Letters from 2008

Date: 12/06/08   Subject: Loved you in Texas!
Hey, Ded Bob:
Saw you again on the 28th at the Texas Renfest. Thank heavens you were there--I brought two friends with me who had never been to Renfest, much less seen Ded Bob. They were enamoured! Their lives were changed! They will go out and be valuable citizens to society, all because they saw The Ded Bob Sho! Of course, they didn't get it when the Zombies came around to pass the hat, but I straightened them out quick.
I am once again disappointed that I was not chosen to be a Zombie on stage this year. What, may I ask, are the the criteria for getting picked to be a Zombie? I ask, so that I might stand a better chance of being picked. I might add that I also have red hair, if it helps.
Thankfully, two years ago, one of your dummies was selling DVD's after the show, and lucky me, I got one. I've often watched it to get through the time when Ded Bob is not here. My brother will be coming to Houston tomorrow, and if I can get him to sit still for a few minutes, maybe I'll let him watch it, too.
Looking forward to seeing you again next year, which ever dummy you bring with you. This year, according to the website, it was smuj. And doesn't smuj look dashing with no shirt and cargo shorts, munching a bowl of popcorn while staring into space (or at an unseen TV.)
Thanks for everything. Regards
-Amy O'Donnell - Houston, TX

Bob sez:
Amy, the criteria for becoming a Bob Zombie is happiness above all else. Being a hottie doesn't hurt, but it's not essential. There are lot's of audience members, and only three zombies, so the odds are against any one individual. The only thing you can do is keep coming...and don't sit in the front row, or too far back. d.b.


Date: 12/01/08   Subject: Hey Bob!!!
I just saw your show this past weekend, I am an out-of-towner and thought it was great. I would like to make 2 suggestions for ad-libs for your show.
1) when youre having the audience work out, stretching and limbering out, you could say "Im gonna work you to the bone..." 2) when you have audience participation, like you did on Saturday, you have a young lady, a middle age man and an older lady. When the older lady comes up, you could say, "whos robbing the cradle now...?"
Just a couple of suggestions, feel free to use them. I only ask that you let me know if you are or are not planning on using them. Thanks Bob.
-Josh Lurie

Bob sez:
Josh,
Excellent suggestions.
Even now, a crack team of comedy analysts are studying your submissions and considering the possibility of adding them to the Sho. If they are accepted, a limousine will pick you up at your front door and drive you to the nearest airport for transfer to a high security detention center to make sure a satirist of your caliber is not wasted on any other lame-ass production.
Stand by,
d.b.


Date: 11/07/08   Subject: Hey Bob & Smuj
Bob, Smuj, or Clark,
My name is Mike Smith, and I am a Staff Sergeant in the US Air Force - currently stationed in Stuttgart, Germany. My hometown is Houston, TX and as such I have met with you and Bob in the past at the TX Renn Faire. As a longtime fan and one who likes to create and perform -> armoring/blacksmithing, carpentry, etc. and martial arts and theater; to include participation at the faires. I always make time to come to your Sho and bring others around for the experience and I visit whenever possible. Needless to say your Sho and the fact that everyone loves having Bob around provided the needed motiviation and inspiration for my latest appearance this past Halloween. I have attached a couple of pictures and hopefully, you will find them to be flattering and find you in good spirit.
Bob v.2 - Took First place at two costume contests - resulting in 3 Golf Green Fees and a Bottle of Gluwhein. Additionally, I volunteer at my sons elementery school and the kids love a cynical teacher. Thanks for putting on your Sho and mastering your craft... Bob is well known over here.
Regards and best wishes,
-Mike Smith

Bob sez:
Well done, Sgt. Smith. Of course all prize money should be forwarded to the Ded Bob home for wayward dummies. d.b.


Date: 11/01/08   Subject: TRF
YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST FUNNIEST CHARACTERS OUT THERE YOU TO SMUJ YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS. I CANT WAIT TILL NEXT YEARS RENISCANCE FESTIVAL.
-Olen Bonner

Bob sez:
Thanks Olen. Now collect thirty-six other humans to bring with you, the next time you come. d.b.


Date: 10/14/08   Subject: ;-)
Hi there,
Saw you at the Texas Ren fest, first time. Still smiling.
-Janet

Bob sez:
Careful, you'll wear out your cheeks. d.b.


Date: 09/30/08   Subject: performances
Do you perform at private functions? If so, what is the cost?
Thanks,
-Victoria

Bob sez:
The show doesn't seem to transfer well outside the outdoor festival context. Of course I can be bought, I charge $1000.00 an hour plus expenses, and I'll have an outrageous demands as to how the gig goes down. d.b.


Date: 09/30/08   Subject: election
Hey Bob...(posed to say hey what???) LOL
Anywho, What a superb show with such entertaining aspects it supercedes all other dedbob type acts. Not to be compared to mere puppet sorts. None compare~~~~!!!!!!!!.
I can recall the first time I saw Bob, I was inamered with the way it was carried out, and laughed my ass off. I wish literally I would have laughed my ass OFF, but I was hysterical.
I return to the Michigan Renaissance and make The Ded Bob Show, (Show Ded Bob The $) (another ha ha) a first priority. So glad I do and did again this year. I sport my support by wearing the shirt I bought over 10 years ago. With Pride I wear it!!! It clearly states that I have been Bobmotized. As I have been.
When I witnessed again another spectacular and engaging show last Sunday,( 9-28) I heard of a call out with new shirts printed "Ded Bob for President"! Appropriate, I say. On that first show when I fell in love with it all, I hooted out real loud and clear for all to hear, "DED BOB FOR PRESIDENT". I think I am Bob's original supporter of presidency... I felt like a fool, but the beer didn't allow me to feel that foolishness 'til the next day.
Well, in closing, I just want to thank you, Clark, along with Bob, our new president of the world, for wonderful and just plain fun at the festival.
You should take this act and make millions, 'cause I just know you would. But keeping it in the festival makes it so special.
Fondly,
-Laurie Ann

Bob sez:
Bless you, Laurie Ann you have been assigned to zombie unit #7566. At an appropriate time, you will be given instructions as to your part in my plan to rule the planet. We will rid the earth of fascists and capitalists and party all day and night for eternity. d.b.


Date: 09/07/08   Subject: I Have Been Bobmotized!!!
Hey Bob me and my girfriend just seen your show for the first time at the Michigan Renaissance show and we have to tell you We loved the show and think you were Great! we both were lol so much. Keep up the good work
yours truly
-Randy, A Bobmotized Zombe

Bob sez:
Randy, I totally know, right...last week my friend was all p.m.s. and so I got all i.h.f. and p.a.t.t. Well that got her a.y.a. and b.m.t. so we've been c.m.t. ever since, fer sher. d.b.


Date: 09/07/08   Subject: Mwahaha, fan mail...
Dearest Lord Bob,
Just got back from the Michigan Ren Fayer, 3rd year in a row.. you should be proud =] Anywho, loved your show, hope to see ya next year.
-Emmy Seward
p.s. Like the pic? hecks yeah, we're cute together.
p.s.s. You spelled "dead" wrong.

Bob sez:
I am proud, miss smarty face, and you spelled Emmie wrong. d.b.


Date: 09/06/08   Subject: my birthday
hey dedbob do u think u could sho up for my birthday? I went to the renasonst festivel and loved u! especally with ur funny jokes
-Wendy Lawrenson

Bob sez:
Wendy, I'll be with you in spirit. d.b.


Date: 09/05/08   Subject: Wish you'd come to MD Renn Faire
Hey Bob & Smuj,
Loved your show for years when I lived in AZ and went to their Renn Fest. Now I have only video and YouTube to remind me of you. Wish you'd come to the MD Renn Faire so I can quit pining. Who do I bug to get you on for next years festivities? Tell me and they will be pestered!
Have a good one!
-Allison

Bob sez:
The problem is, Maryland overlaps the Michigan Festival, and I'm pretty well committed to the Michigan show. Michigan is beautiful this time of year :-) d.b.


Date: 09/03/08   Subject: Legal Action
Mr. Bob (a/k/a Ded Bob, alias d.b.)
1313 Ded Beat Lane
Purgatory USA

Dear Sir (and I use that term loosely):

Please be advised that the firm of Will, Getcha & Soon has been retained by Mr. smuj, a card carrying member of the International Dummies Union (IDUM). It has come to our attention that there is a possibility that Mr. smuj could be a victim of a wrongful discharge case (and I ain't talking about bad gas). This is to let you know that if that occurs, we will have no choice but to take immediate legal action. Although you claim he is "lazy, stupid, gag ugly and smells like the business end of a wombat", if it weren't for Mr. smuj falling on your grave, you would not be here at all and, therefore, never would have become the success you are today. You owe Mr. smuj a great debt and he is your responsibility since it was you who overtook his body. Also, and I quote, you claim to be looking at three "younger dummies" as his replacement. This is a blatant example of age discrimination. I advise you to seriously reconsider any attempts to remove Mr. smuj from your entourage.

Sincerely,
I. M. Furious, Esq.
cc: Mr. smuj

(-Jane C. Hasse)

Bob sez:
Ha...I scoff at your feeble threat.
smuj is only one of a thousand dummies I have employed over the years since I passed. The story on my website is just a fable to placate the geeks who need that kind of quaint pablum to make sense of the world. Bring on your silly suit if you wish. My legal advisors at E. Chit & Dye will mop the floor with your bozo barristers.
Not trembling in my boots,
d.b.


Date: 09/02/08   Subject: Thank You
Hi!
I wanted to thank you for making me a part of your show. I was: "Dead Zombie #3" on September 1 in Michigan. Have dark hair and was wearing a red top. Really enjoyed your show and was HONOURED to be a part of it. Thank you so very much!
-Aida

Bob sez:
My pleasure! You are part of an elite group, now. I wouldn't bathe for a few weeks...you know...to let the whole experience soak in for a while. At some point in the future, you may be contacted to participate in my plan to rule the universe. Things are taking a bit longer than I had planned, so please be patient. d.b.


Date: 08/28/08   Subject: CO Ren Fest
Thanks so much for continuing your show at the Colorado Ren Fest. I am a huge fan, I go every year and the first show that I hit is yours and just recently I started getting a shirt signed every year.(whether it is a Ded Bob shirt or just one of mine) Anyway, your show makes me laugh and is always a start to a great day at the Ren fest, thanks so much!
-Samantha

Bob sez:
yo welcum. d.b.


Date: 08/25/08   Subject: !!!!!!!!
u r fucking great!!!!!!!! I saw u saturday, u rocked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! keep up the good work!!!!
-Dylan Hasler

Bob sez:
Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! d.b.


Date: 08/24/08   Subject: Missed you in Minnesota
Just wanted to let you know you were missed in Minnesota. I have emailed the Ren here and requested your deadness for next year so hop to see your eye sockets here.
-Mr. October 08 (Nedly)

Bob sez:
Thanks, Nedly. I'm not sure what the problem is, but maybe a groundswell of bob-zombies could change the minnesota management's minds. You're in charge. d.b.


Date: 08/21/08   Subject: are you going to be at the minnesota reinisanace festival
ARE YOU GOING TO BE AT TH REINISANCE FESTIVAL IN MINNESOTA THIS YEAR? AND WHEN?
-Carol & David

Bob sez:
Sorry, no Bob in Minninipples this year. You could always drive to Michigan. d.b.


Date: 08/17/08   Subject: love your show
I have seen your show over many, many years and its still the best show and the main reason we go to the Michigan Renaissance Festival.Keep up the great work and thank you for for still coming to Michigan.You need to be on Tv.
-Brian & Renee Kelly

Bob sez:
If I did t.v., I'd have to write new material...that simply isn't done in vaudeville. d.b.


Date: 08/15/08   Subject: A Victim of Your Abuse
Dear DB
About 12 or 13 years ago (I'll be 61 next week, so things are getting a little fuzzy), I was sitting in the front row of your show at the Texas version of your lunatic behavior. I was minding my own business. Actually, I was checking out a really cute blond a few seats away, when I looked up, and THERE YOU WERE, standing in front of me. I had forgotten to PAY ATTENTION! You forced me to go on stage where I was subjected to unimaginable abuse and scorn. It wasn't a complete loss. I don't remember what I said, but I did make old What's His Name, your totally useless buddy, laugh once. I've been in counseling ever since. If I send you the bills from my shrink, will you pay them? I've been back a number of times, but I managed to hide from you better. For some reason, I'll be back this year again...probably hiding behind a tree!
Great show...keep it going.
-Old Mike Asher

Bob sez:
Old Mike,
Pay for your therapy??? Sure, just send the bill to: yeah-right@inyourf'kn'gdreams.com
See you this fall....and you better hide good. d.b.


Date: 08/02/08   Subject: Bristol Ren Faire
Hey Bob!
I saw you today, at the Bristol Ren Faire! It was the first time I saw you in over 4 years! I was so excited to see you were back, I pissed my armor, and read my Jane Austin book backwards! What does that mean to you? Nothing! I just wanted you to know that I think you are the best, and my kids discovered your insane act! They only knew you from my T-Shirt I got 4 years ago, and now they want one too! Sadly, the Ren Faire had none in the shop!
There is a Wisconsin Renaissance Faire in Chippewa Falls, Mid June till Mid July. If you can go there, and sell T-Shirts, I'll buy three!
Thanks for making my day a Ded one!
-Sir Thomas Du Sille, Et Cetera...

Bob sez:
Sir Thomas....if that is your real name...
The Ded Bob Sho nor any of it's affiliates assumes any responsibility for the cost of repairing your "pissed" armor. Nor do we hold any culpability for your dyslexic perusal of wimpy novels about unrequited, love struck ninnies in weepy tomes written by dried up spinsters.
That said, thank you for your support of the sho and for schlepping your spawn to the festival to be bobmotized.
Just so you know, you can get Ded Bob T-shirts and DVDs online.
See you next time,
d.b.


Date: 07/27/08   Subject: Hey ded bob
You were awesome at the txrenfest...but im curious whose gonna b at this years txrenfest? O your song about your farm one of my favorites.your doing a great job keep it up
devoted fan,
-annette b.

Bob sez:
It will be smuj with me in t.r.f. - d.b.


Date: 07/18/08   Subject: Little Ded Bob fan
In 1991 (Maybe 1992) I was twelve years old and went with my family to the Texas Renaissance Festival. At that time Ded Bob didn't yet have his own show, but walked around the grounds harassing people!
Well, my mother just fell in love with him and wanted to take a photo of me kissing him. As soon as I kissed him on the side of his face, he started to yell: "AMANDA'S EASY! AMANDA'S EASY!" For your amusement, I'm sending that photo (and another) from the 1991 TRF.
Yearssssss later, in 2003, my husband and I went to the Texas Renaissance Festival and I told him that we had to find Ded Bob, (and filled him in on our 'past'). Not only did he find the embarrassment of a young girl funny, he loved the show.
A few months later, our youngest son was starting to 'talk'. We had just got a new shower curtain with skulls on it for our 'Pirate' themed bathroom. When my youngest, Cash, saw it he asked "What that?" And to be funny, his dad said "Oh, that's Bob."
Now Cash is four and his favorite thing in the world is "skeletons". (Yes, kinda morbid for a four year old) But the funny thing is that he thinks all skeletons are named BOB!
I found this web site today while wasting time online. My kids were in the room with me when I clicked on the home page. I said to Cash "Hey, who's that?" to which Cash replied "That's BOB!"
I hope one year to take him to the Texas Renaissance Festival to met the original BOB!
-Amanda in Texas

Bob sez:
Amanda, Thank you so much for your wonderful letter and the photos - wow....'91'...smuj had all his hair back then.....not that you could see it or anything, but still. It is so sweet, I can't even be sarcastic. Tell Cash I'll see him next fall, and be sure to give him plenty of 'cash' for tips. d.b.


Date: 07/18/08   Subject: MN renfaire
I noticed on the schedlue page the the Minnesota Renaissance Festival was not listed. Did we only get one year of Ded Bob and now we've lost him? He had become an instant favorite that we stopped to see each weekend.
-Steve Ehrenberger

Bob sez:
Call the Festival and Complain. sluj wanted to do the fair, but they wouldn't return our calls. Give'm Hell! d.b.


Date: 07/11/08   Subject: OPEN WIDE THE GATES!
I heard a Celebrity Gossip Rumor that you were the (ded) person who started the "OPEN WIDE THE GATES!" chant on the opening day of BRF this season -- is it true? If so, I salute you gynormously! That scene is a monster, it's way too long, it's pointless and inaudible, and it should be cut. I don't know if you could hear me, but I was chanting along with you!
-Ann-Elizabeth Shapera, aka Jane the Phoole

Bob sez:
Ann Elizabeth Shapera!!!
How dare you impune me with your salacious accusations....even if they're true. I would never admit to thwarting the mind-numbing gate-terr-a-mony....even if I did start it. I'll see you next time when...according to rumor...there will be an attempt to free the jousting horses and the petting zoo hostages. d.b.


Date: 07/09/08   Subject: hi from a fan
Hi bob! I am a big BIG fan!!! Your show is so so funny when I saw it I was laughing so hard I cold not breath!!!
-Minos

Bob sez:
Minos, be aware, that "The Ded Bob Sho" accepts no financial or moral responsibility for your breathing difficulty. Any attempt to hold "The Ded Bob Sho" or its associates liable for your ailment will be handled by our crack legal team, "Dewey, Cheatem & Howe". If you choose to continue to attend "The Ded Bob Sho," we urge you to breathe normally and refrain from over-exposure. d.b.


Date: 06/18/08   Subject: Sup!
Hey! I can't wait to see you in a few weeks at the Holly Grove Fair! I LOVE YOUR SHOW! I love your lyrics, too. Those are amazing! I really love your Barney lyrics! My whole family knows them by heart! Anyway, I can't wait to get there and see your show and I am going to try to get in the front this time!
-Maddie

Bob sez:
Maddie - LOVE your name. Sit in the front row and grin like a ninny. I want to see your fillings...presuming you have some....if not, good for you! Take care of your teeth. smuj hasn't, and he looks like he's ninety-eight today. d.b.

Maddie replies:
you shouldnt asume anything u know and y do i care about smuj's teeth? Can't wait to sit in the very front row! (grinning)

Bob sez:
"y do i care about smuj's teeth?" Why indeed - the perfect response. You have just been promoted in my esteem. d.b.


Date: 06/18/08   Subject: VOTING FOR BOB
Hey Bob, how's the afterlife been treating you? I wanted to write to show my support-BOB FOR PRESIDENT!! I've been going to the TX Ren Fair since I was a kid (my aunt and uncle had a shop back in the early 80's) and somehow, even through my college years when I attended regularly, I had never seen your show until a few years ago. I don't know how I missed it, but I did, and regret the lost time I could have spent as a BOB ZOMBIE. Now, with the newest dic-tater election going on, I am so glad I have been Bob-motized! I have always been an Independent, and never really liked ANY of the Presidential choices I've been given...........until now. I'm voting Bob for President! How could I pass it up? Free beer? Money to teachers and nurses? Bob's stunningly handsome face on camera (well, compared to smuj)?
I AM A BOB ZOMBIE...............I WILL VOTE FOR PRESIDENT BONEHEAD.............
See ya in 2008!
Your loyal Bob Zombie
-Lynette

Bob sez:
Lynette, you are Zombie #344632. Please submit your will and total devotion to the Ded Bob Rebelution. Buy a skimpy black outfit and wear it to the next Bob Sho. If you aren't skimpy.....all the better. Bring friends. d.b.


Date: 05/23/08   Subject: Heyyyy!
Hey there smuj! How goes it? Gotta tell ya... I didn't think I'd ever get to catch your sho once I moved south outta MI! Couldn't beGIN to tell you how happy it made me when I saw your brief (but good) spot on TX ren fen ad spot!! Went to Muskogee, OK's ren fen and was saddened when I learned you weren't there. AR, where I reside now, has yet to learn the art of hosting a ren fen... oh well. Anyway, I know who you (smuj) are... since I would catch your sho in Holly, MI. Can't say I've ever had the opportunity to meet sluj, puj, or nuj! Obviously, they're relatives of yours... but who are they exactly? I tried to look them up on your site, but didn't find anything. Are you hiding them on purpose?!? LOL!!
Can't wait for TX!! I'm going to try to arrange for several of my GIRLfriends to join me.... ;-)
Take care!!
~Yvonne~

Bob sez:
I wouldn't lament not meeting the other dummies...it would be like lamenting not getting a migrane headache. See you in TX. d.b.


Date: 05/06/08   Subject: Salutations!
Just saw Musgy's [sluj's] show here at GARF, where I work, and I have to say the show you have created is an excellent one. I have been doing Faires since 96 (My home faire is in TN), and was amazed it took me this long to catch it. As a fellow puppeteer I really admire what you have, and would love to help in any way possible. Nonetheless, thanks again for creating something just downright sinful, and delightful!
-Crispy

Bob sez:
Blah, blah, blah, sluj was so good - what about the dead guy? d.b.


Date: 05/01/08   Subject: renfest
Hey Bob!!
We get to see you each year in Texas but my daughter is going to the Renfest in Muskogee, Ok. We looked it up and you are NOT there wassup? Looks cool with the whole castle thing going on.
-Debbie Rogowski

Bob sez:
Good question.
Apparently the owners of the okie fest are anti-dead bigots who are obviously under the control of the international banking cartel that rule the world.
I have mixed feelings about these economic elitists, they're consummate scumbags, but they're also planning to send half the world's population to join me in the dead-zone. [google "rockefeller, depopulation"] There's also the issue that none of my dummies applied to work there this year.
Maybe next year.
d.b.


Date: 04/24/08   Subject: Your show at TRF
Dear Ded Bob,
Just wanted to say that I have caught your show at TRF many times, as I work out there, and wouldn't miss it for the world. It is hilarious. I work at the faire in the chainmaille shop and catch your act at least once a day.
I have a new opening for you: "Before I get started I need to ask, are there any kids in the audience? Yes? There are????? OUT!!!!!!" I think it would be funny. Then again, what do I know? I am just a mortal on this side of death's pall. Anyway, keep up the great work. We love ya!
-Lester

Bob sez:
Thanks Lester - don't apologize for being mortal...I was. d.b.


Date: 04/10/08   Subject: Hey Ded Bob!
Hello there Ded Bod! Just as you have a hard time getting back to people, I have a hard time remembering to send out e-mails. At the Texas Renaissance Festival...Faire...thing...I got the opportunity to be the lovely Fifi. The more amusing thing is that, before picking me, you stood before me in all your Ded Bob-licious glory and said, "Lets add some colour to the show." Well, thanks for adding it...I had a great time.
xoxo
-Fifi

Bob sez:
Oh yaaaassssss! How could I forget that face? Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum. Wanna shoot for Mary next time? Just sit up front. d.b.


Date: 04/01/08   Subject: Ded Bob DVD
Hello Bob.
I bought your dvd at the rennissance festival. i wanted to know if you knew how to put the show on my ipod.
-Justyn W.

Bob sez:
If you have a Mac, you might be able to load it using "Senuti": http://www.fadingred.org/senuti/. If you have a PC, I don't know. d.b.


Date: 03/28/08   Subject: A New Member or Imposter?
Dear Ded Bob,
I have been seeing you at every Arizona Renaissance Festival for about as long as I can remember. Your show has become a family tradition for my son and me. He has grown up knowing about "rule breakers" and "hey kid, turn your hat around, you're white!" Although your handler's real identity is unknown to the audience, I can tell that at this last show, your legs were not your legs. The voice was different, the jokes exactly the same (uggh, how about some new material or a new routine every decade, Bob?), but the arms and legs were not those of the guy we've been seeing all these years. Maybe I'm the only one in the audience who noticed, but maybe I'm a bigger fan than they are. So what's up with that? Is Smuj semi-retired? Is the road schedule too much for one guy to handle DB? Who is Sluj, and is the audience not supposed to know there are now TWO masked men and they are interchangeable?
Just wondering about all this. I guess I'll go back to having a life as a doctor again and deal with more important issues.
-Paul Fox

Bob sez:
Paul, it's all there on the website, dedbob.com. Surf around and all will be revealed. d.b.


Date: 03/25/08   Subject: Bob - you're in Archaeology Magazine!!
Bob and Smuj - we love you!!!!!!!!!
Check out the Nov/Dec 2007 cover of Archaeology magazine - you're a star! (OK, you always were a star.): Archaeology Table of Contents, November/December 2007.
See y'all at the TRF next fall :-)
xoxoxo
Stephanie & Patty & the boys
P.S. Whatever happened to the big ugly bouncer who used to hang out at the side of the stage? Just curious.

Bob sez:
Thanks for the tip, but that's not me...that's my uncle Dick....Dead Dick. He was mauled by a herd of lemmings. d.b.


Date: 03/18/08   Subject: an old zombie # 1
Hey Bob,
My name is Grace, and I played Mary on 11/23/07 at T.R.F. Not sure if you remember me, I wore white and purple and you said things to the audience about me such as "These weebles wobble but they don't fall down" and asked me to "jiggle on over" to you. Anyway, I loved your show and it was a blast being a part of it. Kudos on speaking your mind about your political views. Don't let all these people writing to you saying "you shouldn't have done that" get to you. I am an International Studies major, with a focus on International Politics and Diplomacy, and hope to be a politician who is known for positive change that I help bring about (namely, women's rights in the Middle East), and not for being corrupt and letting corporate monsters buy my voice.*cough* Hillary *cough*. Anyway, great show, great views, thanks for al the laughs.
By the way, I know this might be a side effect of being a Bob Zombie, but I think your voice is totally sexy. There's something about that dripping-with-sarcasm quality that makes me so...
Faithfully devoted,
-Mary Oatblossom, AKA Grace Draut

Bob sez:
Grace...smuj's mother's name, by the way...nice to hear from you and your 'weebles'. I read your letter to smuj, and thanks to you, he's all puffed up and walking around the house naked and talking in his "sexy" voice.
The middle-east is going exactly as planned, namely chaos, requiring continuous funding for the military-industrial-complex. Who cares about a few hundred thousand dead bystanders if it's good for wall street. The bush-crime-family has been in the war business for decades. The moron-in-chief's grandfather, prescott bush, funded the nazis.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2004/sep/25/usa.secondworldwar
This is all a by-product of unregulated capitalism...profit before all. Get ready for martial law, and a suspended election.
d.b.


Date: 03/18/08   Subject: which dummy?
hey ded bob
when r u going to be in colorado And who is going to be with you smuj,puj,sluj,or nuj.
i just saw yopur show at the az renissance faire, and i am going to see it again at the colorado renfest if you r going to be there. i have alot of family that has seen your show, most of which live in co, keep up the good work and dont change a single thing your great
-justyn, az

Bob sez:
justyn, thanks for asking. It'll be sluj this year...colorado LOVES sluj...not counting the right wing religious morons in colorado springs. d.b.


Date: 03/18/08   Subject: Colorado Show
I am a fan, have been since your show was across from my fish and chips booth in Larkspur, Colorado. I was bob-mitized from the first day. The "dummy" and I came face to face a few times at the Steak on a Stake booth owned by the Teisling brothers..many many moons ago. Well, I just got back from Arizona Festival (apache junction) And I noticed that..you don't have the same "dummy" you had in Colorado. Does your show have counter parts, rip offs, or replacements?? Why do the Tortuga Twins like you so much..or are you one of them? (haha..)
-Erin in CO

Bob sez:
Erin, a visit to my website's "Breaking News" page will answer your questions about the new dummies. As for the Tortuga's affection, I suppose they're drawn to genius. d.b.


Date: 03/05/08   Subject: hey what?
HEY BOB!
I'm 13 and I LOVE your show. I've seen it twice at the Texas Renfest in November. You are sooo hilarious! I don't know if you remember, but my friend was the girl who dressed as a fairy and you were like, "Holy crap a fairy! Sorry, I think I hit your sister on the way here." Oh my gosh you are soo funny. I also love your songs-especially the Rudolph one. HA! So, you need to come to Texas more because we're awesome.
Bobmatized for life,
-Emily

Bob sez:
Nuh-uh...YOU'RE awesome

Emily replies:
Ya....I know...but you're awesomer.....ok so how did you come up with all the awesome spoofs of those songs? they are hilarious!

Bob sez:
How? I'm an f'ng genius, that's how. d.b.


Date: 03/04/08   Subject: Ren Faire question
While I was thinking about it, wanted to shoot this off. Are you going to be in CO this year, or is it one of yer cohorts?
-Jeff

Bob sez:
It will be sluj this year, the skinny legged dummy with the [rumored] large business, smuj, will be at the Bristol Faire with the cheese-heads and the Chi-towners. d.b.


Date: 02/24/08   Subject: horah for DB
bob,
First, I would like to commend you for speaking you ideals and views on the state of our government and the world. Comedians around the world should be as bold as you are, so thank you. It's admirable to see that even a skeleton that's 1006 years ded and still kicking has kept up to date on the politics of this century.
Second, Keep up the good humor! in 2007 my mother was privileged to see your show for the first time at TRF - it was great to see her laugh so much, as there's not much left in her life to make her happy (my father passed in 2000 from a hunting accident).
And lastly, no matter what, I know that if Smuj does retire as your 'dummy', that there are others to help you keep up the act. The world is a better place with Ded Bob, and his Zombie Army in it.
-Jessica, Nacogdoches TX, 11year Texas Renaissance Festival Veteran

Bob sez:
Jessica, your mother is clearly off her rocker...and good on her for that. And smuj is 'semi' retired...I think he'll be doing Tejas as long as his legs still work. d.b.


Date: 02/24/08   Subject: picture at TRF
Hey, Bob! Just thought I'd send you a picture of you and me and my (nerd) brothers! It was at TRF on Nov. 23rd last year and I've finally gotten around to send it to you...I've already put it up on myspace, etc...but for some reason didn't think of sending it to you! Ah well, you know what they say; save the best for last! hee hee I love you, Bob!!
Your faithful zombie,
-Katy Miller
P.S. I made a cropped version for myself so it's just you and me *winks*

Bob sez:
Yikes!!! Looking at that photo, I realized that you can actually see smuj's face....how horrifying for you. I apologize, and I want to warn you that any legal action on your part to sue for pain and suffering at having to witness such a hideous visage will be met with a team of litigators unrivaled in their bag of dirty tricks. d.b.


Date: 02/08/08   Subject: AZ Renfest
Dear Bob,
I am so excited that you are going to be at the AZ Renfest. I always go to your show and I laugh my pants off every time. Keep it real an funny,
-Tara

Bob sez:
Be it known, that neither ded bob, nor anyone associated with ded bob productions accepts any responsibility, legal or otherwise for your public nudity.
Even now, our legal counsel from the well known firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe, is preparing a defense in case you have any intention of bringing litigation against their client.
And just for the record, it is this kind of frivolous law suit that has ruined a once great judicial system and allowed religious fascists to turn our formerly proud nation into the mess it's in today.
Sincerely....and defensively, d.b.


Date: 02/08/08   Subject: AZ Renfest
Dear Bob,
I am so excited that you are going to be at the AZ Renfest. I always go to your show and I laugh my pants off every time. Keep it real an funny,
-Tara

Bob sez:
Be it known, that neither ded bob, nor anyone associated with ded bob productions accepts any responsibility, legal or otherwise for your public nudity.
Even now, our legal counsel from the well known firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe, is preparing a defense in case you have any intention of bringing litigation against their client.
And just for the record, it is this kind of frivolous law suit that has ruined a once great judicial system and allowed religious fascists to turn our formerly proud nation into the mess it's in today.
Sincerely....and defensively, d.b.


Date: 01/04/08   Subject: TRF 2007
Hey Bob!
I love your show so much. Its my favortie part of the renfest. This year I was a little upset however. I recently found out you weren't going to be on the road as much; that smuj was semi-retired. Well I guess thats goog for him. The other reason I was slightly upset was that I took my boyfriend to see you this year, but we went on the last weekend. The last weekend this year was really cold and rainy and you ended the show early in the middle of storytime. But I still love you!!!! And I'll always be a bob-zombie for you babe! But I have to know... Will you be at the Tex Renfest this year (08)?
with Love,
-Chrissy Rogers

Bob sez:
kfjoao aw;' ofioa[0s--jf'PJWOIJSOoopp'ajlllllllsssssssssssssaaaaasssssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
oops,
Sorry Chrissy - I accidentally left the computer room door open and when I came back, smuj was asleep with his head on the keyboard. Thanks for your nice email...and come earlier next year! d.b.


Wanna email Ded Bob? He'll get back to you as soon as humanly possible. If you're lucky, maybe even sooner.

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