Zombies! Wonders never cease, and here's a doozie:
smuj is directing Shakespeare!
Can you believe it? Me neither.
Well it's true.
Apparently, buried deep amidst the farts, bad table manners, inappropriate social behavior
and hideous personal hygiene, there lies a spark of desire for the performing arts.
As his only exposure to the performing arts has come from his relationship to me,
I can only assume that I, Ded Bob, am primarily responsible for this latest development.
I'm not exactly sure if I should take credit, or accept the blame for what he's come up with...time will tell.
Apparently, during his off hours away from me, which were as many as I could manage,
he either pilfered, plagiarized, or himself, butchered several of Shakespeare's tragedies and
somehow convinced some other half-wits, with little or no self-esteem, to perform them.
So, here we go:
Announcing the Sherwood Forest Faire Premier of:
How Macbeth Murdered All of His Friends
in repertory with:
The Really Bad Timing and Rotten Luck of Romeo and Juliet
The Bloody Horrible Mass Stabbing and Messy Death of Julius Caesar
Weekends from now through March 31st & Friday March 15th
Go to: Sherwood Forest Faire for more information.
Ded Bob has been dragged kicking and screaming (mostly screaming) into the technology age, and has set up email addresses for each of his individual dummies just so you, the Ded Bob Zombies, can email the precise dummy you saw at your faire (check the Schedule Page for who's performing where). So have at 'em.
|Email smuj at:
Email sluj at:
Email puj at:
Email nuj at:
...and of course, you can always email Ded Bob at: email@example.com
I've f***ing had it with smuj.
He's lazy, stupid, gag-ugly, and he smells like the business end of a wombat.
So, I'm phasing him out for four [so far] younger dummies in the hopes that, I can mold them into suitable tools.
I don't really see the need in introducing them individually, but in order to avoid the inevitable, inane questions later on, I'll briefly describe them:
The skinny blond one whose voice hasn't changed yet is called sluj.
We called him that so it would rhyme with a word in one of my songs.
[It was easier than writing new material...which is frowned upon as it would show weakness.]
Despite his vapid personality, sluj seems to have some inexplicable power over women.
He's no me, but formidable just the same........ he's as gorgeous as smuj is hideous.
So, sluj must remain hidden from view to protect every female who spots him from shamelessly offering themselves for despoilment.
[smuj is hidden to keep people from puking]
The big thick one [literally and figuratively] is puj.
This guy's perfect dummy material. Dumb as a post and docile, as long as his hood is on. I'll say this once..... DON'T LIFT HIS HOOD.
If you must lift something, lift his codpiece.... he's hung like Rasputin.
Recently, a former mudman began moonlighting as one of my dummies.
His mud name is "Halfwit Henry" - he's a member of the "Sturdy Beggars", so many of you have actually seen his face, and must certainly appreciate my covering it up.
nuj is the smartest dummy I've ever used...a dangerous precedent.
A great leap from the gerbil-brained, numb-skulls I usually employ, "nuj" has an I.Q. of 53.
He's a test case. I have to be careful though. I'd hate to have to put him down if'n he gets too uppity.
Finally, we have gruj, our first non-yankee addition to the mix,
It's difficult to say much about him, because the few and far between thoughts that emanate from his colossal, apparently empty, cranium are in one of those vowel-less Scandinavian languages, so it's all kind an experiment so far.
So in conclusion:
To any who would cry foul... I would say simply this:
FOUL INDEED is the used-up, slothful smuj - he's almost history.
THE SLEEPING TIGER
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