probably applauded a little too loudly at the correct pronunciation of "nuclear." That "nuke-ye-lar" crap has always been a pet peeve of mine. So, I was very pleased to hear a skeleton taking well-desrved shots at our grammatically challenged leader. Ballsy move, being in Texas and all. Hope to see Ded Bob on the ballot next year. If not, I'll write him in.
-Robeli E. Teran

Bob sez:
If the English language were all that fascist asshole was destroying, I'd be a much happier ex-human. smuj is, as yet, not fully retired... he's semi-retired. Who knows, he may have another twenty years left in him... presuming the american police-state hasn't thrown all dissidents in prison. d.b.


Date: 11/12/07   Subject: hello
Hello, me and my family go every year to the T.R.F. and I have to say i love your show most of all. I enjoyed this years performance just as much as the last years. Except this year I'm legal to drink and have to say it made the fair alot more fun. Well Hope to see you back next year to the great state of Texas... My friends and I had so much fun, we all dressed up as wood nymphs and drank, took my friend that has never been to the show to yours.... She laughed so much, and is comming back next year...
With Love,
-The Southern Bells of Texas

Bob sez:
Dear Southern Bells,
If this is some kind of come on so your whole group can get my private info and come over to my house and sex me and smuj up well you're barking up the wrong tree. [try the paper elm in the back yard] This is outrageous! I've a mind to call all of your husbands and invite them to watch. d.b.


Date: 11/12/07   Subject: Ren Fest
Hey BOB! We just got back from Ren Fest on Sunday, November 11, this was the third time I've seen you there. I told everyone that this time I was going to pick up the dvd and even though we drove 3 hours to get there and stayed from open to close we only got to see your last show. Somehow your show must have run late and Tartanic started up as soon as you finished, you never offered the dvds. Of course everyone I was with had already picked up all their cds and dvds they had wanted from the other shows but since we waited to save the best for last, I left with nothing but moose poop. Tartanic is great but don't do that to us again. (we did get to listen to Tartanic all the way home) Thanks for the great show!
-Debbie

Bob sez:
Sorry, Debbie-doodle,
I have to get off the stage early after my last show, because my normally one hour time slot gets cut to a half hour.
Please write a letter to the festival and demand that they:
1. Give ded bob a minimum of 45 minutes for his shows, and
2. Send him back to the Odeon stage, because at the Globe, a quarter of the audience is looking at the back of smuj's hand.
Thanks, d.b.
P.S. You can get ded bob schwag here: http://www.dedbob.com/getstuf.htm


Date: 11/12/07   Subject: Lil' DedBob and Fuj - Pictures from Nov Carolina's Ren Faire
Dear Dedbob and Sluj,
As promised, here's a link to some pictures we took this past weekend of Lil' Bob and Fuj, your biggest, little fans!
http://picasaweb.google.com/lblamboy/2007CarolinaRenFaire
Fuj (aka "William) was absolutely thrilled that you got such a kick out of his homage to Dedbob. Though he got unusually bashful ("star struck") when he met you, it was probably clear that William is an extremely precocious little boy who has been nuts about Dedbob and Sluj for several years. He had a blast getting to go backstage to meet the crew, and, in particular, getting to actually perform alongside Dedbob and Sluj!
In short, William's mother and I really wanted to say "Thanks!" for taking such an interest in him - Though the "Mini-me" novelty factor was enough to grab your attention initially, it's clear to us both that you really have a way with kids (not something that either of us really expected!)...More importantly, that someone William so idolizes would actually take such notice of him was truly touching for us too, and you should know that William hasn't stopped talking about it since we left the grounds...to top it all off, William couldn't wait to play the DVD on the way home (William let us know, with a goofy grin on his face, that "The DVD is even more 'completely inappropriate' for me than the normal show!")...In fact, one of our biggest challenges now is trying to help William figure out how much of the story, jokes, etc. that he can actually tell his friends before WE get in trouble with their parents. :-)
In closing, and at the risk of sounding a tad obsequious, we wanted you to know that your choosing to take William under your wing this weekend truly does have the potential to be a lifelong memory for him. We hope you enjoy the pictures (sorry, we didn't cull any out first!), and if you're ever in the mood for a home-cooked meal, just let us know...we're about a 30 minute drive from the Grounds in the heart of suburban Charlotte!
-Brian and Beth Lambert

Bob sez:
Tanx for the pix - though all I need is more competion... d.b.


Date: 11/04/07   Subject: Hey What?
Dear Ded Bob,
I saw your show in the Rennacaunce Festival this fall and fell in love with your humor. It's a real way to get people's attention! Your jokes are based off of the real world, and you know it!
Love,
-Ellie Snape

Bob sez:
Ellie Snape,
I want to make it clear that I think doing political humor at the renaissance festival SUCKS. I would hate seeing it done by anyone else, and would ridicule them for doing it... and yet I'm doing it. I guess it is an INSANE response to an INSANE government. I want to officially apologize for not doing a better job of trying to stop the world wide train wreck that is surely coming our way.
It's happening in slow motion... for now... which is why anyone who is as alarmed as they should be is still held to be a paranoid or a conspiracy theorist. But it is also accelerating at an exponential rate, and the percentage of humanity that understands this is very small, and the level of misinformation, disinformation, ignorance is huge and growing.
Here is one of my favorite websites: www.thirdworldtraveler.com
Sorry for the crappy vibes, but one thing that makes me what I am is the desire to destroy the polite ignorance that is the united states of america.
d.b.


Date: 11/02/07   Subject: masked man
hey smuj why do you have a mask over your face. That just defies the whole purpose of being a ventriloquist
-Squarepants

Bob sez:
He's not a ventriloquist, he's a dummy.

Squarepants replies:
ha ha that's funny but really why do you have a mask over your face? and dont say hes a dummy because ive been to the NC ren fest and i know you control Bob

Bob sez:
You've got it backwards... bob controls smuj and sluj.

Squarepants replies:
ok fine "Bob" why does your pupet have a mask on

Bob sez:
So you can't see his lips move.
Here's how it works, I [Bob] am essentially a spirit... non-corporeal... disembodied. I choose weak-minded people who are easily dominated and "use" their bodies. So far I've had little success in finding anyone who is physically presentable enough to simply inhabit. None of the dummies I' ve picked is better looking than I am... even though I'm dead. So I put masks on them and have them carry me around instead... get it?

Squarepants replies:
o so there is two diferent people that Bob is controling smuj and sluj ?

Bob sez:
bingo

Squarepants replies:
and aparently puj and nuj

Bob sez:
bob can be in two or more places at the same time

Squarepants replies:
if there are more than 1 people operating how many Bob's are there

Bob sez:
one bob....many dummies.

Squarepants replies:
o cool now i can leave you alone

Bob sez:
actually, as this conversation is going to the dig bob page of my website, it gave me a good chance to explain the whole scenario. d.b.


Date: 11/01/07   Subject: Greetings from the UK
Just to say we saw the show at renaissance last week now back in UK It was one of the funniest vent acts I have ever seen. Keep up the good work, how about a visit to the UK I think you would go down big here. Thanks again
-Roger Hayford

Bob sez:
Roger,
Sorry for the delay. I'd could lie and say that I've been busy, but the truth is, it's simply another example of my dummy's sloth. Nice to know my humor has the moxie to hop the big pond and turn a grin in jolly ole'... I did visit the Nottingham 'Robin Hood' festival around 15 or so years ago... it was iffy. It was a more family-oriented faire, and I'm afraid my level of ribald was a bit too 'close to the bone'.
Hope to see you here again...presuming the fascists in washington d.c. haven't declared martial law and shut the borders. d.b.


Date: 11/01/07   Subject: Smuj! Where'd ya go?
Are you really history? How come? (was at Texas RF)
-Skip

Bob sez:
smuj is 'semi'-retired. He's doing two complete shows and occasional appearances at others.


Date: 10/30/07   Subject: Ded Bob Pumpkin Carving
This Halloween I couldn't think of anything to do for my pumpkin and then I started thinking about the Michigan Renaissance Festival. And poof! There you were. I carved the front and the back of the pumpkin. Here you go! I hope you enjoy it. It's not quite perfect, but it's all for you Bob.
-Rebecca Boomgaard

Bob sez:
It's like I'm looking into an orange mirror. I am truly flattered... and smuj is... well... drooling, actually. Thanks for the tribute Becca; I'll pass the pix on to my webguy. d.b.


Date: 10/2/07   Subject: HEY BOB!
You're amazing. No, really. You can insult and get away with it. You're my hero.
-Whitney Monster

Bob sez:
Well, if you have to have a hero, I'm glad it's me... I'll keep you centered and hip to the crap. Keep checking the website and especially the smartbombs link for bits of truth about the coming chaos. d.b.


Date: 10/26/07   Subject: Thanks
Thanks for all the great shows, Dead Bob is amazing. I can not wait to take my fiance to your show this year at the AZ ren fair, so she can learn of you excellence. Maybe if I am lucky she will be chosen as a zombie.
-Chris Eriksen

Bob sez:
Thanks yourself for bobbing others as you are bobbed yourself. d.b.


Date: 10/23/07   Subject: Hey Bob!!!!
Dear Bob.
I had seen your show for the second time this weekend at the TRF!!! It was just as great as I had remembered it too be. I was wondering if you and Smuj ever do live shows at comady clubs? If so I know alot of people who would die to go and see you... It sux that I cant make it to any of the other fairs to see your other shows... Do you do Excalaber? I think it is in Austin tx but I am not too sure. Me and my mate had a gang of first timers with us this year and they all thought your show to be one of the best out at Ren Fair!!! I hope that I can make it back out there in november for my 27 birthday.. I am going to try and get better seats so that way I can try and be eather zombi 1 or 3... Well I hope to see you again in a month!!!
Love your number 1 Bob zombi fan
-Jamie Rice (Lady Jinx)

Bob sez:
Lady Jinx, I'm afraid the position of #1 fan has been taken. As have #2 through #4283372629. You'll have to either settle for #4283372630, or prove your worthiness to jump ahead. I am forbidden to tell you what you need to do to jump ahead you'll have to be very creative. See you next time, d.b.


Date: 10/21/07   Subject: renozonce festival
hi i was at the renozonce festival and you were so funny that was the best thing there tell bob that i say he was holarios!!! soncerly somone.
-p.s. my name is regan

Bob sez:
Regan, thanks...stay in school. d.b.


Date: 10/17/07   Subject: Ded Bob for President!
Hey bob, i saw your show in TX and i LOVED it. I espically liked the top 10 reasons why you should run for president, but for the life of me can't rember them. (ha) What were they?
thnx- your loyal fan,
-Mason Egger

Bob sez:
10. I come pre-assassinated.
  9. You can call me president bone-head to my face.
  8. I will appoint an all female cabinet, including the brand new "Secretary of Yumminess."
  7. If I get any action in the oval office, it will be streamed live on the internet.
  6. Even empty-headed, I'm smarter than the spoiled brat who is there now.
  5. Free Beer!
  4. My creamy complexion looks great on camera.
  3. Nuclear - n.u.c.l.e.a.r. Nuclear.
  2. I will levy a 99% tax on oil executives and weapons dealers and give the money to teachers and nurses.
 ...and the number 1 reason to vote for Ded Bob...
  1. Cuz you been Bobmotized.


Date: 10/16/07   Subject: BOB!!
Hi Bob!!
I pretty much adore you. i go and see your show every year at the Texas Ren Faire, and if i dont...i have withdrawls...sigh. Actually, yours is the only show i have seen at the Faire. haha. Rock on Bob!!!
-Calee

Bob sez:
Calee, that's a great name...how do you pronounce it? d.b.

Calee replies:
Bob - uh... well its like the State. *Cali*fornia. except its obviously not spelled the same. =D
-Calee

Bob sez:
If I finish everything else I want to do... a considerable list, mind you... I will petition California to change the spelling to 'Caleefornia'. d.b.


Date: 10/11/07   Subject: Texas RenFest
Hi! I'm a teacher and taking my middle schoolers to the Texas Renfest school day on Wed. Oct. 25. Since you are my personal favorite show to see, I was wondering if you were performing for the high schoolers on that day? My students would love to see it! Thank you for your time,
-Teri Driscoll

Bob sez:
Teri, I'll be there. d.b.


Date: 10/01/07   Subject: I thank you.....
Greetings and Salutations Ded Bob, Smuj...../Clark
I trust you are expressing wholeness and well being. I personally would like to thank you for your tremendously GRRRRReat performances at the 2007 Michigan Renaissance. You are the best! It just would not be the Michigan Renaissance Festival without Ded Bob and Smuj!!! NOOOOOO KIDDING you ole stiff!
I have been attending the RenFest since 1992 and developed a close "family relationship" with Deanna and Garry Crenshaw of Global Scent Co. In 2002, Deanna placed a bottle of oil of Temptation into my paws and told me, "Go and tempt the ladies". It is not a paying job, but it does have its perks...Heh, heh, heh!
I do my very best to catch all of you performances - I am the Man in Black who lurks in the "bleachers." The only performance I can not attend is the first one of the day due to my participation in the "Death March" - Okay, they prefer to call it "The Parade" ....." Never mind the Queen, God save the parade marchers!"
I was extreeeeeemely relieved to overhear Smuj tell that cretan that the BOTH of you are NOT planning to retire from doing the Michigan Renaissance Festival!

Ded Bob may you rest on a bed of nails with Velma close by! Smuj, you are an extremely fortunate dummy for you do not have to shave! (I use one of those Trac-Two Razors - The first blade gets most of your whisker and the second gets most of your skin!) Aaaaaaaand Clark, I wish you a HEALTHY and PROSPEROUS year!!!! My very BEST to all of you!
My resplendent regards,
-Christiaan Scott, "Theeeeee Man in Black"

Bob sez:
Well, that was so nice, that I can't even give you my standard smart-ass response. I've seen you lurking....you....you....lurker. You keep that up, and you'll get a reputation. Thanks for the good wishes, I'll pass them on to the appropriate entities. d.b.


Date: 09/30/07   Subject: Michigan Ren Fest 07
Hey Bob
Just wanted to let you know that you've got a new fan! Or minion rather... I loved your show today. You and Smuj are the pinnacles of hilarity. I don't think I've laughed that hard in my whole life. One of your Bob Zombies was my friend's brother... "Ned". WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK ME? I was right there, silly! You perverted bag of bones... I love you.
Anyway, that was my first Ren Fest I've ever been to, and seeing your show makes me want to go back 800 times over. I only wish it hadn't been the last one of the summer; I want to go see your show again so bad. Your stuff was just too funny... The Ded Bob Sho is the best thing to hit the world since... food. I'm definitely going to every single one of the shows you do in Michigan from here on out. I freaking love you, you naughty little corpse.
Oh well. Look for me in the audience, deliberately disobeying your rules in hopes that you'll "bonk" me.
"Say puberty!" XOXO
-Jaimie

Bob sez:
Why thankee miss Jaimie, I'm glad you enjoyed the festival and the ded bob sho. As for 'picking you', if you're young enough for me to have told you to say "puberty" during your picture, I'm afraid you'll have to wait a few years to be picked for the show. Unfortunately, there are these silly social norms that get people all bent out of shape about. But your time will come, missy... your time will come. d.b.


Date: 09/30/07   Subject: hey ded bob!!
hi dedbob your show was so funny at the festavil.my dad loves you.i was at the show when u had the people named mary, FIFI and that guy ned or somthing.my name is ashley u probrably dont remember me but you asked me if i whanted to get married when my sister and i came up for pictures.youare the best show there at the renisaince fest.say hi to smuj for me will ya.so um how do u get those pictures and drawlings from people for your page?Im a great drawler so i would love to drawl one.mabey when i come to your show next year i can bring one to u.anyways e-mail me.BYE DED BOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Ashley B

Bob sez:
Ashley, I was crushed when you refused to marry me, but I suppose I am a bit too old... 1006 to be honest. I'm glad you enjoyed the show, and maybe next year, when you are older, we can reconsider a betrothal? d.b.


Date: 09/30/07   Subject: Michigan Renaissance Festival!
Thank you so much for making my first time at the Renaissance Festival a great one! Your show was so great we came back two times that day and we came back on the last day and brought friends... Thanks again!
-Danielle and James

Bob sez:
D & J, thanks for the kind words. This was a great season in Michigan... the best in a long time. See you next year. d.b.


Date: 09/29/07   Subject: dig bob
ATTENTION: This e-mail will be very much like the plethora of other flattering e-mails you have received.
I just got back from seeing Mr. Ded for the first time, at the Michigan Ren. Fest. Some of the hardest laughter I've ever experienced -- and I was sober the whole time! Yours is geuinely a clever, and well-designed act. You have a hell of a good grip on your audience, too. Overall it was easily the best festival show I've seen. I'm kicking myself for skipping it in the past.
-Adam Whittum, AKA Salutin' Ned

Bob sez:
Flattery will get you bonked, young man. I have assigned you zombie number 34453R. You'll be contacted later as to your duties. All of your hottie friends are now mine, and I will expect them next year at the sho.
Don't eat poop.
d.b.


Date: 09/28/07   Subject: Bob Betrothed
To my dearest and deadest Bob,
I LOVE YOU! Will you marry me? Please? My bosom makes a great pillow!
My lover's plea aside - I absolutely love your show, Ded Bob! You're so amazing. You always make the TRF 10,000x better just by being there. I can't ever imagine a trip to TRF without you. Any festival that refuses you is a fool!
The first time I ever saw you was at Tex Ren Fest back in 1998 at the tender age of 15. I feel INSTANTLY IN LOVE and have been a faithful and loyal zombie to you ever since! My one dream in life is to be pulled on stage to be a zombie in your show. Every year I go to your show with the intention to purposely ignore all your rules and commands in order to get your attention! Alas for me I cannot deny your word and I end up doing everything you say in spite of my own desires! OH BOB you own my soul! My poor, tormented, loyal zombie soul!
I'll be at TRF this year in the audience trying my best to get your attention with my disobedient ways! I hope ya see me!
Awaiting the day when we can be together at last,
-Markie

Bob sez:
Of course I'll marry you but you should know that I'm a total polygamist. I have wives of every age, nationality, color, size and shape. I usually marry my zombies after the show during the photo sessions.
As for your being IN the show.... If I had my druthers... it's a word, look it up... I'd give every zombie that comes to the show their fifteen minutes of fame. Alas, there are so many zombies and only so many shows. However, I aim to please, so - please send a picture of said 'bosom' so I can identify it when you show up at the sho. I can't make any promises; we'll just have to wait and see. d.b.


Date: 09/25/07   Subject: President Bob?
Hey Ded Bob! While at Holly Grove, I heard you mention the top 10 reasons you're running for President. What were those reasons?
Sincerely
-Pete, your loyal voter

Bob sez:
DAM U ZOMBIE PETE!!!!!
You have shat on zombie behavioral priority number 10028! You have insulted me, and all bob-zombiedom! This is almost unforgivable, but you do have one way out of eternal shame and humiliation: Say fourteen 'Our Bobs' and nine 'Hail Bonkers'.

The reasons:
10. He comes pre-assassinated.
  9. You can call him 'President Bonehead' to his face.
  8. He'll appoint an all-female Cabinet... including the brand new "Secretary of Yumminess."
  7. If he gets any action in the oval office, it'll be streaming live on the internet.
  6. Even empty-headed, he's smarter than the spoiled-brat, wannabe-dictator that is there now.
  5. Free-beer!
  4. His creamy complexion looks great on camera.
  3. Nuclear: N-U-C-L-E-A-R....(pronounced, "noo-klee-er").
  2. He will levy a 99.9% tax on oil executives and weapons dealers, and give the money to teachers and  nurses.
And the number one reason to vote for Ded Bob:
  1. Cuz you been Bobmotized!


Date: 09/25/07   Subject: Bresticles
Bob,
I have attended your show at the TRF every year for like 10 yrs the last 4 of which I have been legal. I have big bresticles that are very nicely exposed and I sit on the ailse so why oh why have you not picked me to be a zombie? Don't you like large bresticles in which to rest your weary head? Please oh please pick your very pouting blooming fan this year or i might not throw my self at you.
-Melissa G. (With the very big Bresticles)

Bob sez:
How about a photo of these said "bresticles", so I'll know what to look for? d.b.


Date: 09/22/07   Subject: wish you wouldn't
Ok ... so I wish you wouldn't retire .. but ya freakin did .. so thats that ... no more pickles in holly MI with dedbob .. no more ass jokes when I see ya .. but thats freakin fine .. I don't live in mi anymore! Here in fl there is no festival and I am stuck with a pair of boots that cost me $250 ... a outfit that well to put it frank .. I could wear but be ostrichsized for later ...
So Mr dedbob .. have it good retire to whereever ... but I will not be seeing your shows anymore .. (because I freakin can't) ... not that it would have been the same.
-Tracy Chuba

Bob sez:
Tracy, calm down dear. There's always your memories, presuming your lack of Bob doesn't send you spiraling into alcoholism and memory blackouts. And even if it does, you'll be too drunk to care, so hey... cheer up.
It's smuj that's SEMI-retiring, not me [Bob]. And florida's only a looooong days drive from the texas festival, so drink a gallon or two of coffee, load up the kids and come to Texas, the land of meat and money. d.b.


Date: 09/19/07   Subject: Hey Smuj
Thanks again for a greart show at michigan Renfest
-Bill Pioch, A loyal zombie

Bob sez:
Bless you, Zombie Bill. Your zombie number is B43556 - DON'T LOSE IT!! It will cost you $43 to replace it. d.b.


Date: 09/10/07   Subject: Heyyy
Heyyyyy i havent heard from you in a long time. loll .so i thought that id message you to see what was up!? how are you? are you & bob done with the renaissance festivals?? any more jokes or funny stories?? add me on myspace alrighty - ttyl.
-Crystal. (-aka- your biggest fan!lOllll.)

Bob sez:
Crystal, I'm a myspace boob. Sorry, no friending for you. d.b.


Date: 09/09/07   Subject: HEY BOB AND HIS DUDE
I WENT 2 THE RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL 2DAY AND SEEN U AGAIN 4 THE 2ND TIME U RULE LOL OH YEA AND YOUR SIDE KICK 2 LMAO CANT WAIT TELL NEXT YEAR 2 SEE U 2 AGAIN KEEP UP THE FUNNY STUFF MUCH
-LUV ME

Bob sez:
Thanks, me. See ya next year. d.b.


Date: 08/27/07   Subject: Michigan RenFest
your show in holly mich.is always great. love to take new people to your show. thanks for the laugh
-Judith Hicks

Bob sez:
Thanks for bringing new meat...my appetite has not diminished, regardless of my diminished physique. d.b.


Date: 08/19/07   Subject: Hey Bob!
It's mid August! Almost time for the Michigan Ren Fest! Woo hoo! Yes, I know Smuj smells like the business end of a wombat, but you better bring him. I'm finally 18 so you better pick me to go up on stage! Can't wait to see you there and for many years to come!
Love, hate and other mixed teenage emotions,
-Lady Jennifer

Bob sez:
Ah yes, the teen-age angst-ridden days of post-puberty. When I [Bob] was eighteen, it was still the dark ages and the world was ruled by fanatical religious insane people... sound familiar?
p.s: when smuj was eighteen, he was eating bugs for beer money. d.b.


Date: 08/12/07   Subject: Hey Bob and Bob-Dummies
Hey Bob.
I was looking on the Texas Renaissance Festival Site and I was looking to see if you're still listed and you are but that may just be no one's gotten off their asses to remove it. I hope, however, this is not true, because I'm already planing what shows I want to see and yours is on the top of the list. Hope to see you at TRF 2007!
-Allison B. (aka Bite-size)

Bob sez:
I'll be there. They put me back on the Globe Stage...the one near the front gate...again. So, I'll see you there. d.b.


Date: 07/15/07   Subject: i <3 you Ded Bob!
Hey Ded Bob! my name is Kara. I just saw you and Smuj at the Colorado renaissance Festival today, this was my second time seeing you and I LOVE your humor! its outrageously funny! im planning on buying a T-Shirt from your site because I wanna tell people about how hilarious you are! Keep on telling those funny ass jokes! and if you want you can check out my myspace at www.myspace.com/moshingbutterflies ill see you next year!! e-mail back! thanx bye!
XOXO Love
-Kara

Bob sez:
Kara,
In all honesty, I don't specifically recall doing any "ass jokes". I suppose it's possible that, living in america, where such scatalogical humor is considered high comedy, it is understandable that you may have mistaken one of my urbane quips as an "ass joke"; however, I assure you, madam, it would have been entirely a quirk of your base, sports-bar intellect, and no invention of my own.
Carry on smashing butterflies or whatever it is to which your email-moniker infers.
Good day, madam...and there's an end.
d.b.


Date: 07/10/07   Subject: A pic of a zombie and greets from some mega fans
the attached photo is on behalf of Lelah Radostis, AKA Zombie #1 at your ten thirty AM show on sunday the 10th of june in Colorado. We enjoy watching the Ded Bob show everytime we go to Larkspur fest (always the first thing we do as soon as we're in the gate!!!) so much, that most of us are coming back to see you on the 14th of July and maybe again sometime on the last weekend (been twice already this year)...can't wait!!! You rock our socks off!!
forever your most loyal bob zombies,
-Lelah, Bird (the owner of this particular email address), Doug (newly recruited to the Bob Zombie nation), Vocal, Jeffery, Jackie, Donda, Mongoose, Kitty, Elysa, Steven, Ian, Kelly, Rachel and Colin.

PS. your DVD is amazing. I also bought the bumper sicker, and put it on one of my bike bags. I get so many questions about it, and I am more than happy to spread forth the wonder that is Ded Bob so that all the world knows of your glorious-ness. I am planning the perchase of a tee shirt this coming weekend. ^_^

Bob sez:
Lelah, et al - Oh, to be twenty again...
By the way, smuj my original dummy will be otherwise engaged for the rest of the Colorado Festival, so be aware that when you return, I'll have a higher voice and a more energetic manipulator. d.b.


Date: 07/01/07   Subject: Mich Ren Fest
Your web site schedule doesn't say which September dates that you'll be at the Michigan Renaissance Festival. The www.michrenfest.com doesn't say, either. We did notice you'll be at the King Richard's Faire in Sept, according to the schedule, also. We were wondering if that meant that you'll be in Michigan for the first half of the month, and gone after that, or what? We're planning a large group trip to the MichRenFest, and don't want to miss your show! If you could let us know which dates you will be there in September, we would appreciate it SO much! Thank you!
-Abit2shy

Bob sez:
Thanks for tipping me off to that oversight.
Bob will NOT be appearing at 'King Richard's Faire" this year. He will be doing the full run at the Michigan Renaissance Festival as well as at the Silverleaf Festival in Michigan. d.b.


Date: 06/22/07   Subject: Little Ded Bob fan
In 1991 (Maybe 1992) I was twelve years old and went with my family to the Texas Renaissance Festival. At that time Ded Bob didn't yet have his own show, but walked around the grounds harassing people!
Well, my mother just fell in love with him and wanted to take a photo of me kissing him. As soon as I kissed him on the side of his face, he started to yell: "AMANDA'S EASY! AMANDA'S EASY!"
Yearssssss later, in 2003, my husband and I went to the Texas Renaissance Festival and I told him that we had to find Ded Bob, (and filled him in on our 'past'). Not only did he find the embarrassment of a young girl funny, he loved the show.
A few months later, our youngest son was starting to 'talk'. We had just got a new shower curtain with skulls on it for our 'Pirate' themed bathroom. When my youngest, Cash, saw it he asked "What that?" And to be funny, his dad said "Oh, that's Bob."
Now Cash is four and his favorite thing in the world is "skeletons". (Yes, kinda morbid for a four year old) But the funny thing is that he thinks all skeletons are named BOB!
I found this web site today while wasting time online. My kids were in the room with me when I clicked on the home page. I said to Cash "Hey, who's that?" to which Cash replied "That's BOB!"
I hope one year to take him to the Texas Renaissance Festival to met the original BOB!
-Amanda in Texas

Bob sez:
Amanda,
Thank you so much for your wonderful letter. It is so sweet, I can't even be sarcastic. Tell Cash I'll see him next fall, and be sure to give him plenty of 'cash' for tips. d.b.


Date: 06/10/07   Subject: hey bob ... ;)
i just saw ur show today and i think u are very funny... you make the ren festival worth the money... i was wondering if u were going to make any new ded bob dvds?
-Tiffany

Bob sez:
Tiffany, my number two dummy, 'sluj' will soon have a dvd out and available here: http://www.dedbob.com/getstuf.htm Be the first on your block... d.b.


Date: 06/10/07   Subject: You rock!
Ded Bob,
Yay I'm a Bob Zombie. I have seen your show...I don't know how many times! Every time I go it's just as good as the time before! Keep up the superness! Rock on!
~*Megan~*

Bob sez:
Very well, Zombie Megan.
At some time in the future, you and the rest of my zombie forces will be called upon to overthrow the fascist/corporate state and join with your leader....me....in bringing about the new world dis-order. The code word is 'bonk'....wait for it. d.b.


Date: 06/07/07   Subject: Tex Ren Fest
Hey, Bob. You were awful naughty last year at the Tex Ren Fest. Well...you're naughty every year but at the last one I finally accomplished two of the three things I've always wanted to do at the Ded Bob Show: 1) Share a liplock with you big flirty bag o' bones and 2) give you the proper beating you deserve. Still haven't accomplished my third long time wish to be a Bob Zombie but I remain hopeful every year that you'll see me in the crowd, blantantly disregarding your rules in the hopes that you'll boink me.
xoxo
-Christine

Bob sez:
Christine, the only reason you haven't been a Bob Zombie is because I can't pick every deserving devotee...there simply aren't enough shows. Hang in there, baby...you've certainly got the "right stuff". d.b.


Date: 05/31/07   Subject: Scarborough sphincters
DED BOB... can't believe the "A Sphincters" at Scarborough Faire dropped you from the venue this year! It's the only reason we go out to the festival.
Thanks for the laughs,
-Don

Bob sez:
Maybe next year scarborough will wise up. d.b.


Date: 04/16/07   Subject: Great show
Hi Bob,
Saw you twice this past weekend at the Georgia Ren Fest and you were awsume. Diffentately a dcid hard fan. Look to see you when I go back. Your newest fan among others,
-Daniel Flinchum, "Ghosthunterdan"

Bob sez:
Bless you minion...I'll pass this on to sluj. d.b.


Date: 04/15/07   Subject: Even the innocent...
... have Bobbotized. Go figure!
My daughter adores your show. I blame myself, rightfully :-) . She just giggles and asks "when can we see Ded Bob again, Mom?" She doesn't "get" the whole wording.... thank god :-) My greatest fear is the day when she actually understands the whole schtick.....
.... 'til then, many thanks from Michigan RenFest patron #.. erm...not that many fingers.....
(I know you get a lot of photos, but I thought maybe a giggler might give you a smile for the night, I was sharing some pics with my friends overseas, linking your site and figured... what the heck).
Thanks for many laughs from the wee Megan and her Mom :-)
-Terri

Bob sez:
She's a capital C Cutie. They grow up so fast...she'll be out of the nest and her own bob zombie before you know it. d.b.


Date: 03/20/07   Subject: New Material
Ded Bob:
Saw your show in Arizona and enjoyed your thoughts on Apache Junction. I lived there way back in the 50's. Our family was kicked out of A.J. but that's another story. And speaking of stories, thought you might like some new material about Apache Junction to maybe work into your show. I met a lady in A.J. via a dating service on the web. She was a Flight Attendant and quite good looking. I asked her why she was looking for dates on the web since she must meet guys everyday flying around the country. She replied this way, "Most male flight attendants are gay. Most pilots are married and I live in Apache Junction and like my men with teeth". I thought it was funny. Thought maybe you would too.
Stay Ded
-Ray

Bob sez:
Ray,
I've been away from the pooter for a few weeks and can't remember if I already responded to this or not. In any case, all suggestions for new material are bundled with other suggestions, and after a rigorous perusal by a panel of seasoned/cynical judges are dumped in the 'considered suggestions' bin. This should not be considered a rebuke, but rather a mass rejection...not that there's any difference.
d.b.


Date: 03/19/07   Subject: Oogle my goodies!
Dear ol' Bobly! I'm shivering with excitement over the Arizona Ren-Fest DVD coming out! Thanks for making the dvd! Also, any and every time I see you, I will make sure to wear a scantilizingly small lace up corset, allowing my bosum to emerge in a sexy manner, just for you!
Love and Lust,
-Trinity Flanders, the Fuzzette

Bob sez:
Fuzz, the dvd is being edited as we speak. We're working with a different film company, so I'm not sure about their production speed. Keep checking the website...there should be an announcement when it is released. d.b.


Date: 03/23/07   Subject: Arizona appearance?
Hey there,
Just wondering if Smuj was still planning on joining us at this year's Arizona Renassaince Festival over the next two weekends. I e-mailed you a few weeks back, and that was a possibility at the time. We're hoping that's the case as we're big fans.
Thanks,
-Pat & Rochelle Impiccini

Bob sez:
Si! d.b.


Date: 03/16/07   Subject: Bodonkabonk Butt.
Hey Ded Bob,
I saw your show at the AZ faire and loved it. I think you're new patented "Bodonkabonk" has been stolen by Subway though. I just saw a commercial where someone was going through a drive-in for fast food, and they were ordering things like, extra fat, blubber, and thunder thighs. The woman pipes in and says she'll have the same, except instead of the blubber, she wants a "Badonkabonk butt." Saw that and immediately thought of you.
A big fan,
-Jeff

Bob sez:
I have initiated legal action against 'subway' and it's subsidiaries as well as anyone else who repeats the copywrited term "badonkabonk". If you haven't received a notarized supoena within eight working days from this email, I'm firing my law firm. d.b.


Date: 03/14/07   Subject: No Great Lakes?
Is it true you won't be back at GLMF this year?? If not, that sucks!
-Tony

Bob sez:
I'm afraid so. How close are you to flint, michigan? I'll be there in mid august (a much better festival thant 'glmf') d.b.


Date: 03/11/07   Subject: bobmotized!
Hey Bob! Went to your show in October 2006 at TRF. My dad said we (my brothers and I) couldn't see anything before the Ded Bob Sho. He obviously knew what he was doing when he had us see it!! I completely enjoyed it and am anxious to see it again many times!! Thanks for the laughs!!!
-K Miller, a faithful zombie

Bob sez:
Thanks for the kind words. I'm waiting for my contract, but barring anything drastic happening, I'll see you next October. d.b.


Date: 03/04/07   Subject: Hey D B !
Hey Ded Bob,
Saw you at the Arizona Renaissance Festival on March 3rd. 2007. I must say Sluj is improving, the show was much better than last year. We were not impressed with him last year, he is no Smuj that's for sure. We hope ol Smuj will make appearances once in a while. Great Sho Bob, you're as Ghastly as ever and we Love you!
KEEP IT DEAD, MAN !
-Sir William and Lady Aileen of Scottsdaleshire

Bob sez:
smuj is scheduled to be at the AZ show for the last two weekends. Thanks for the feedback. d.b.


Date: 03/01/07   Subject: MD Ren Fest
Screwed up when they let U go??
I was behind the scense? 1990's? early.. mid.. something like that. U were the funniest freaking act!!!!! Looks like U are keeping busy! Great site!!!
All the best,
-Kevin, Backstage-type-guy, Odenton, MD

Bob sez:
Thanks, Kevin. I'm mostly retired from ren festivals now. I might have to leave the u.s. altogether. I don't want to live in a fascist country. d.b.


Date: 02/21/07   Subject: Arizona appearance?
Hey there,
Just wondering if Smuj was going to make an appearance at this year's Arizona Renassaince Faire. I see that Sluj is listed but I know that last year Smuj made it for the last weekend. We're big fans here of the original loveable lug!
-Pat Impiccini

Bob sez:
As of today, I'm planning to do the last two weekends. It's not definite yet, but I'd say 76% chance. d.b.


Date: 02/18/07   Subject: BOOK!
Dear Bob and Smuj,
I would like to inform you that Ded Bob has been mentioned in a book! On page 271 of Tongue in Chic by Christina Dodd (it just came out this month), Ded Bob is mentioned in conjunction of a party that is being planned in the book. Just letting you know. The author's website is www.christinadodd.com
-Sarah, a dodd and bob fan

Bob sez:
thanks for the tip, I'll sue her for illegal use of my trademarked name. d.b.
[kidding]


Date: 02/15/07   Subject: Your biggest fans from Houston-your schedule!!!!!!
Smuj, we literally cannot wait til October to see u @ the Texas renaissance festival. So I went online to find out where we can catch you sooner. Your website's schedule says that in April, you will be @ the Scarborough festival however, the festival's site does not have you listed. Dude!!!!! I'm not driving to Ohio or Colorado with a bunch of loud mouth brats!!!! But- I will drive to Dallas. Please!!!!!! Let us know the facts with you schedule. Oh, by the way, if you hear someone chanting 'DED BOB, DED BOB, DED BOB' just before you come out, that's us!!!!! We start it and before you know it your telling us to keep our shirts on.
Thanx
-Al

Bob sez:
You are correct, ded bob has been dropped from the cast of the 2007 Scarborough faire. Please write nasty letters to the management and accuse them of stupidity and what the hell, accuse them of murder. That'll teach 'em to mess with bob. d.b.


Date: 01/19/07   Subject: student days at Arizona Renaissance Festival
I just printed out the schedule of the student days (Feb. 15th 2007 for Jr. and Senior High students) at the Arizona Renaissance Festival and you were not on it. Why not? Your not scared of a bunch of teenagers, are you? What's the worst they could do? Kill you . Seriously, I know of several of the teens that will be very disappointed you won't be there. After all what is the Renaissance Festival without Ded Bob? They can all be Bob Zombies in training and think of it (I now appeal to your greed) teens with limited adult supervision with cash!!!
-Kenneth Edmonds

Bob sez:
Disapointment builds character. d.b.


Date: 01/06/07   Subject: Ever stop at Bristol?
Hey Ded Bob,
I haven't seen you since the last century (you were ded then, too). I was first introduced to the experience in the 90's, when I lived in Atlanta and was dating a delicious young woman who was a huge bobzombie (and one of the few attractive women at Tech... boy did those guys hate me for stealing one of their women!), but I've been up in the Chicago area for several years. I know that you do the faire out by Detroit, but it's not exactly local, and everyone here goes to Bristol.
Have you ever considered a stop at Bristol? I know that touring is hard (I've had several friends on the circuit before, and still have some that work Bristol), but I really want to see you again before you force smuj into an early (but well-deserved) grave.
Please let me know if you ever wander out this way. Barring that, when is smuj retiring? I'd like to try to find a way to make it to one last show, for old times' sake. I've heard it's gotten better (is this really possible?).
Thanks,
-Jon

Bob sez:
Jon, no plans to do bristol in the near future. I did that fair about six or seven years ago and wasn't terribly well received. But who knows - stay tuned to the website. d.b.


Wanna email Ded Bob? He'll get back to you as soon as humanly possible. If you're lucky, maybe even sooner.

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